"These Wounds They Will Not Heal"
Today is Shaun’s birthday. He was actually worried that I had forgotten his birthday. I would never forget something like that. I wish I could’ve gotten him something, if anything a card, but I’m so broke. It really sux. Well I talked to my family this morning about him coming over for my birthday. They finally agreed to it. So much weight has been lifted off of me. I no longer harbor extreme resentment.
Last night on the way home, my grandmother had piano romance ballads playing on the car stereo and it was raining. I felt so depressed. We passed my ex best friend’s housing development as we usually do on the way home from class. So many memories started to flood my mind. We passed Friendly’s, where we went out to breakfast together one morning and later passed Chili’s where we went on our first date and also ate dinner with my family after my high school graduation. I remember all the fun we had, constantly laughing and talking. I remembered Prom night where we danced and I felt like a princess and how we kissed at the end of the last song. I tried to force myself to hold back tears but failed. Tears began to spill down my cheeks and my heart began to ache. I really miss him. I don’t like the person he’s become and how we’ve grown so far apart within months of me being away at college. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I never went away to college. But I believe things happen for certain reasons, and I accept that we weren’t meant to be. All the overwhelming thoughts made me miss Shaun too and wish we could spend every day together in person like how I did with Zach. Hence my mood being crushed for the past weeks of thinking I wouldn’t get to see him again. I’ve been so depressed that I’ve stopped taking some of my meds. I just miss and love Shaun so much, I don’t want to lose him. I really don’t think I would be able to survive the loss. I want so much to spend the rest of my life with him.
Last night on the way home, my grandmother had piano romance ballads playing on the car stereo and it was raining. I felt so depressed. We passed my ex best friend’s housing development as we usually do on the way home from class. So many memories started to flood my mind. We passed Friendly’s, where we went out to breakfast together one morning and later passed Chili’s where we went on our first date and also ate dinner with my family after my high school graduation. I remember all the fun we had, constantly laughing and talking. I remembered Prom night where we danced and I felt like a princess and how we kissed at the end of the last song. I tried to force myself to hold back tears but failed. Tears began to spill down my cheeks and my heart began to ache. I really miss him. I don’t like the person he’s become and how we’ve grown so far apart within months of me being away at college. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I never went away to college. But I believe things happen for certain reasons, and I accept that we weren’t meant to be. All the overwhelming thoughts made me miss Shaun too and wish we could spend every day together in person like how I did with Zach. Hence my mood being crushed for the past weeks of thinking I wouldn’t get to see him again. I’ve been so depressed that I’ve stopped taking some of my meds. I just miss and love Shaun so much, I don’t want to lose him. I really don’t think I would be able to survive the loss. I want so much to spend the rest of my life with him.