Feeling self-conscious
I sent some photos to my parents a few weeks ago, and my mom could not stop talking about how huge I've gotten. She even told me that she showed it to other people, and that they all said things like, "When is she due again?" and "Are they sure it's only one baby in there?"
Over the weekend, I agreed to sit down with Evan to Skype with them, and it was the same damn thing. Tons of comments on how big I am. On how much bigger I am this pregnancy than my first. And my mom asking if the doctor thinks I might deliver early since I'm so gigantic.
Combine that with comments I've been getting from perfect strangers in public (a guy at Target noting how big my tummy is to his girlfriend as they passed by, another mom at the park asking me if I'm due "any day now", etc.) and I am feeling very self-conscious tonight. To the point where I don't even want to go out in public anymore.
I don't FEEL that huge. But I did get out some photos from last time, and I'm about as big now as I was right before I delivered Evan. Plus, I've gained more weight. And I'm still 5 weeks shy of my due date.
I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm nervous about it now. Worried that I'll measure big and that it will begin a whole cascade of tests and interventions.
I don't know that my mom understands just how much pressure is on me as a GD mom to NOT have a big baby.
Or, for that matter, how much the big bump talk hurts my feelings.
I think I'm going to keep to myself for the rest of the pregnancy. She's not going to get any more pictures of me or any more video chats with me until baby gets here. Because every time she sees me, all I get is critical comments that make me feel like shit. I know I'm a whale right now. I don't need people pointing it out.
Over the weekend, I agreed to sit down with Evan to Skype with them, and it was the same damn thing. Tons of comments on how big I am. On how much bigger I am this pregnancy than my first. And my mom asking if the doctor thinks I might deliver early since I'm so gigantic.
Combine that with comments I've been getting from perfect strangers in public (a guy at Target noting how big my tummy is to his girlfriend as they passed by, another mom at the park asking me if I'm due "any day now", etc.) and I am feeling very self-conscious tonight. To the point where I don't even want to go out in public anymore.
I don't FEEL that huge. But I did get out some photos from last time, and I'm about as big now as I was right before I delivered Evan. Plus, I've gained more weight. And I'm still 5 weeks shy of my due date.
I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I'm nervous about it now. Worried that I'll measure big and that it will begin a whole cascade of tests and interventions.
I don't know that my mom understands just how much pressure is on me as a GD mom to NOT have a big baby.
Or, for that matter, how much the big bump talk hurts my feelings.
I think I'm going to keep to myself for the rest of the pregnancy. She's not going to get any more pictures of me or any more video chats with me until baby gets here. Because every time she sees me, all I get is critical comments that make me feel like shit. I know I'm a whale right now. I don't need people pointing it out.