so shocking where's your sense
The bath I take as soon as I get home must've lasted for hours. I keep draining the tub partially and filling it up again so the water wouldn't get cold. I think I fell asleep at one point, so I climb out and head to bed so I wouldn't drown, 'cause this would be a bad time in my life to drown. But once in bed, I can't sleep. I just lay there,
( Read more... )
"What kind of a girl do you think I am?" I whisper softly, but I'm smiling, tilting my head to the side to shake out my hair. But what kind of a girl am I? Would I go home with someone who's gorgeous and dangerous and whose touch lights me on fire like nobody's done for so long? Even if he's a stranger?
Because this isn't really Spike, at least not the Spike that I know. This is a younger Spike, a big city vampire, free and unrestrained as he was before he came to Sunnydale, met Buffy, before all of this happened. But then again, I'm an older Dawn.
My hips brush against his and I can feel him hardening against me, and that totally excites me, encourages me. I'm tired of going home with random boys, but I feel like I have a connection with this one, and it might be worth a try. Besides, the way he makes me feel... I wouldn't pass it up for a million bucks.
"What is the next step?" I ask softly, looking up at him and watching his blue eyes burn.
Reply
"What kind of girl do you want to be, pet?" I ask, settling my hands on her hips, my thumbs hooking under the waistband of her skirt.
"What is the next step?" she asks, looking straight up at me.
"In this case," I say, "I reckon the lady gets to choose. You look," I add, touching my lips to her throat for a moment, "like a girl who knows what sort of things she likes to pass the time." I look back up at her, pulling her closer to me. "All you have to do is... ask."
I can feel the heat rising between our two bodies as we look at each other. Last night I took Dawn in the way I wanted. Now I want to know what she wants, detached from our past and future and whatever bloody else there is. Just want to know what she wants now, and how she wants it.
I've always quite liked a girl who'll be upfront about things, after all.
Reply
If he was just a boy that I liked, that made me feel good and looked worthwhile, what would I do with him? I don't know - it doesn't really compare, because even if he's a stranger to me, he's so much more than all those guys out there that I've never really met and never will. It's obvious.
I slide my fingers up his side and then run my hands down his arms, amazed at the smoothness of his pale skin and the hard muscle underneath. I don't think it'll ever cease to amaze me - I was just as attracted to it when I was fourteen, only now I can do something about it.
"All you have to do is... ask."
I smile. Dawn Summers, being the younger sister, knows how to get what she wants. My hands slide over Spike's arms, coming to rest on his shoulders, then slip to the back of his neck to touch his platinum hair.
"I'd like to get to know you better."
Yeah, I'm just that kind of a girl.
Reply
"I'd like to get to know you better," says Dawn, a little suggestively, but there's a touch of something real there, too. Something vulnerable hidden behind the smoky eyeliner.
I lead her off the dancefloor to the bar, where I order us drinks. I like the ritual aspect of it - guy meets girl, buys her a drink, they talk in a way that's like dancing, words colliding and caressing, knowing that their bodies will do the same later.
"Know me better?" I ask, tilting my head to the side. I tug gently on the collar of my t-shirt, giving her a glimpse of the skin below, letting her see what things she can get to know better later. "Ask a question then, love - but any answers I give will mean you have to forfeit something," I say, smiling slightly, the corner of my mouth turning up as I look brazenly across her body.
Reply
His eyes skim my body, and I'd be annoyed if it was anyone else, but I'm doing the same, watching the flash of pale skin underneath the ripped shirt. And as much as I want to touch him, and have him touch me, this is nice, this weird normality, the talking, the tension.
"Forfeit?" I raise my eyebrows, looking up at him, and lick my lips. The more I gain, the more I lose, is that what it's like? Fine. "I'll play."
Leaning against the bar, I trace patterns over the glass, shake back my hair and bite my lip lightly. "What do you look for in a girl?"
Tricky question. Drusilla, Buffy, different as night and day, and now me, if I even count... but I'd like to know. What he sees in me, what he saw in them, what he looks for in everyone.
Reply
"What do you look for in a girl?" she asks, and again there is that hint of vulnerability. I think for a moment and shrug.
