matadors chase the bull in a china shop...
jesus.
spring break has been rife with victory, but punctuated by terrible bouts of mediocrity.
it all started with Florida. our mock trial team took third place, after trouncing UCLA, and are now able to go to gold flight with our other team (which qualified straight from regionals) in lovely, sunny Des Moines, Iowa.
now here's the problem.
this week, and for a few days before, i have spent absolutely no time with my girlfriend. before regionals time, she'd stayed at my house almost every single night since Valentine's Day.
...that's quite a long time.
and it's not that i don't miss her, of course i miss her. but the time apart has got me thinking.
poor Cloutman with is girlfriend, like an albatross around his neck, happy to only flirt with girls. I want to flirt and hook up with, after all, i'm young, and the spryness of youth is lost all too soon.
the only thing is: of course i don't want her to hook up with anyone, so fuck having an open relationship. and i don't want to get rid of her. i mean, i love her. or, at whatever evolutionary stage in the conceptual framework of love i am currently at, i definitely feel it for her.
in florida i felt the desperate need to try and go outside the bounds of my relationship with her.
the only thing that stopped me was the fact that i couldn't.
i don't know what would've happened had i been able to.
does she feel this way?
does everyone have these desires?
are these desires a testament to the quicksand-like foundation of our relationship...?
goddamn the sex is amazing.
haven't i been here before?
shit.
drew once told me that i'd never get with robyn. well, actually he told me that i might get with her and i might sleep with her (once)... but he could never see her committing to me.
sometimes i think about that. and i think that it's true, to some extent.
i can't see her committed to me. :sigh:
get back to me with any thoughts at all.
...shit.
spring break has been rife with victory, but punctuated by terrible bouts of mediocrity.
it all started with Florida. our mock trial team took third place, after trouncing UCLA, and are now able to go to gold flight with our other team (which qualified straight from regionals) in lovely, sunny Des Moines, Iowa.
now here's the problem.
this week, and for a few days before, i have spent absolutely no time with my girlfriend. before regionals time, she'd stayed at my house almost every single night since Valentine's Day.
...that's quite a long time.
and it's not that i don't miss her, of course i miss her. but the time apart has got me thinking.
poor Cloutman with is girlfriend, like an albatross around his neck, happy to only flirt with girls. I want to flirt and hook up with, after all, i'm young, and the spryness of youth is lost all too soon.
the only thing is: of course i don't want her to hook up with anyone, so fuck having an open relationship. and i don't want to get rid of her. i mean, i love her. or, at whatever evolutionary stage in the conceptual framework of love i am currently at, i definitely feel it for her.
in florida i felt the desperate need to try and go outside the bounds of my relationship with her.
the only thing that stopped me was the fact that i couldn't.
i don't know what would've happened had i been able to.
does she feel this way?
does everyone have these desires?
are these desires a testament to the quicksand-like foundation of our relationship...?
goddamn the sex is amazing.
haven't i been here before?
shit.
drew once told me that i'd never get with robyn. well, actually he told me that i might get with her and i might sleep with her (once)... but he could never see her committing to me.
sometimes i think about that. and i think that it's true, to some extent.
i can't see her committed to me. :sigh:
get back to me with any thoughts at all.
...shit.