The Dark Knight Rises, or: This Is What Liberalism Gets You, Hippies
Here is my two-line, spoiler-free synopsis of The Dark Knight Rises:
The 1%'s nightmarish vision of what would have happened if the Occupy Wall Street movement had succeeded. Big Daddy Batman must save them all.
My slightly more-in depth synopsis:
Okay. So here's the movie I saw:
So there's a foreign terrorist that inspires people to martyr themselves for his badly-explained vision of something or other, and a secret villainess with EPIC daddy issues who is masquerading as a green power advocate. They conspire to turn Gotham into some kind of totalitarian regime that's is billed as an anarchist dystopia. (Their first act is to free all prisoners, who are all actually violent savages and instantly join them.)
They achieve this through some dubious plotting, some great special effects, and amazing cinematography. Also, there's Catwoman, who is annoyingly sassy until she's wonderfully vulnerable. She's apparently poor, despite having Audrey Hepburn's wardrobe and an apartment with eighteen-foot tall ceilings. She also has a shady past which is hinted at but never explained. Her superpower is being able to fight in four inch stiletto heels.
We also have Batman, who gets his ass whooped in a really interestingly choreographed fight scene, where it's obvious that he's doomed from the start, but he's the only person who doesn't know. He gets taken to a prison somewhere, we don't know where. Maybe it's a secret CIA prison in Israel or something?
There is some Comic Book Medicine in here, which, JESUS, just don't think about it. Punching someone in the back and then tying them to the ceiling is not actually a good way to fix a broken spine.
Back in Gotham, a weapons manufacturer has to team up with the cops to try and wrest control away from the dirty anarchists/terrorists in the keffiyehs.
(I wish I were joking.)
Somehow, Batman magically gets transported back from Israel or whatever to Gotham. Then there's another long series of action sequences. Bane's death is disappointingly quick, while Thalia's is awkward and drawn out. They should secede and get their own movie franchise, so Thalia can get some motivation beyond the overused DADDY ISSUES card, and Bane can get an actual, you know, story. I'd watch it.
Basically, this story has the most horrifying politics I've seen in a long time. The story isn't quite good enough to cover that up. And Alfred is criminally underused. He really should get his own movie.
Also, at one point, Batman was shouting something at Bane, and it was two people screaming inarticulately at each other, and I totally lost it. Couldn't stop giggling for five minutes.
The 1%'s nightmarish vision of what would have happened if the Occupy Wall Street movement had succeeded. Big Daddy Batman must save them all.
My slightly more-in depth synopsis:
Okay. So here's the movie I saw:
So there's a foreign terrorist that inspires people to martyr themselves for his badly-explained vision of something or other, and a secret villainess with EPIC daddy issues who is masquerading as a green power advocate. They conspire to turn Gotham into some kind of totalitarian regime that's is billed as an anarchist dystopia. (Their first act is to free all prisoners, who are all actually violent savages and instantly join them.)
They achieve this through some dubious plotting, some great special effects, and amazing cinematography. Also, there's Catwoman, who is annoyingly sassy until she's wonderfully vulnerable. She's apparently poor, despite having Audrey Hepburn's wardrobe and an apartment with eighteen-foot tall ceilings. She also has a shady past which is hinted at but never explained. Her superpower is being able to fight in four inch stiletto heels.
We also have Batman, who gets his ass whooped in a really interestingly choreographed fight scene, where it's obvious that he's doomed from the start, but he's the only person who doesn't know. He gets taken to a prison somewhere, we don't know where. Maybe it's a secret CIA prison in Israel or something?
There is some Comic Book Medicine in here, which, JESUS, just don't think about it. Punching someone in the back and then tying them to the ceiling is not actually a good way to fix a broken spine.
Back in Gotham, a weapons manufacturer has to team up with the cops to try and wrest control away from the dirty anarchists/terrorists in the keffiyehs.
(I wish I were joking.)
Somehow, Batman magically gets transported back from Israel or whatever to Gotham. Then there's another long series of action sequences. Bane's death is disappointingly quick, while Thalia's is awkward and drawn out. They should secede and get their own movie franchise, so Thalia can get some motivation beyond the overused DADDY ISSUES card, and Bane can get an actual, you know, story. I'd watch it.
Basically, this story has the most horrifying politics I've seen in a long time. The story isn't quite good enough to cover that up. And Alfred is criminally underused. He really should get his own movie.
Also, at one point, Batman was shouting something at Bane, and it was two people screaming inarticulately at each other, and I totally lost it. Couldn't stop giggling for five minutes.