(no subject)
Well what a week it has been and time for a real update.
I have never cried so hard while letting Brenna go like I did yesterday. I was crying as I handed her off. I cried like a baby when I got in the car. The thought of what this is doing to her. How she doesn't have a steady everyday routin kills me. This past month her and I have really bonded. She still calls me Da da which is cute, granted she calls everything Da da or gog.
This whole feeling of worry for her started when Rocky came home and I was cleaning the kitchen and I hear her in her highchair say, "Da da" and she was looking to the door. I thought to myself, oh Benya must be home, but in fact it was Rocky. It upset me not because she called him the wrong name, but in fact the week she's away from Brian she gets used to being here, and the week she's with him she gets used to it being there.
It kills me. I cried myself asleep because of it when I came home. I kept thinking she's there without me. We sleep in the same bed because I miss her when she's sleeping. She takes great naps don't get me wrong, but I hate every minute of them.
Rocky has really grown attached to her and I love it. A few days ago he came in from work around 1 she was about to wake up from her nap, and the dog barking woke her..He went up the stairs passed right by me and went straight for her. She clung to him, and wouldn't even come to me!
I cooked us dinner the other day. He had to work until 3 and was home by 4, went and got some hamburger and I fixed us a great candle lit dinner. I've really gotten good at getting the timing right for the food. I sat out drinks, fixed Brenna's plate and set the table all in one breath it seemed. It felt so right to have them both sitting there. To hear Brenna laugh while she played/ate her food. I gave her half of an icecream bar after dinner and we laughed so hard. She loved it!
Yesterday I didn't get to see Brenna long, but what I did was wonderful. I went back to work because Rocky wanted to say good bye to Brenna, but he was on break..and had come home to see her. I went home after it was all over and had the sweetest note.
To my widdle widdle (inside joke)
Baby,
I came back to see ya but I guess you and fred went out. (nasty guy everyone at work has pinned me with) ((another inside joke)) There is some pizza on the kitchen table and I put money under the clock on the fireplace. Take 200 out for my mom and whatever is left put up to save. (I've started to save!!)) Benya and I went to look at apartments today and they were not in. We'll have to go back if you want. (I might be moving out soon..and no not with him.)) Well be careful, tell Fred hey for me and..I love you.
Papa Bear
That is the most normal note he's left me. but they mean so much to me. Yesterday I got up for work and found a trail of notes leading to my car telling me he loved me and to have a great day at work. I guess thats childish to be so giddy about them, but I've not been written notes like that. I've never really had anyone to do little things like that for me. My past relationships matter so little now that I can't even remember our dates. Hell I can't even remember their birthdays. This relationship so far has been the best one I've ever been in because I wasn't pineing over someone else. I gave myself time to heal and time to live. I don't play little mind games, and my mother even said I was treating him like I've NEVER treated a guy. After what I was put through with the past, I deserve the best, but most of all he deserves the best of me. He's really opened my eyes to a lot of things.
He's in school again so the little break is over but it was very much enjoyed. The weeks we have Brenna we do nothing but sit and play with her. I have great pics to post of that as soon as I get a chance.
So yeah things in the Brittany world are ok for now. I miss Brenna and am so depressed when she's not around but it will get easier with time.
I'm off to shower and check on Brenna for the second time today.
Love ya!
Oh and my quote of the year guys is either.
(Halloween night),
"Oh look the two face, riddler, some guy, and a green blimp." ~Some guy at Steven Lynch
(buskirk)
"I've got designs for your interior..lets decorate..baby"~ Empa
or
(Christmas Eve)
"You are sick, and I'm a Dr. I should know, I got my PHD in Africa where I helped cure aids for two years..you know 12 gauges(spelling?) work really great on 12 year olds." ~Rocky
I have really gotten to where I don't let things bother me. I may read or hear someone say something (especially at work) bad and I just blow it off. I got into a fight with a guy at work the other day and he was saying how he doesn't like me and my words back where.
::laughter:: and you think I care? I used to have a guy tell me he was in the Scottish Mafia, and that he had a degree in *whatever whatever* say worse things to me, do you really think your opinion matters? I, unlike you, can brush this shit off and get on with my job.
