Hahahaha, my life.
I'm a wreck.
I ate sidewalk the other morning. With my entire face. It was delicious. Hilarious. Great way to end a date! Six hours in the ER.
I'll be fine, dudes. I'm a tough little lady. I laughed it all off. I didn't take anything for the pain until last night, when I tried to soak my face over the stove with some sea salted water and then my body gave up. I almost lost consciousness. I felt faint, the sound of my air conditioner started to warp and become distant and distorted, I broke out in a sweat, I couldn't stay vertical. I was laying on the floor with the fridge open swearing I'd never forgive myself if I just passed out. And so I didn't. I pulled bottle after bottle of wine out of the bottom of my fridge, each felt like fifty pounds. I finally got to a bottle of tea, opened it with my left hand somehow, and drank until I felt good enough to crawl to the bathroom and lay on the floor with my legs sticking out (because my bathroom is a step up, which really sucks right now!). And drinking it really sucked, what with the tooth and all.
I split my tooth in half (the nerve is exposed which totally RULES!), my face is fucked (obviously), my knuckles on my right hand are torn the fuck up (so bad I can't make a fist or open bottles...like bottles of children's goddamn motrin), sidewalkrash all over my right arm, and I tore one or two things in my right knee (and sprained the other two or one, depending on how many I tore).
But, yeah. No biggie. I'll survive.
It's too awesome not to post about.
And I can't really do much but rewatch all this Curb Your Enthusiasm and read and internet when my arms feel up for it.
Right now I have Dr. Hauschka's Mercurialis Wound Rescue slathered on all my cuts and it smells so bad and is turning them yellow but whateverrrrr as long as this shit goes away! And yellow is good, right? I hope.
I need to get my bike fixed up a little bit so I can ride again.
Once my knee, you know...moves at all. And I stop nearly passing out around my apartment.
Baby steps! Baby hobbles.
The only thing that was scary was when the doctor asked me to lift up my leg. I did the left one no problem, almost laughably fine. But then I could not move or lift my right one at all. I've never been able to not move a limb. A huge slab of dead, painful weight. But nothing is broken. Unfortunately, nothing feels comfortable, either. You know that feeling when you twist your knee or hip out of place somehow, and it's suddenly excruciating, and you're instantly like "OH FUCK!" and can't move? It's like that, always, at best.
Stay safe, dudes.
And, seriously, this sucks, and it's painful, and I'm missing a lot of work which means not making any money to pay all these bills I am accruing, but I'll be fine. :)
Things could have been so, so much worse.
They could have been better! The night was looking pretty promising. Ah, shit. Whatever. I had to go and be an idiot. As usual.