Perfection. Is it possible?
Am I asking too much?
I feel that maybe I ask for too much. Am I too demanding?
During this time of major stress and upheaval I have gained a lot from my friends and family. However when I ask this of Lew I feel that I am asking too much of him.
When in pain I tend to be very short tempered and ratty and therefore the simplest things annoy me immensly. To be fair Lew has dealt with my bad behavior extremely well under the circumstances but I am far from happy with the current situation.These are the things I need from a partner; am I being unrealistic?
Strength
Sometimes its good to be told when you are acting unreasonably. Someone who can leep you grounded during the hard times. Giving you a quick slap when you take things too seriously. Someone who tells you that anything is possible. Pushing you to try harder and do your best. Giving you the strength to achieve the best you can.
Humour
Someone who can make me laugh. Laughter is the best healing power in the world, a smile can ease a thousand pains. When feeling down and blue I don't want to be worried about, I need cheering up. Distraction is a great therapy when you are constantly focused on a negative event. I need someone to make me smile through my tears, a ray of sunshine to break through the darkness.
Sincerity and Honesty
Someone who will be honest with me, even when its not positive. Telling me of my strengths and my weaknesses regardless of any come back. Not agreeing with me to save hassle. A person who values honesty as a basis to work on, a starting point to a relationship and the foundations of true trust. Without this a relationship cannot work.
Being There
Most of all I need someone who will be there for me day or night. If a crisis happens, to know that they would be by my side no matter what it takes. Being the priority in their life if I am in pain, listening to me when I need to cry or shout. Most of all being there to hold me in my darkest hours, when the pain takes over and the memories return. Knowing I am safe in their arms and that they will always be there for me.
I feel that the above is a massive thing to ask. Yet on reflection my friends offer all of the above freely and seemingly effortlessly. Should I accept less from a partner than I do from my friends?
I'm going to sign off now, in a confused and contemplative state of mind. Pondering over my dilema with an empty heart.
I needed him by my side today and he was not there, I needed comforting arms to hold me close and make me feel better. I found myself alone and in the darkness. A phone call dragged me back to the surface of my misery. It was not him but a friend. Can I forgive him for not being there when I needed him the most?
Angie x x