experience of the other
so i took my host mom out to dinner last night because we're moving on sunday and we wanted to thank her for such a great time. so we went to this fancy restaurant up in the hills/mountains with a great view and it was so expensive but w/e it was fun..so we finish dinner at quarter to 1 and im ready to go to bed esp cuz its a tues night but shes like no u guys invited me to dinner so im inviting u to drink afterwards and the guy she likes was out and she wanted us to go out with him. so we ended up goin to a dive bar and then to a kareoke bar and ended up coming home at 4 am.
but while at the kareoke bar i felt like i was especially a spectacle...im kinda frustrated by it becaues i dont know if im being looked at cuz ppl think im attractive or its because im diff cuz im brown. and i just feel like i draw so much extra attn because im of color n i dont wanna have like these additional negative connotations about being of color and being uber sexual or w/e it is..but anyway some old man who was out with another friend and some woman hit on me by sayin something along the lines of i should switch places with that woman, which made me really uncomfy.
then one of my host moms friends took a picture with me and he gets behind me and kisses me on the cheek for the picture and then the second picture he turns my face basically tryin to actually kiss me, so we touched lips but i was laughin, i wasnt tryin to kiss him,,he was prolly like 30. then i was eating a lollipop and we were talkin about the flavor and i was like its cherry and he was liek lemme see and he took it and after wards he was like cherry right? ..im like yea..he likes quieres comprobar?im like wat does comprobar mean and he like gets close to me and basically tries to kiss me again and i like stuck my lollipop in my face and stopped him and later hes like so i kno this magic trick when u can kiss someone without touch their lips im like w/e i dont believe u and hes like ill show u and hes ike put ur hands in front of ur face in the shape of a triangle and close ur eyes and at that point im like uhhh no thats ok but it was just frustrating like why does someone have to try to kiss me everytime i go out. and i was starting to be embittered because i dont want extra attention because im "exotic"...but people have been tellin me its prob a combination of both..so im tryin to keep a positive view point..
ive started to miss home today because of all this beign of color conflict, esp in spain where there are no people of color besides vendors or peddlers and its gettin to me because the black ppl esp are so rejected from society and i just dont know how i should be behaving in the scheme of all this, like jst because im of color doesnt mean i should be buyin their stuff but i also feel bad ignoring them just like everyone else does..theyre like invisible people here. ill see maybe 5 black ppl a day if im lucky and theyll almost all be selling sometihng on the street. its a strange experience. im taking a class called experience of the other but i feel like i dont even have to be takin the class cuz im already experiencing part of it.
but while at the kareoke bar i felt like i was especially a spectacle...im kinda frustrated by it becaues i dont know if im being looked at cuz ppl think im attractive or its because im diff cuz im brown. and i just feel like i draw so much extra attn because im of color n i dont wanna have like these additional negative connotations about being of color and being uber sexual or w/e it is..but anyway some old man who was out with another friend and some woman hit on me by sayin something along the lines of i should switch places with that woman, which made me really uncomfy.
then one of my host moms friends took a picture with me and he gets behind me and kisses me on the cheek for the picture and then the second picture he turns my face basically tryin to actually kiss me, so we touched lips but i was laughin, i wasnt tryin to kiss him,,he was prolly like 30. then i was eating a lollipop and we were talkin about the flavor and i was like its cherry and he was liek lemme see and he took it and after wards he was like cherry right? ..im like yea..he likes quieres comprobar?im like wat does comprobar mean and he like gets close to me and basically tries to kiss me again and i like stuck my lollipop in my face and stopped him and later hes like so i kno this magic trick when u can kiss someone without touch their lips im like w/e i dont believe u and hes like ill show u and hes ike put ur hands in front of ur face in the shape of a triangle and close ur eyes and at that point im like uhhh no thats ok but it was just frustrating like why does someone have to try to kiss me everytime i go out. and i was starting to be embittered because i dont want extra attention because im "exotic"...but people have been tellin me its prob a combination of both..so im tryin to keep a positive view point..
ive started to miss home today because of all this beign of color conflict, esp in spain where there are no people of color besides vendors or peddlers and its gettin to me because the black ppl esp are so rejected from society and i just dont know how i should be behaving in the scheme of all this, like jst because im of color doesnt mean i should be buyin their stuff but i also feel bad ignoring them just like everyone else does..theyre like invisible people here. ill see maybe 5 black ppl a day if im lucky and theyll almost all be selling sometihng on the street. its a strange experience. im taking a class called experience of the other but i feel like i dont even have to be takin the class cuz im already experiencing part of it.