(no subject)
It was a good day Thursday...
Star felt well enough to go to a movie! And our son Lionheart closed on his house this week, our unit is vacant now, and we have keys and everything!
The movie was great (we went to see "Up"), and she was even able to stay awake through the whole thing. At one point I asked if she had any pain, so I could help with a quick med if needed, and she whispered "I can't believe it, but I actually feel good."
LH had come by earlier to help me with packing and to visit with his mom, and in general to just spend a whole day with us. We really did enjoy it, and we worked hard while staying relaxed. And after about about six or seven hours of that, we decided a break and outing was in order.
She is so tough and strong... We had to help her a lot, and used a wheelchair to get her inside, but she did it! I hate to see her hurt ever, at all, but seeing her bravely choke back the discomfort of moving- focusing on our being together, even the sunset... while wiping away the tear or drying it on the wind... well, heck I have always known her strength, but when she needs it most, she somehow pulls it from her knapsack of life experience.
Lionheart has been so helpful in this crisis that there's really just no way to even try to explain it... I never thought I'd meet another man as great and kind as my father, but at such a young age, I have that level of respect for him. He's one in a million, and just being around him gives us a strong feeling of things being okay.
So next week, another round of scans, and the week after that, detailed info on what they see.
Star has made a tentative decision to request no further chemotherapy or other physically uncomfortable therapies. This last round of chemo was pretty rough on her, and she thinks her body has had all the chems it can endure. But no final decision, and I think it might be best to await the scans/results next week before deciding.
Meanwhile, local bikers held a poker run to raise money for Hospice... "fuckin' awesome" is all I can say to that...
A week or few ago, the mental pain had me to the point that I hoped I'd just flop over and literally die of the hurt. I would never end my own life (at least not when physically healthy)... that's a cruel and barbaric thing to do to one's family and I just don't have it in me to do something like that, it's just not in me to do something so mean. But I really felt that sad.
One week later, I'm sure I'll survive this, and I'm sure I'll be glad I did. I'm sure I'll have to take some time and heal. I'm sure I'll heal up, and I'm sure I'll be able to find a way to "pay back to humanity" some of the kindness that's been keeping me going.
Our daughter has helped in her own ways, and has been over to help pack as well. I want to say very clearly that we don't love or prefer one of our kids over the other. They just have different ways of coping (and we want them to get through this unharmed) and different ways of focusing their love and energy. As Star remembers so fondly, her daughter spent so many hours holding her hand through migraines, reading Harry Potter books in candlelight...a million other tings... anyways, they both have their magic, and ways of sharing it, but they're just different magic kits, I guess!
I must get back to packing now...
Star felt well enough to go to a movie! And our son Lionheart closed on his house this week, our unit is vacant now, and we have keys and everything!
The movie was great (we went to see "Up"), and she was even able to stay awake through the whole thing. At one point I asked if she had any pain, so I could help with a quick med if needed, and she whispered "I can't believe it, but I actually feel good."
LH had come by earlier to help me with packing and to visit with his mom, and in general to just spend a whole day with us. We really did enjoy it, and we worked hard while staying relaxed. And after about about six or seven hours of that, we decided a break and outing was in order.
She is so tough and strong... We had to help her a lot, and used a wheelchair to get her inside, but she did it! I hate to see her hurt ever, at all, but seeing her bravely choke back the discomfort of moving- focusing on our being together, even the sunset... while wiping away the tear or drying it on the wind... well, heck I have always known her strength, but when she needs it most, she somehow pulls it from her knapsack of life experience.
Lionheart has been so helpful in this crisis that there's really just no way to even try to explain it... I never thought I'd meet another man as great and kind as my father, but at such a young age, I have that level of respect for him. He's one in a million, and just being around him gives us a strong feeling of things being okay.
So next week, another round of scans, and the week after that, detailed info on what they see.
Star has made a tentative decision to request no further chemotherapy or other physically uncomfortable therapies. This last round of chemo was pretty rough on her, and she thinks her body has had all the chems it can endure. But no final decision, and I think it might be best to await the scans/results next week before deciding.
Meanwhile, local bikers held a poker run to raise money for Hospice... "fuckin' awesome" is all I can say to that...
A week or few ago, the mental pain had me to the point that I hoped I'd just flop over and literally die of the hurt. I would never end my own life (at least not when physically healthy)... that's a cruel and barbaric thing to do to one's family and I just don't have it in me to do something like that, it's just not in me to do something so mean. But I really felt that sad.
One week later, I'm sure I'll survive this, and I'm sure I'll be glad I did. I'm sure I'll have to take some time and heal. I'm sure I'll heal up, and I'm sure I'll be able to find a way to "pay back to humanity" some of the kindness that's been keeping me going.
Our daughter has helped in her own ways, and has been over to help pack as well. I want to say very clearly that we don't love or prefer one of our kids over the other. They just have different ways of coping (and we want them to get through this unharmed) and different ways of focusing their love and energy. As Star remembers so fondly, her daughter spent so many hours holding her hand through migraines, reading Harry Potter books in candlelight...a million other tings... anyways, they both have their magic, and ways of sharing it, but they're just different magic kits, I guess!
I must get back to packing now...