(no subject)
I feel conflicted.
I don't want to be a Stephanie and I don't want to have a James. I don't want to be a Katie and I don't think I'd want an Owen. I definitely wouldn't want to be a Sally, although that's what I see and how I feel. I want to be a Natasha. I want us to be Natasha and Martin. But do I want a Michael? Martin is safe but Michael is...for some reason always there. If only it wasn't for Pia.
It doesn't make sense.
I don't want to be any of these people but there's parts of each that I like and that I want. I love Katie's independence and style. I love Stephanie's lifestyle and personality - she's the leading lady and I want to be too. I should be the leading lady of my own life for fuck sake. Natasha is always right and I like that and usually I am that. Intuitive and not trusting - distant distant distant - always. But she has Martin, who's sensible and loving and intelligent and wouldn't dream of doing anything like James did. But there's something about a Michael. Something endearing but not quite...right. Attractive but you think, there's just something...something there or not there...something you'd have with a Martin. But Michael is always there and he won't go away unless you choose to cut him out - and do you? Is that what you want? Would a Natasha want a Michael or was Natasha just destined to see Michael half naked with Stephanie and leave it at that?
Who know's really...
I don't want to be a Stephanie and I don't want to have a James. I don't want to be a Katie and I don't think I'd want an Owen. I definitely wouldn't want to be a Sally, although that's what I see and how I feel. I want to be a Natasha. I want us to be Natasha and Martin. But do I want a Michael? Martin is safe but Michael is...for some reason always there. If only it wasn't for Pia.
It doesn't make sense.
I don't want to be any of these people but there's parts of each that I like and that I want. I love Katie's independence and style. I love Stephanie's lifestyle and personality - she's the leading lady and I want to be too. I should be the leading lady of my own life for fuck sake. Natasha is always right and I like that and usually I am that. Intuitive and not trusting - distant distant distant - always. But she has Martin, who's sensible and loving and intelligent and wouldn't dream of doing anything like James did. But there's something about a Michael. Something endearing but not quite...right. Attractive but you think, there's just something...something there or not there...something you'd have with a Martin. But Michael is always there and he won't go away unless you choose to cut him out - and do you? Is that what you want? Would a Natasha want a Michael or was Natasha just destined to see Michael half naked with Stephanie and leave it at that?
Who know's really...