"Dunno. I like... I like a woman with strength of mind." Alright, Dru had been crazy, but she was strong-willed about it. And Buffy had always been so determined, her mind flying straight like an arrow. Dawn, I think, is less like that. Her mind coils and loops. But there's strength there. "I want her to be able to see something in me that other people don't," I say quietly. Dru had seen it. Had found me in an alleyway and plucked something out of the air and made me. Buffy didn't see it, I don't reckon. I wish she had. Dawn, at least, didn't treat me like a monster. "I want someone I can be lost for a while in."
The conversation is taking a decidedly serious tone, and I'm not sure I want that. I scrabble in my pocket and pull out my cigarettes. Lighting one, I add:
"'Course, a good rack and a loose attitude towards the wearing of underwear also helps."
Reply
But I don't even know where I stand. What kind of a relationship is this? We both want each other, and we both care for each other, but there's no love... is there? He's my childhood protector turned undead lover, but what am I to him? I never stopped wanting him, not since I was like, fourteen, but he never felt that way about me until now... Everything's so fucking weird.
"I want someone I can be lost for a while in."
Spike doesn't usually talk about his feelings, doesn't open up easily, so that surprises me. And I agree, too, because I've tried to lose myself in many boys, but it only brought me back around to being too aware of myself.
Then he covers up that moment of clarity with some stupid shallow comment, and the small smile on my face turns into a smirk. "Of course," I agree, how just like Spike.
Moving forward, I pull a cigarette out of the pack and hold it between two fingers, waiting for him to light it for me. "So, what's your plan?" I ask, and smile. What I really want to ask is 'why me?' but I think it's a little too serious for Spike's taste right now, and probably mine as well.
Reply
"So what's your plan?" she asks, smiling at me.
"My plan, love, is to make you think it's a good idea to go home with me," I say, tracing a finger along the curve of her jaw. "How long d'you reckon it'll take?" I ask, raising an eyebrow and letting my hand settle on her hip, my thumb gently rubbing the skin between her shirt and skirt.
Reply
"It's never a good idea to go home with strangers," I say softly, feeling the cool weight of his hand on my hip. Raising my eyes to his face, I take in his appearance again - the messy hair, the dark-lined eyes, the ripped shirt and the silver spikes around his wrist. And I know I want him, but I also want to know him, the Spike that he was before Sunnydale and Buffy and all of that happened. I want to know how things would've been between us if he hadn't been my caretaker. If we were just two perfect strangers.
"But then again," I say, shrugging, "I've never been a very sensible girl."
Reply
"'S right, pet," I say. "Sunnydale's full of bad things, and how are you to know I'm not one of them?"
"I've never been a very sensible girl," she says with a graceful shrug, and I smile.
"I'm not a very sensible boy, either," I say. "Got me in trouble more than once. But I won't hurt you tonight. Not in a way you don't want, anyway," I add softly, my mouth close to her ear, and I can feel the heat of her desire.
I step back and take her hand.
"Walk with me," I say, and it's more of a request than a command. "I'm fed up of being around other people tonight." I look down at her, straight into her eyes, and my next words are warm and low. "All I want right now is you." I straighten up. "And if you don't trust me, we can go to your place," I add lightly, as if I were just some bloke picking up a girl and doing his best to make her feel comfortable. At least it can be that simple tonight.
Reply
I could be myself around him, comfortable. I hope he can feel that way around me.
He takes my hand and I lace my fingers through his, feeling his skin warm up slowly against mine. My cheeks flush as he mentions hurting me. Yeah, I've got bite marks all over to prove that true. It's weird, I never used to be into that, I mean, not really, but with Spike, it's different. With him, pain is hard to avoid, and you don't really want to avoid it anyway.
I glance down for a moment, then back up at him. "I don't trust you," I say with a small smile, because it's true, I don't, I don't trust anyone, not even myself, "don't take it personally. But I've got a roommate that's not all there, so maybe we should avoid her."
Squeezing his hand lightly, I take a step towards him. "Let's go."
Reply
"Don't take it personally, love. I don't really trust myself, either," and I frown slightly, even though the line was meant to come out lightly. I don't trust myself with her, and that's the truth, and maybe that's why this game appeals to me, cos it's taking me away from having to trust myself, to think of what's best even though it's against my nature.