He just walked on.
I have never cried so hard while letting Brenna go like I did yesterday. I was crying as I handed her off. I cried like a baby when I got in the car. The thought of what this is doing to her. How she doesn't have a steady everyday routin kills me. This past month her and I have really bonded. She still calls me Da da which is cute, granted she calls everything Da da or gog.
This whole feeling of worry for her started when Rocky came home and I was cleaning the kitchen and I hear her in her highchair say, "Da da" and she was looking to the door. I thought to myself, oh Benya must be home, but in fact it was Rocky. It upset me not because she called him the wrong name, but in fact the week she's away from Brian she gets used to being here, and the week she's with him she gets used to it being there.
It kills me. I cried myself asleep because of it when I came home. I kept thinking she's there without me. We sleep in the same bed because I miss her when she's sleeping. She takes great naps don't get me wrong, but I hate every minute of them.
Rocky has really grown attached to her and I love it. A few days ago he came in from work around 1 she was about to wake up from her nap, and the dog barking woke her..He went up the stairs passed right by me and went straight for her. She clung to him, and wouldn't even come to me!
I cooked us dinner the other day. He had to work until 3 and was home by 4, went and got some hamburger and I fixed us a great candle lit dinner. I've really gotten good at getting the timing right for the food. I sat out drinks, fixed Brenna's plate and set the table all in one breath it seemed. It felt so right to have them both sitting there. To hear Brenna laugh while she played/ate her food. I gave her half of an icecream bar after dinner and we laughed so hard. She loved it!
Yesterday I didn't get to see Brenna long, but what I did was wonderful. I went back to work because Rocky wanted to say good bye to Brenna, but he was on break..and had come home to see her. I went home after it was all over and had the sweetest note.
To my widdle widdle (inside joke)
Baby,
I came back to see ya but I guess you and fred went out. (nasty guy everyone at work has pinned me with) ((another inside joke)) There is some pizza on the kitchen table and I put money under the clock on the fireplace. Take 200 out for my mom and whatever is left put up to save. (I've started to save!!)) Benya and I went to look at apartments today and they were not in. We'll have to go back if you want. (I might be moving out soon..and no not with him.)) Well be careful, tell Fred hey for me and..I love you.
Papa Bear
That is the most normal note he's left me. but they mean so much to me. Yesterday I got up for work and found a trail of notes leading to my car telling me he loved me and to have a great day at work. I guess thats childish to be so giddy about them, but I've not been written notes like that. I've never really had anyone to do little things like that for me. My past relationships matter so little now that I can't even remember our dates. Hell I can't even remember their birthdays. This relationship so far has been the best one I've ever been in because I wasn't pineing over someone else. I gave myself time to heal and time to live. I don't play little mind games, and my mother even said I was treating him like I've NEVER treated a guy. After what I was put through with the past, I deserve the best, but most of all he deserves the best of me. He's really opened my eyes to a lot of things.
He's in school again so the little break is over but it was very much enjoyed. The weeks we have Brenna we do nothing but sit and play with her. I have great pics to post of that as soon as I get a chance.
So yeah things in the Brittany world are ok for now. I miss Brenna and am so depressed when she's not around but it will get easier with time.
I'm off to shower and check on Brenna for the second time today.
Love ya!
Oh and my quote of the year guys is either.
(Halloween night),
"Oh look the two face, riddler, some guy, and a green blimp." ~Some guy at Steven Lynch
(buskirk)
"I've got designs for your interior..lets decorate..baby"~ Empa
or
(Christmas Eve)
"You are sick, and I'm a Dr. I should know, I got my PHD in Africa where I helped cure aids for two years..you know 12 gauges(spelling?) work really great on 12 year olds." ~Rocky
I have really gotten to where I don't let things bother me. I may read or hear someone say something (especially at work) bad and I just blow it off. I got into a fight with a guy at work the other day and he was saying how he doesn't like me and my words back where.
::laughter:: and you think I care? I used to have a guy tell me he was in the Scottish Mafia, and that he had a degree in *whatever whatever* say worse things to me, do you really think your opinion matters? I, unlike you, can brush this shit off and get on with my job.
He just walked on.