One Word Challenge, Part 16: "Close"
Two of my closer LJ amigos marimbadog and warmheartcold gave me ying-yang words for the "One World Challenge" in the form of "Open" and "Close". Originally I was going to combine these two words for one entry abut then -- duh -- I realized that two words kinda flies in the face of it being a one word challenge.
Instead I am taking the liberty of using "Close" as a chance to revisit a previous piece. But here is the fun part: I'm pretty sure warmheartcold meant 'Close' as in, 'Please close the door behind you.'
I'm not going with that meaning. I'm going with the physical take on close. Or coming close to 'something'. Or both. :)
Enjoy!
"Close"
You and I could easily do this. I could sit across from you for a long, long time.
I like the way you listen. It makes me want to try harder to do the same.
Your laugh is like a pop song you can't help but fall in love with or get out of your head. You fumble your words a little bit but I can tell it's not from a lack of thought but instead from too many thoughts at once. It happens to me all the time, especially with someone like you, when I am trying to balance who I really am with who I want to be and what I hope you want me to be.
I always think of times like this as one part show, one part guess work, and one part a realism impossible to dodge. If you asked me if I liked dancing I would lie and say "Sometimes". If you asked me why I asked you out I would have to make a circle around a lie and aim straight for the answer I think you want to hear. If you ask me what I'm afraid of I couldn't hide from honesty. Something in the way you phrase things -- the way you talk and listen -- would make me admit a truth that feels like a revelation.
I can see into the future. Not very far but far enough. I can see the kiss coming a few hours from now. I can see calling you sooner before later. I can see what we become next and even catch a glimpse of what we are after that. I can't see an argument for miles and everything inside me tells me you and I would rarely fight.
I see a small brick wall, not too high or too thick, requiring a certain amount of persistence to chip away at. I catch glances of what is on the other side of it and the question of whether or not it would be worth it to break down that wall takes no longer to answer than it takes me to sip a drink from a glass sitting on the table between us.
It's not that I think I know you so well; it's that I want to know you so well, coupled with the things I know for sure and all the things I ever wanted. I look at you and I listen to the conversation flowing back and forth between us and I think the same thought again: You and I could do this.
I am somewhere between the Diet Pepsi and the salad before the entree and it hits me so hard in every obvious place in my heart that I nearly chuckle at myself for letting my thoughts get so far.
Yes, you and I could do this. We could get that close.
But we won't. We'll keep talking and laughing and from moment to moment for the rest of the night I will look at you, as beautiful and as sharp and inspiring as you are, and I will think again of that kiss that is never going to come. Those thoughts are all I will ever have of what you and I could be.
I'm about ten seconds away from my mind starting it's tilt-a-whirl ride from here to your front door, tossed around and about at how I could meet someone so incredible and perfect in so many ways and have it still not be enough.
From the driver's seat I am going to look at your profile and I lose myself in some lustful thought that I'll allow myself to have only because I know for sure I won't act on it. I'll imagine that kiss one more time and I'll try not to raise the temperature by wondering for a second about the series of kisses and clothing that would come or come off days or weeks from tonight in some alternate universe where you and I will never walk.
I'm walking you up to the entrance of your building and even our shadows from the streetlights look right when side by side. We could fool anyone and even fool ourselves. The entrance door is shut, your keys are out, and I am looking at you straight on and there it is: You look at me and there is a smile unlike any other you've shown till now, the one that says you know and leaves me to wonder for just how long> When did you figure it out? Was it after the ravioli or did it come before that? Was it something I did with my napkin or a change in the tenor of my voice?
When exactly between me pulling out your chair and my credit card taking on a little more debt did you see right through me? Did I begin to look at you as differently as you're looking at me right now? For a moment, in this realization that you know, that you've known for minutes or maybe hours, I am reminded of all the things that made me think I wanted this and the things that made me think I could want you. You and I could do this but you know as sure as the night sky above us that we won't.
So I wonder how far into the future can you see? I find myself dying to know. Can you see me on the phone 10 minutes from now, checking to see if she is home? Can you see me in an hour when I drive over to her place? When she answers the door can you hear me saying without fear that I don't want to see other people, that I don't need to see other people, because all I see in anyone anymore is her.
Can you get a picture of me having that moment, all at once so confident but still so nervous? Do you know how it all turns out? Would you tell me if you did? Am I about to drive away forever or will you find me coming before you tomorrow, broken and lost, yet still wondering somewhere deep in the back of my mind if maybe you and I could do this...
