just to reiterate
I am really not fucking ready at all.
The gushing part is so fun
and man
I am just soaking up talking to him
but I'm still so mixed up.
I can't lie to myself about being ready.
I can't rush being ready the way I did with him.
I wanted to be ready so badly
I wanted him so badly
(admittedly more than i have ever wanted anyone...
...still...let's be honest here...)
That I didn't wait.
That I didn't do it right at all.
In the beginning or in the end.
So this time.
This time things have to be different.
This music is perfect, and I miss the way Nic's lips feel.
And every day, I miss him less.
I am allowing myself to miss him less and less.
When Nic said to me
that he hoped he would be the lucky one
that he hoped fuckface wouldn't come back
(trying not to type out his name cause it just fucking bugs me to hear it or see it)
but that what he really hoped for
was whatever would make me happy
I almost cried.
I'm thinking about it now and I'm kinda misty.
Maggie and I are taking about GNO
and the day after
when I went to the beach
that day.
I have to go back there.
I am almost ready to really go back there.
I'm gonna go in the middle of the night with Bran.
Just cause I need someone watching my back.
And I'm going to walk off alone
With a candle
And I am going to really lay him to rest.
I might take off this ring.
I still hear fuckface's words about the next time.
I'm so not ready.
But I'll be DAMNED if I am going to let myself cry over him right now.
It's been too long since I've cried, and I haven't had a dream in like over a week. Not one.
I'm expecting a phone call anyway.
From the man I am taking it slow with
and fucking loving getting to know.
He was SO cute geeking out over the dinosaurs at the museum
I wanted to eat him up
but I settled for just kissing him like crazy.
Hahah oh man I am still so mixed up about everything.
But I'll get there.
The gushing part is so fun
and man
I am just soaking up talking to him
but I'm still so mixed up.
I can't lie to myself about being ready.
I can't rush being ready the way I did with him.
I wanted to be ready so badly
I wanted him so badly
(admittedly more than i have ever wanted anyone...
...still...let's be honest here...)
That I didn't wait.
That I didn't do it right at all.
In the beginning or in the end.
So this time.
This time things have to be different.
This music is perfect, and I miss the way Nic's lips feel.
And every day, I miss him less.
I am allowing myself to miss him less and less.
When Nic said to me
that he hoped he would be the lucky one
that he hoped fuckface wouldn't come back
(trying not to type out his name cause it just fucking bugs me to hear it or see it)
but that what he really hoped for
was whatever would make me happy
I almost cried.
I'm thinking about it now and I'm kinda misty.
Maggie and I are taking about GNO
and the day after
when I went to the beach
that day.
I have to go back there.
I am almost ready to really go back there.
I'm gonna go in the middle of the night with Bran.
Just cause I need someone watching my back.
And I'm going to walk off alone
With a candle
And I am going to really lay him to rest.
I might take off this ring.
I still hear fuckface's words about the next time.
I'm so not ready.
But I'll be DAMNED if I am going to let myself cry over him right now.
It's been too long since I've cried, and I haven't had a dream in like over a week. Not one.
I'm expecting a phone call anyway.
From the man I am taking it slow with
and fucking loving getting to know.
He was SO cute geeking out over the dinosaurs at the museum
I wanted to eat him up
but I settled for just kissing him like crazy.
Hahah oh man I am still so mixed up about everything.
But I'll get there.