Halo mis-hallow
This morning I awoke to the harsh murmer of my alarm clock. With the tip of my progressively aging finger I shut it off and decended beneath my 100 thread count egyption cotton sheets. I hadn't felt this good in days, or even years. As I childishly tossed and turned in my bed, slowly venturing through the maze of blankets, my toes peeked out as I gently set them on the cool hardwood floors. The sun beemed as I opened my light blocking curtains and as the fabric moved I could smell you and my heart stopped. Lost in my thoughts I remember now how tortuous my weeks before today were and my morning smirk faded from my lips and a single tear gathered in my eye and fell to the floor shattering like glass.
The year dosnt matter, what mattered was the fact that it was spring and we were in love. "Ready!" I turned an set my eyes on you, and even though you spent an hour and a half getting ready for whatever plans we had made the second I saw you I was undressing you with every glance. "What?!" you shout at me impatiently. "Nothing..." I paused once again to drink you all in "Do I look rediculous?" I smile and take a few steps closer towards you, gently brushing your dark hair away from your cheek "You look..." our lips gently graze eachother, just enough for our lipsticks to infuse crating a new nonexisting shade of MAC that could only resemble the matte plum sexy satin red with a hint of gloss that pretty much embodied our entire relationship "...amazing".
I take a deep breath closing the door to our apartment behind me. I step into the elevator and continue to the streets of the city we lived in. The sounds of rushing cars, birds, chit chatting 20somethings at overpriced cafe's and a warm august breeze are all muted out only by the whispy voice of Gwen Stephanie guiding me past our favorite resturant. I stand waiting for the light to change so I can walk across the avenue, I glance at the couple sitting at our table and its us. I remember this date, you were wearing that black shirt with the straps that never stay on your shoulders, id enjoy running my finger tips over your skin to adjust it to its rightful place and how your face would be flushed with color as your embaressed smile danced across your lips. The sound of a honking taxi rips me from my day dream and I continue to walk.
"Thanks Deter!" I hand him a 20 dollar bill and sniff the stargazer lillys and daffodils with just enough babies breath, stuffing the change in my back pocket as I walk out of the flower shop I stop to hold the door for a woman and her toddler. The 2 to 2 and a half year old little boy looks over his shoulder while holding his mothers hand and smiles, I smile back. You squeeze my hand and pull me to the 4th to last row of the movie theater, Its just now getting dark and the previews start. I push the arm rest up so we can get close to eachother, giggling we kiss and make jokes at the screen and then the eyes start. Peering over their shoulders, a man from behind us coughs and grunts with disproval "Dykes.." He snarls. We both shrink in our seats some, then I look at you and I can see the glimmering streams of tears capturing the light of the movie on your face. "Lets go" I say as I take your hand in mine and lead you out of the movie theater.
We argued that night, the worst one we had ever had. You kept asking "Why dose everyone hate what we are?" and protested that all you want is to be "Normal". You left our apartment angry that night, slamming to door behind you, and with your feirce slam the silver picture frame my friends got me for christmas 2 years ago flies off the wall hitting the floor with a crash. As I gather the pieces with shards of glass all ascque I find the picture of us last summer and I start to think what could possibly be wrong with our love?
My Chuck Taylors start to squeak and fill with water once it really starts to rain, but I've already made it to the entrance of the cemetary so there's no turning back now. I haven't been here since the funeral and I don't quiet know how to feel as I come up to the pink marble headstone. I fall to my knees and place your favorite stargazer lilys and my favorite daffodils bouquet against the headstone right where your picture is. I run the same fingers I used to brush your dark brown hair from you cheek with, the same hands I placed inside yours when we danced and the same finger tips I ran down your back over your name engraved in that stone for eternity. "I wish you were here now. And I wish I could just tell you I love you once more" all I can do is sob in the rain on that warm rainy thursday morning. A hand gently rests on my shoulder and I just cry more. "I wish it was me and not you. I wish it were me..." I can smell you again as your angelic voice whispers "it was you".
