(no subject)
While I lounge in a padded, rolly chair at the large, handicapped table which I [luckily] managed to snag today, I simply cannot direct my attention toward my Sociology professor's lecture, as it has been this way for weeks. I have other things on my mind. My mind has been preoccupied with other thoughts that are entangled with hopes and dreams which are slowly evolving into an unexpected reality.
Even though I do not wish to stamp a curse on this course of unrestrained, indefectible events, I want to document this for my own good. I want to look back on this and vividly remember my current feelings. I would like to read these entries, close my eyes, and be able to relive the electricity running through my bloodstream. What I really wish is to feel this way for the rest of my life; however, I have already accepted the fact that the likeliness of such fortune is impeccably slim. I choose to live in the moment and not stare solely into an uncertain future. So here goes nothing.
Twenty years old, and I am experiencing immense amounts of serotonin dispensing through my veins on a daily basis for the first time. Six months ago, I would have sworn up and down that I would die alone in a one-bedroom apartment with ninety-three cats. -- I don't even like cats, but that's the predisposed obligation to a miserable, old bachelorette, you know.
My idea of "like" toward someone had been misunderstood. Somewhere along the line, I forgot to read the chapter on "Authentic Emotional Connections" and simply gravitated toward attention which I had fed off of for so long. Big mistake. It caused a lot of problems, a lot of hurt feelings, and above all, an insane amount of self-esteem issues in which I battle against on a day-to-day basis.. Issues that have been forever burned into my consious and had nearly killed me at one point.
What are these feelings I speak of now? Indescribable. They're not butterflies, but wild animals locked behind my ribcage. He leaves me breathless.. I am drenched in not just a feeling, but a physical state of pure intoxication. My world spins, and I want to raise my arms into the air like during the dips of a rollercoster rather than brace myself so I can come back down to Earth. I want nothing but to swoop through the clouds and feel infinite for all eternity.
Why didn't someone tell me I was missing out on something so spectacular?
Even though I do not wish to stamp a curse on this course of unrestrained, indefectible events, I want to document this for my own good. I want to look back on this and vividly remember my current feelings. I would like to read these entries, close my eyes, and be able to relive the electricity running through my bloodstream. What I really wish is to feel this way for the rest of my life; however, I have already accepted the fact that the likeliness of such fortune is impeccably slim. I choose to live in the moment and not stare solely into an uncertain future. So here goes nothing.
Twenty years old, and I am experiencing immense amounts of serotonin dispensing through my veins on a daily basis for the first time. Six months ago, I would have sworn up and down that I would die alone in a one-bedroom apartment with ninety-three cats. -- I don't even like cats, but that's the predisposed obligation to a miserable, old bachelorette, you know.
My idea of "like" toward someone had been misunderstood. Somewhere along the line, I forgot to read the chapter on "Authentic Emotional Connections" and simply gravitated toward attention which I had fed off of for so long. Big mistake. It caused a lot of problems, a lot of hurt feelings, and above all, an insane amount of self-esteem issues in which I battle against on a day-to-day basis.. Issues that have been forever burned into my consious and had nearly killed me at one point.
What are these feelings I speak of now? Indescribable. They're not butterflies, but wild animals locked behind my ribcage. He leaves me breathless.. I am drenched in not just a feeling, but a physical state of pure intoxication. My world spins, and I want to raise my arms into the air like during the dips of a rollercoster rather than brace myself so I can come back down to Earth. I want nothing but to swoop through the clouds and feel infinite for all eternity.
Why didn't someone tell me I was missing out on something so spectacular?