(no subject)
>< update before I lose my mind.. well not really an update.. jsut.. I need to get something off my chest and it's so small that it shouldn't bug me and yeah >< I always ruin my journals with crap like this ><
Lately I've felt so.. I dunno.. like tI can't do anything right.. like everything I do is bad and I try and note it mentally that I shouldn't be like that, but I always forget and do it again, or I do soemthing else and I have to note that ><
if I had had time I would have cut, but I don't feel like using adhesives to hold my flesh together >< and I can't jsut grave my skin anymore.. unless it's deep, it doesn't do it for me anymore >< it feels better when it's deeper, but I have to watch myself >< I hgave to watch how long, jsut how deep, and how close to veins and crap like that >< It shouldn't be so complicated >< it really shouldn't..
but yeah.. I dunno.. I don't know what to do to feel better >< it seems like nothing I do has a purpose.. maybe I'll always search for that.. like everything I do is in vain ><
Speaking of vain >< ... I wish i knew what to do to not be selfish anymore >< I keep thinking of everyone who's ever called me selfish and it just makes me feel worse.. like everything I've ever done was for myself.. ><
gah! Bryan called.. gotta go.. damn me >
Lately I've felt so.. I dunno.. like tI can't do anything right.. like everything I do is bad and I try and note it mentally that I shouldn't be like that, but I always forget and do it again, or I do soemthing else and I have to note that ><
if I had had time I would have cut, but I don't feel like using adhesives to hold my flesh together >< and I can't jsut grave my skin anymore.. unless it's deep, it doesn't do it for me anymore >< it feels better when it's deeper, but I have to watch myself >< I hgave to watch how long, jsut how deep, and how close to veins and crap like that >< It shouldn't be so complicated >< it really shouldn't..
but yeah.. I dunno.. I don't know what to do to feel better >< it seems like nothing I do has a purpose.. maybe I'll always search for that.. like everything I do is in vain ><
Speaking of vain >< ... I wish i knew what to do to not be selfish anymore >< I keep thinking of everyone who's ever called me selfish and it just makes me feel worse.. like everything I've ever done was for myself.. ><
gah! Bryan called.. gotta go.. damn me >