Invisible
I feel so fucking invisible. Ever since I gained all this weight, I feel horribly insecure about myself, as if I wasn't insecure enough as it is before. I feel like guys never notice me and they pick anyone and any other option over giving me a chance. Even my own mother told me I'll only find a guy when I lose weight, which didn't help my self-esteem.
It's horrible to feel that I can't get into a club because I'm not thin enough, or that people judge me because I've gotten on the heavy side. Worse, I hate looking a cute guy in the eye and they just passing over me with a look of complete indifference.
This fact, that I am judged harshly because I'm not thin, makes me depressed and ashamed and makes me even less motivated to lose the weight because I don't want to be judged superficially. I want a guy to be fascinated with me, not staring at my love handles.
I hate this feeling of flailing my arms for recognition, some attention, and getting no response, not even a glance in my direction.
I feel...ugly.
It's horrible to feel that I can't get into a club because I'm not thin enough, or that people judge me because I've gotten on the heavy side. Worse, I hate looking a cute guy in the eye and they just passing over me with a look of complete indifference.
This fact, that I am judged harshly because I'm not thin, makes me depressed and ashamed and makes me even less motivated to lose the weight because I don't want to be judged superficially. I want a guy to be fascinated with me, not staring at my love handles.
I hate this feeling of flailing my arms for recognition, some attention, and getting no response, not even a glance in my direction.
I feel...ugly.