Being a continuation of the girl crush story
Latest update on the girl: I asked the people who might have her name. I made it so dumb by pausing after a long convo and saying, "So... I have an embarrassing question to ask." The second I said that aloud I felt my cheeks heating and then I had to cover my face, and I kept saying, "Oh god I just made it more embarrassing by saying it was embarrassing... oh my God I'm blushing ugggghhhh" and they were getting increasingly confused and probably wary XD Then I edged around asking about her by asking if they had the sign in sheet or could get a name etc...
Finally I said, "AUGH I should just tell you what it's about. I have a massive crush on this girl and she was there and I'm trying to figure out who she is."
"Ohhh," R said instantly. "I think I know who it is."
"You do?" A asked her.
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure. *I* even almost have a crush on her."
We talked some more about it with me mentioning the interactions we'd had until I mentioned:
"And I'm so shy--"
"What?!" they burst out simultaneously. "I never would have thought that of you!"
To which I replied, "Oh my god, I'm SO shy. It's why I'm still blushing right now even talking about this stupid thing."
They confirmed her first name was what I thought it was, but they couldn't tell me anything about her, her name, show me the sheet, anything, because I had mentioned how partially I did want to contact her for work but also because I have a crush on her. And honestly I was kind of glad they said that because I didn't want to put them in a weird position. It was why I was honest about why I was asking.
Well, that, and I'm generally an honest person. I don't like lying and I'm not manipulative. For me, manipulation isn't right and it isn't fair and I don't want to make someone do something for me without them having full choice in the matter. It could screw them over because they trusted me and that's not okay.
Anyway, we ended on them saying they'd check something related to work with her and if it turned out this work thing needed to go forward they could connect us.
I'm no longer worried about whether or not I'll see her again, though. Well, I was never worried but I was trying to figure out if I should do something. At this point, I've done what I can and I'm not pushing it beyond because I refuse to be creepy about this. Especially after A told me she knew this girl had dated men in the past, although, as A noted, "That doesn't mean she couldn't be bi."
My guess is she isn't bi. I'm sure she's straight, just friendly and beautiful. The pressure is gone from me now because I did what I could.
But fuck if I'm not blushing even writing this stupid ass entry right now. jfc If I do have to meet her for a work thing that's gonna have to be the one day I figure out how to wear blush to hide how pink my cheeks will probably otherwise get. That's one thing that sucks about being really pale. Red really stands out, and I can't hide a blush to save my life. Good thing I rarely blush. Leave it to my stupid shyness to make me blush all over hell on this shit.
That being said, I did find out one of the ladies I'd known for months is bi so that made me feel better about randomly coming out to them over some girl who's probably straight XD They commiserated with me actually, which made me feel better lol I mentioned how I was sure she'd be straight because most girls I have a crush on are.
R said, "That's funny, I have the opposite problem. Before I met my husband, most of the men I was attracted to were gay."
A laughed. "I'm bi, and for about 7 years every person I liked was either a straight woman or a gay man."
I had to laugh with them. "It's always the opposite of what you want, isn't it?"
"It really is," they said.
That made me feel better to know I wasn't the only one always drawn to someone who would never be drawn to me.
Finally I said, "AUGH I should just tell you what it's about. I have a massive crush on this girl and she was there and I'm trying to figure out who she is."
"Ohhh," R said instantly. "I think I know who it is."
"You do?" A asked her.
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure. *I* even almost have a crush on her."
We talked some more about it with me mentioning the interactions we'd had until I mentioned:
"And I'm so shy--"
"What?!" they burst out simultaneously. "I never would have thought that of you!"
To which I replied, "Oh my god, I'm SO shy. It's why I'm still blushing right now even talking about this stupid thing."
They confirmed her first name was what I thought it was, but they couldn't tell me anything about her, her name, show me the sheet, anything, because I had mentioned how partially I did want to contact her for work but also because I have a crush on her. And honestly I was kind of glad they said that because I didn't want to put them in a weird position. It was why I was honest about why I was asking.
Well, that, and I'm generally an honest person. I don't like lying and I'm not manipulative. For me, manipulation isn't right and it isn't fair and I don't want to make someone do something for me without them having full choice in the matter. It could screw them over because they trusted me and that's not okay.
Anyway, we ended on them saying they'd check something related to work with her and if it turned out this work thing needed to go forward they could connect us.
I'm no longer worried about whether or not I'll see her again, though. Well, I was never worried but I was trying to figure out if I should do something. At this point, I've done what I can and I'm not pushing it beyond because I refuse to be creepy about this. Especially after A told me she knew this girl had dated men in the past, although, as A noted, "That doesn't mean she couldn't be bi."
My guess is she isn't bi. I'm sure she's straight, just friendly and beautiful. The pressure is gone from me now because I did what I could.
But fuck if I'm not blushing even writing this stupid ass entry right now. jfc If I do have to meet her for a work thing that's gonna have to be the one day I figure out how to wear blush to hide how pink my cheeks will probably otherwise get. That's one thing that sucks about being really pale. Red really stands out, and I can't hide a blush to save my life. Good thing I rarely blush. Leave it to my stupid shyness to make me blush all over hell on this shit.
That being said, I did find out one of the ladies I'd known for months is bi so that made me feel better about randomly coming out to them over some girl who's probably straight XD They commiserated with me actually, which made me feel better lol I mentioned how I was sure she'd be straight because most girls I have a crush on are.
R said, "That's funny, I have the opposite problem. Before I met my husband, most of the men I was attracted to were gay."
A laughed. "I'm bi, and for about 7 years every person I liked was either a straight woman or a gay man."
I had to laugh with them. "It's always the opposite of what you want, isn't it?"
"It really is," they said.
That made me feel better to know I wasn't the only one always drawn to someone who would never be drawn to me.