Messed
I think I've realized why I don't like being with him, dad. It hurts in these situations but it hurts more knowing he wouldn't come after me if I left. Now, get me right... he didn't last time and thats how I know. But the good times keep me coming back. for instance today...
My dad has gone insane! lol. He grew up in Philli, so today I would have died laughing if you had told me a year ago that today would happen. He would have cracked up too. Well today... he drove a truck, in the country, to a butcher shop, ran a red light, and parked on a sidewalk. ROTFL. Quite an interesting time. But then later, once again I notice differences. I hate how my dad's changing. But from all this I actually have grown to like Diane. She is nice... in a weird way. As far as clothes and boy advice and teenage stuff.
On another note... is love or whatever this is supposed to make you feel weird? Make you scared! Well, whatever this is thats what its making me. Thursday JM came over. Well, Friday I didn't talk to him. Today, he didn't call. I feel like that rule of wait 3 days to call thing. I hate it. I kept my phone with me just hoping when it rang it was him. Well it wasn't. Then online barely talks, cause he had to go as usual but... still. I hate all the little worries. The little stupid self doubts. I feel so vulnerable, putting myself in a postion to be hurt. But I'm trying to trust. I'm TRYING not to be paranoid. but still... I'm scared when I see the prettier girls, scared when I don't get a response, scared when plans change. A relationship is like a butterfly... hold it to tightly and it crushes, hold it too slightly and it flies away. I'm trying to find the balance, but either way... I'm still scared. Why do the movies make it look so easy and destined? Life isn't like the movies, but we still watch and look for our leading man. Well this lead character is a wreck. I just need to breathe and relax. I just need to sleep, its been a long weekend.
Whats better... together and stressed, or single and lonely?
Manda