(no subject)
...ok so I definitely miss Jess, I am gonna be picking her up at the airport on sunday, I really can't wait. I really need a hug from her.
I went to the doctors on Monday and they couldn't find a heart beat, so they gave me an ultra sound and there was no heart beat still... I could see the baby and the woman was measuring the baby to see how far along I was. I was supposed to be 16 weeks and the baby only measured to be 12 weeks. So needless to say The baby had passed away at least 4 weeks ago. The doctor gave me 2 choices, the first was a D and C, and then she said I could go home and let the baby pass on its's own, but she wouldn't recommend that for fear that i would hemorrhage. I decided to go home, I really wasn't about to let a doctor go in and scrape out my baby......No way! So I went home and waited it out. Late Tuesday night about 10:30 I started to cramp up real bad. My Dog came over to me and comforted me and let me lean on him and at 11:15 The baby came out.....A tiny little boy... He was only 3 inches long and you could see every detail, like his ears,nose, mouth, his tiny little hands and fingers and even his fingernails. I found it quite amazing and obviously sad at the same time....On one hand that was my little boy. but on the other hand I know that God is in control and to see first hand how formed my little boy was at only 12 weeks old. and then another type of sadness came over me because most abortions are performed at 10 to 12 weeks along, and women are told that it is only tissue. Me being one of them over 10 years ago. I am thankful that I decided to let my body do it on its own, because now I know he's a boy and I got to see him and hold his tiny little hand and know that he's safe and sound w/Jesus. We haven't named him yet, but a name will come. We are going to bury him with his aunt Denise when the ground can be dug into.
My emotions are up and down and I am sure glad that God let me know that he gave me feelings for a reason and I can grieve, and I'm glad to know it can take me as long as I need.
I went to the doctors on Monday and they couldn't find a heart beat, so they gave me an ultra sound and there was no heart beat still... I could see the baby and the woman was measuring the baby to see how far along I was. I was supposed to be 16 weeks and the baby only measured to be 12 weeks. So needless to say The baby had passed away at least 4 weeks ago. The doctor gave me 2 choices, the first was a D and C, and then she said I could go home and let the baby pass on its's own, but she wouldn't recommend that for fear that i would hemorrhage. I decided to go home, I really wasn't about to let a doctor go in and scrape out my baby......No way! So I went home and waited it out. Late Tuesday night about 10:30 I started to cramp up real bad. My Dog came over to me and comforted me and let me lean on him and at 11:15 The baby came out.....A tiny little boy... He was only 3 inches long and you could see every detail, like his ears,nose, mouth, his tiny little hands and fingers and even his fingernails. I found it quite amazing and obviously sad at the same time....On one hand that was my little boy. but on the other hand I know that God is in control and to see first hand how formed my little boy was at only 12 weeks old. and then another type of sadness came over me because most abortions are performed at 10 to 12 weeks along, and women are told that it is only tissue. Me being one of them over 10 years ago. I am thankful that I decided to let my body do it on its own, because now I know he's a boy and I got to see him and hold his tiny little hand and know that he's safe and sound w/Jesus. We haven't named him yet, but a name will come. We are going to bury him with his aunt Denise when the ground can be dug into.
My emotions are up and down and I am sure glad that God let me know that he gave me feelings for a reason and I can grieve, and I'm glad to know it can take me as long as I need.