We walk out into the dark, and the air is crisp. Her fingers are hot pressed against my palm, and she smells of smoke and salt and flowers.
I think about taking her back to my crypt, but it occurs to me that if Dawn didn't really know me, the idea of being shagged in a tomb would probably be disturbing. And if we go back there, all I'll think about is last night. I want tonight to feel different.
So I lead her down a narrow street to a darker part of town, to a place lit with a red neon light. The kind of hotel that rents by the hour, and the clerk asks no questions of a couple who smell of a nightclub and bring no luggage. We don't even talk. I just hand him a furl of bills and he gives me a key. The fob is of a ceramic heart, and we find out why when we reach the room. The bed is heart shaped too.
"Lovely," I say, raising my eyebrows at Dawn. Still, I like the place's anonymity... and the bundle of goods by the bed. Handcuffs and the like, all vaccuum sealed in plastic. It makes me laugh slightly, these sordid things so hygienically wrapped, and then I turn and kiss Dawn lightly, lightly on the lips.
Reply
Story of my life.
We walk down the street, hand in hand, the punk and his club-kid girlfriend. My hand in his feels weird because it's so ordinary. Normal people hold hands. We fuck and destroy.
He leads me to a shady hotel, lit up all dim in an attempt to be dramatic. I can't help but giggle as we pay the clerk and get the key. That guy knows exactly what happens in this place and he's never in on the action. I toss my hair at him as we walk away, it's mean but I can't help but taunt him.
I laugh outright when I see the room. It's kind of cute, in a terribly cliche way. So damn tragic, the heart-shaped bed and all. And there's a bunch of things at the bedside which make me blush. This should be interesting. Spike turns and kisses me softly, and I kiss him back. Sliding my hands up his arms to wrap around his shoulders, I press my body against his and think that this is how these things should happen, gently and shyly, exploring and tasting.
Reply
I step back after a minute. I take a lock of her hair in my hand and run my fingers through it. For a moment I think of how Buffy would stroke Dawn's hair and I feel a surge of grief, but then it's gone. That Dawn is gone, too, and now there's just her and me in a sleazy room, wondering where we go from here.
"Tell me what you want, love," I say quietly in her ear. I don't want her to do what I want, or for me to show her things that she'll like. I want to know what Dawn wants without my prompting. What would make her happiest, most satisfied tonight. Last night had been bloody amazing, and Dawn had loved it too, but it'd been on my terms. I want to see what her terms are. I smile at her in the gloom of the room. "Anything. You can't shock me. Not even with ordinariness," I add, the corner of my mouth curling upwards.
Reply
I look over to the heart-shaped bed, covered with a red throw, and smile. Our surroundings are more amusing to me than anything else. It's so typical, like a bad soap opera or something, it's sooo romantic except it isn't. Except it is what we make it, I guess.
What I want. What do I want? Reaching down for Spike's hand, I lace my fingers through his, then look back up at him. My other arm I wrap around his shoulders, pulling him closer, feeling the place where his heart should beat. What I want is him. But I guess what I want is to make up the chance that we never had, to meet, to sleep together for the first time, to get to know each other more intimately. Sex doesn't always mean intimacy.
There was intimacy last night, but of a very different kind. And as much as I love what Spike does, as much as I want it, I feel like we deserve that chance, that discovery.
Running my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, I look up at him, watching his mouth smile, watching his eyes watch me. "I won't tell you," I whisper, lips brushing against his cheek. "I'll show you."
And I pull him over to the bed.
Reply
I squeeze her fingers gently. She strokes the back of my neck.
"I won't tell you," she whispers teasingly, her lips just touching my cheek, her breath warm. "I'll show you."
We move over to the bed and sit on its cheap satinette sheets. Better be careful I don't smoke in bed, I reckon. That stuff looks flammable.
I cup Dawn's jaw with my hand and trace her cupid's bow with my forefinger.
"Then show me, love," I say, lying down on the bed, my hands behind my head, looking up at her. "I'm all yours."
Reply
Leave a comment