Wish I may
i am losing my love for adventure
i'm losing all respect
for me and myself tonight
i wonder what happens if i get to
the end of this tunnel
and there isn't a light
i've worn down the treads
on all of my tires
i've worn through the elbows
and the knees of my clothing
i am stumbling down
the gravel driveway of desire
trying not to wake up
my sleeping self-loathing
do you ever have that dream
where you open your mouth
and you try to scream
but you can't make a sound
that's every day starting now
that's every day starting now
don't tell me it's gonna be alright
you can't sell me on your optimism tonight
it's stiff competition
to see who can stay up later
the stars or the street lights
all they really want
is to be alone with the darkness
no more wish i may
no more wish i might
it takes a stiff upper lip
just to hold up my face
i got to suck it up and savor
the taste of my own behavior
i am spinning with longing
faster than a roulette wheel
this is not who i meant to be
this is not how i meant to feel
i don't think i am strong enough
to do this much longer
god i wish i was stronger
this song could never be long enough
to express every longing
god i wish it was longer
I have a lot of clearing to do today. Teri and I broke up and I'm not sure wether to call it a mistake or what but we made out last night and now we get to clear. I'm not really looking forward to it and yet I am. I have a lot to say about where I stand, about how I see her. Ultimately I just get to empower her to be the amazing woman of her dreams and go out and get what she wants and deserves. I could sit around and "hope" to be the woman or man of her dreams but that won't help either of us in the situation. I'd love for it to work. I'd enjoy being with her, but I can't keep putting on the brakes and then the gas, then brakes. It's driving me crazy. Maybe we're just friends with benefits. Maybe not. Maybe were just best friends. Then again for me, it has been more.
RAAAAAAAAAAA! But other than that things are good. I have a date tonight, not a real date, but I met this sweet chick last night at Outfest and we're going out for dinner before we go see the Drag Kings movie. I'm pretty excited about it. It seems like it'll be fun. I invited my friend Leslie from work. She just moved here from Illinios and I'm so glad we hooked up. She's as sweet as warm apple pie. Gotta dig her!
It's been a nice yet confusing couple of days talking ti Katie Kelley again. But that's that. We'll see where it goes from here, no expectations, no preferences. It is what it is.
I miss Heather and Bryan. I'm going to Georgia to visit them next month. I'm excited about that. That's about it for now. Time to get back to work. Hope you liked the song. I didn't write it, it's by Ani. It sums up my life lately. She's amazing!
i'm losing all respect
for me and myself tonight
i wonder what happens if i get to
the end of this tunnel
and there isn't a light
i've worn down the treads
on all of my tires
i've worn through the elbows
and the knees of my clothing
i am stumbling down
the gravel driveway of desire
trying not to wake up
my sleeping self-loathing
do you ever have that dream
where you open your mouth
and you try to scream
but you can't make a sound
that's every day starting now
that's every day starting now
don't tell me it's gonna be alright
you can't sell me on your optimism tonight
it's stiff competition
to see who can stay up later
the stars or the street lights
all they really want
is to be alone with the darkness
no more wish i may
no more wish i might
it takes a stiff upper lip
just to hold up my face
i got to suck it up and savor
the taste of my own behavior
i am spinning with longing
faster than a roulette wheel
this is not who i meant to be
this is not how i meant to feel
i don't think i am strong enough
to do this much longer
god i wish i was stronger
this song could never be long enough
to express every longing
god i wish it was longer
I have a lot of clearing to do today. Teri and I broke up and I'm not sure wether to call it a mistake or what but we made out last night and now we get to clear. I'm not really looking forward to it and yet I am. I have a lot to say about where I stand, about how I see her. Ultimately I just get to empower her to be the amazing woman of her dreams and go out and get what she wants and deserves. I could sit around and "hope" to be the woman or man of her dreams but that won't help either of us in the situation. I'd love for it to work. I'd enjoy being with her, but I can't keep putting on the brakes and then the gas, then brakes. It's driving me crazy. Maybe we're just friends with benefits. Maybe not. Maybe were just best friends. Then again for me, it has been more.
RAAAAAAAAAAA! But other than that things are good. I have a date tonight, not a real date, but I met this sweet chick last night at Outfest and we're going out for dinner before we go see the Drag Kings movie. I'm pretty excited about it. It seems like it'll be fun. I invited my friend Leslie from work. She just moved here from Illinios and I'm so glad we hooked up. She's as sweet as warm apple pie. Gotta dig her!
It's been a nice yet confusing couple of days talking ti Katie Kelley again. But that's that. We'll see where it goes from here, no expectations, no preferences. It is what it is.
I miss Heather and Bryan. I'm going to Georgia to visit them next month. I'm excited about that. That's about it for now. Time to get back to work. Hope you liked the song. I didn't write it, it's by Ani. It sums up my life lately. She's amazing!