Part III: Shit gets even more confusing...awesome.
So, much has happened since the last time I wrote. I went to visit Cowboy's ranch. It's beautiful and he has cows. Met his paretns, painted his pool, went to a "rodeo" where he proceeded to lose sixty of my dollars.
Jump forward to the day I get back from his ranch. He calls me to inform me that he can't start a relationship because it'd be long distance, he doesn't know if he's coming back to SA, blah blah blah. Then he tells me that even though he was never able to make it official, he's considered me his girlfriend for like 6 months. awesome. go fuck yourself.
Jump forward to August. I'm in a house now and he's been living with me till he can get a place of his own. Things are alright but I still don't know what to think. He told me he loved me but he was hammered(as per usual) and personally, even though a part of me wanted to say it back, I couldn't I just...I don't want to to trick myself into settling for him. Not that I'd be settling, cuz that sounds bad but I do know that I deserve better. He's a great guy when he wants to be but I just don't think he's the guy for me. And it sucks to come to that realization in front of my computer as my mother wanders around, clearly trying to figure out what I'm typing so fast, but it's true. I'd be hurt if I saw him with someone else right now but it's getting easier and easier for me to just stop giving a fuck about a lot of things these days.
Classes start on the 26th. I'm in the homestretch now. As I look backa previous entries I find myself longing to have the same enthusiasm that I had when I was a freshman. Nothing will be new this yeaer. There will be the same parties, the same drama, the same professors, and the same politics of college, but I want to be able to say that I think there will be more this year. This year will be the best.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
toodles and tidbits, for now at least,
me
Jump forward to the day I get back from his ranch. He calls me to inform me that he can't start a relationship because it'd be long distance, he doesn't know if he's coming back to SA, blah blah blah. Then he tells me that even though he was never able to make it official, he's considered me his girlfriend for like 6 months. awesome. go fuck yourself.
Jump forward to August. I'm in a house now and he's been living with me till he can get a place of his own. Things are alright but I still don't know what to think. He told me he loved me but he was hammered(as per usual) and personally, even though a part of me wanted to say it back, I couldn't I just...I don't want to to trick myself into settling for him. Not that I'd be settling, cuz that sounds bad but I do know that I deserve better. He's a great guy when he wants to be but I just don't think he's the guy for me. And it sucks to come to that realization in front of my computer as my mother wanders around, clearly trying to figure out what I'm typing so fast, but it's true. I'd be hurt if I saw him with someone else right now but it's getting easier and easier for me to just stop giving a fuck about a lot of things these days.
Classes start on the 26th. I'm in the homestretch now. As I look backa previous entries I find myself longing to have the same enthusiasm that I had when I was a freshman. Nothing will be new this yeaer. There will be the same parties, the same drama, the same professors, and the same politics of college, but I want to be able to say that I think there will be more this year. This year will be the best.
So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.
toodles and tidbits, for now at least,
me