State of Confusion
Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, you can't seem to make yourself completely happy? I feel like i used to be happy all the time. I just loved life and everything that came with it. And now, i feel like i can't find that feeling again. No matter what i think is causing the problem, and how many things i try and change,or how determined i am that i will be happy, i'm just not. Not to say that i'm depressed, but i feel like i don't quite belong where i am. But i dont know anywhere else i would rather be. I guess that i just have to give things time to settle, and wait for my life to find it's place. I just hate the waiting, and the not knowing where things are going, and not knowing how i am supposed to handle certain situations. I know what i want to do, in a particular moment, but is that what i am supposed to do? Will I regret it later? Am i not giving time a chance to do it's job? I wish i knew the answers. Even if it wasnt the answer i wanted to hear, at least i would know, and i could take it from there. Figure out how i was going to deal with it all. I am just sick and tired with being miserable one moment and angry the next and sad and crying and happy and laughing and missing things but scared of things. I'm scared of being unhappy again. I'm scared of feeling stuck. But I want the company. And I want a hug. And i just want to laugh. Like hysterical laughing where you can't even stop and then you don't even remember why you started laughing in the first place. And the hugs that i get are great, but they're not the same. I just want to feel safe and loved and comfortable and just happy. I feel like i shouldnt be complaining... i have a great apartment, a great job doing exactly what i want to be doing, wonderful parents and amazing friends. I just feel like something is still missing...