...
So i log in to livejournal (actually log in as opposed to go to my friends page and look at the random postings of my friend's lives...) and I see that it has been exactly 20 weeks since I last posted. That means I last posted when my son was about 2.5 months old... :/ you see my dilemma. So, the update...
Nikodaemos is now 7 months and some odd amount of days old. He's getting really really big, and sooo adorable. Looks kinda like me when i was a baby, only with a more round face, and fatter. He's definitely "fat kids need food" material. 23 lbs or so. He's on second foods (thicker glop basically), crawling (officially doing AWESOME as of today... he just started getting the hang of it on Sunday mind you) and can sit up fully for limited amounts of time.
Ok, enough blather about the baby, which is pretty much my life anymore. But hey. Who needs their relationship to actually be like a relationship, right? I mean come on, that's so passe. Well, ok, i won't say i don't want it to be like that, it's more the fact that I've accepted the fact that I'm pretty much in a marriage that isn't really much like a relationship anymore. In fact, it's mildly mirroring my parents' marriage of 30 years in that I never see him, he's never around me and we don't really talk anymore. Yeah sounds about right. Now here's the issue. I'm 23, he's 29 and uh, we've been together for 2 years... oh and living together for almost 1. and now we live with my parents again, and have a kid. Yeah, this is a spectacular start to the rest of my life.
And he knows that I'm pretty fucking sick of it. But well, there's not much I can do. I bend over backwards and try to make everything work, but well when you work 40+ hours a week, have a 2 hour drive time, want to spend time with your child and need sleep, and the other half of the relationship doesn't go out of their way to spend time with you when you ARE home, well relationships tend to suffer at that point. I envy my friends that have their well balanced relationships that they do get to spend time with their significant other. I really do. But I can't let the world see how miserable I am in this relationship most of the time because I'd just get a bunch of "I told you so"'s from my family, because my mother aunt and sister all think he's not good enough for me. Never mind the fact that I fell in love in the first place. Granted, I'm even starting to wonder why i put up with his bullshit because i think the nicest thing he's said to me recently was "dinner tasted good" and "I'm not attacking your cooking". Gah. I guess the best thing to say is that I don't really know which way is up anymore, and I don't even think i care, because it's not like it's ever going to matter again. He's miserable which means in his mind I have to be miserable. And I hate being miserable. Then again, even he admitted that giving nik up probably would have been way worse. Anyway, I'm off to go and fall asleep at 9p. :/
Nikodaemos is now 7 months and some odd amount of days old. He's getting really really big, and sooo adorable. Looks kinda like me when i was a baby, only with a more round face, and fatter. He's definitely "fat kids need food" material. 23 lbs or so. He's on second foods (thicker glop basically), crawling (officially doing AWESOME as of today... he just started getting the hang of it on Sunday mind you) and can sit up fully for limited amounts of time.
Ok, enough blather about the baby, which is pretty much my life anymore. But hey. Who needs their relationship to actually be like a relationship, right? I mean come on, that's so passe. Well, ok, i won't say i don't want it to be like that, it's more the fact that I've accepted the fact that I'm pretty much in a marriage that isn't really much like a relationship anymore. In fact, it's mildly mirroring my parents' marriage of 30 years in that I never see him, he's never around me and we don't really talk anymore. Yeah sounds about right. Now here's the issue. I'm 23, he's 29 and uh, we've been together for 2 years... oh and living together for almost 1. and now we live with my parents again, and have a kid. Yeah, this is a spectacular start to the rest of my life.
And he knows that I'm pretty fucking sick of it. But well, there's not much I can do. I bend over backwards and try to make everything work, but well when you work 40+ hours a week, have a 2 hour drive time, want to spend time with your child and need sleep, and the other half of the relationship doesn't go out of their way to spend time with you when you ARE home, well relationships tend to suffer at that point. I envy my friends that have their well balanced relationships that they do get to spend time with their significant other. I really do. But I can't let the world see how miserable I am in this relationship most of the time because I'd just get a bunch of "I told you so"'s from my family, because my mother aunt and sister all think he's not good enough for me. Never mind the fact that I fell in love in the first place. Granted, I'm even starting to wonder why i put up with his bullshit because i think the nicest thing he's said to me recently was "dinner tasted good" and "I'm not attacking your cooking". Gah. I guess the best thing to say is that I don't really know which way is up anymore, and I don't even think i care, because it's not like it's ever going to matter again. He's miserable which means in his mind I have to be miserable. And I hate being miserable. Then again, even he admitted that giving nik up probably would have been way worse. Anyway, I'm off to go and fall asleep at 9p. :/