Opening my eyes in a unfamiliar space filled with mist and a fuzzy warm light. You stand before me in a flowing white gown, eyes lit up like the morning sky. You look as beautiful as ever and without words we embrace each other, our bodies pressed so tight I can feel you breath as if we'er breathing as one. Your hair brushes past my lips as you nuzzle my chest and shoulder, im holding you so tight I have to catch myself. "Are you okay?" I ask stupidly "of course your not okay. Your dead. Im sorry, I've just missed you so much. Did you say I was dead too? Where are we??" your finger pressed against my lips, yours eyes say it all and I shut up quite abruptly.
The year dosnt matter, what mattered was the fact that it was spring and we were in love. "Ready!" I turned an set my eyes on you, and even though you spent an hour and a half getting ready for whatever plans we had made the second I saw you I was undressing you with every glance. "What?!" you shout at me impatiently. "Nothing..." I paused once again to drink you all in "Do I look rediculous?" I smile and take a few steps closer towards you, gently brushing your dark hair away from your cheek "You look..." our lips gently graze eachother, just enough for our lipsticks to infuse crating a new nonexisting shade of MAC that could only resemble the matte plum sexy satin red with a hint of gloss that pretty much embodied our entire relationship "...amazing".
I take a deep breath closing the door to our apartment behind me. I step into the elevator and continue to the streets of the city we lived in. The sounds of rushing cars, birds, chit chatting 20somethings at overpriced cafe's and a warm august breeze are all muted out only by the whispy voice of Gwen Stephanie guiding me past our favorite resturant. I stand waiting for the light to change so I can walk across the avenue, I glance at the couple sitting at our table and its us. I remember this date, you were wearing that black shirt with the straps that never stay on your shoulders, id enjoy running my finger tips over your skin to adjust it to its rightful place and how your face would be flushed with color as your embaressed smile danced across your lips. The sound of a honking taxi rips me from my day dream and I continue to walk.
"Thanks Deter!" I hand him a 20 dollar bill and sniff the stargazer lillys and daffodils with just enough babies breath, stuffing the change in my back pocket as I walk out of the flower shop I stop to hold the door for a woman and her toddler. The 2 to 2 and a half year old little boy looks over his shoulder while holding his mothers hand and smiles, I smile back. You squeeze my hand and pull me to the 4th to last row of the movie theater, Its just now getting dark and the previews start. I push the arm rest up so we can get close to eachother, giggling we kiss and make jokes at the screen and then the eyes start. Peering over their shoulders, a man from behind us coughs and grunts with disproval "Dykes.." He snarls. We both shrink in our seats some, then I look at you and I can see the glimmering streams of tears capturing the light of the movie on your face. "Lets go" I say as I take your hand in mine and lead you out of the movie theater.
We argued that night, the worst one we had ever had. You kept asking "Why dose everyone hate what we are?" and protested that all you want is to be "Normal". You left our apartment angry that night, slamming to door behind you, and with your feirce slam the silver picture frame my friends got me for christmas 2 years ago flies off the wall hitting the floor with a crash. As I gather the pieces with shards of glass all ascque I find the picture of us last summer and I start to think what could possibly be wrong with our love?
My Chuck Taylors start to squeak and fill with water once it really starts to rain, but I've already made it to the entrance of the cemetary so there's no turning back now. I haven't been here since the funeral and I don't quiet know how to feel as I come up to the pink marble headstone. I fall to my knees and place your favorite stargazer lilys and my favorite daffodils bouquet against the headstone right where your picture is. I run the same fingers I used to brush your dark brown hair from you cheek with, the same hands I placed inside yours when we danced and the same finger tips I ran down your back over your name engraved in that stone for eternity. "I wish you were here now. And I wish I could just tell you I love you once more" all I can do is sob in the rain on that warm rainy thursday morning. A hand gently rests on my shoulder and I just cry more. "I wish it was me and not you. I wish it were me..." I can smell you again as your angelic voice whispers "it was you".
Opening my eyes in a unfamiliar space filled with mist and a fuzzy warm light. You stand before me in a flowing white gown, eyes lit up like the morning sky. You look as beautiful as ever and without words we embrace each other, our bodies pressed so tight I can feel you breath as if we'er breathing as one. Your hair brushes past my lips as you nuzzle my chest and shoulder, im holding you so tight I have to catch myself. "Are you okay?" I ask stupidly "of course your not okay. Your dead. Im sorry, I've just missed you so much. Did you say I was dead too? Where are we??" your finger pressed against my lips, yours eyes say it all and I shut up quite abruptly.