Or am I crazy for even asking? Tell me... am I even close?
**************
I originally wrote this in 2005. I changed a little of it but most of it is has held up. Thanks for reading!
J
Instead I am taking the liberty of using "Close" as a chance to revisit a previous piece. But here is the fun part: I'm pretty sure warmheartcold meant 'Close' as in, 'Please close the door behind you.'
I'm not going with that meaning. I'm going with the physical take on close. Or coming close to 'something'. Or both. :)
Enjoy!
"Close"
You and I could easily do this. I could sit across from you for a long, long time.
I like the way you listen. It makes me want to try harder to do the same.
Your laugh is like a pop song you can't help but fall in love with or get out of your head. You fumble your words a little bit but I can tell it's not from a lack of thought but instead from too many thoughts at once. It happens to me all the time, especially with someone like you, when I am trying to balance who I really am with who I want to be and what I hope you want me to be.
I always think of times like this as one part show, one part guess work, and one part a realism impossible to dodge. If you asked me if I liked dancing I would lie and say "Sometimes". If you asked me why I asked you out I would have to make a circle around a lie and aim straight for the answer I think you want to hear. If you ask me what I'm afraid of I couldn't hide from honesty. Something in the way you phrase things -- the way you talk and listen -- would make me admit a truth that feels like a revelation.
I can see into the future. Not very far but far enough. I can see the kiss coming a few hours from now. I can see calling you sooner before later. I can see what we become next and even catch a glimpse of what we are after that. I can't see an argument for miles and everything inside me tells me you and I would rarely fight.
I see a small brick wall, not too high or too thick, requiring a certain amount of persistence to chip away at. I catch glances of what is on the other side of it and the question of whether or not it would be worth it to break down that wall takes no longer to answer than it takes me to sip a drink from a glass sitting on the table between us.
It's not that I think I know you so well; it's that I want to know you so well, coupled with the things I know for sure and all the things I ever wanted. I look at you and I listen to the conversation flowing back and forth between us and I think the same thought again: You and I could do this.
I am somewhere between the Diet Pepsi and the salad before the entree and it hits me so hard in every obvious place in my heart that I nearly chuckle at myself for letting my thoughts get so far.
Yes, you and I could do this. We could get that close.
But we won't. We'll keep talking and laughing and from moment to moment for the rest of the night I will look at you, as beautiful and as sharp and inspiring as you are, and I will think again of that kiss that is never going to come. Those thoughts are all I will ever have of what you and I could be.
I'm about ten seconds away from my mind starting it's tilt-a-whirl ride from here to your front door, tossed around and about at how I could meet someone so incredible and perfect in so many ways and have it still not be enough.
From the driver's seat I am going to look at your profile and I lose myself in some lustful thought that I'll allow myself to have only because I know for sure I won't act on it. I'll imagine that kiss one more time and I'll try not to raise the temperature by wondering for a second about the series of kisses and clothing that would come or come off days or weeks from tonight in some alternate universe where you and I will never walk.
I'm walking you up to the entrance of your building and even our shadows from the streetlights look right when side by side. We could fool anyone and even fool ourselves. The entrance door is shut, your keys are out, and I am looking at you straight on and there it is: You look at me and there is a smile unlike any other you've shown till now, the one that says you know and leaves me to wonder for just how long> When did you figure it out? Was it after the ravioli or did it come before that? Was it something I did with my napkin or a change in the tenor of my voice?
When exactly between me pulling out your chair and my credit card taking on a little more debt did you see right through me? Did I begin to look at you as differently as you're looking at me right now? For a moment, in this realization that you know, that you've known for minutes or maybe hours, I am reminded of all the things that made me think I wanted this and the things that made me think I could want you. You and I could do this but you know as sure as the night sky above us that we won't.
So I wonder how far into the future can you see? I find myself dying to know. Can you see me on the phone 10 minutes from now, checking to see if she is home? Can you see me in an hour when I drive over to her place? When she answers the door can you hear me saying without fear that I don't want to see other people, that I don't need to see other people, because all I see in anyone anymore is her.
Can you get a picture of me having that moment, all at once so confident but still so nervous? Do you know how it all turns out? Would you tell me if you did? Am I about to drive away forever or will you find me coming before you tomorrow, broken and lost, yet still wondering somewhere deep in the back of my mind if maybe you and I could do this...
Or am I crazy for even asking? Tell me... am I even close?
**************
I originally wrote this in 2005. I changed a little of it but most of it is has held up. Thanks for reading!
J