sometimes some things are better left alone...
I didn't go to school today. My mom actually came in my room this morning, while I was just laying in bed starting at the ceiling trying to find a reason to get up, and she said, "Are you going today?" I just shook my head yes. Then she said, "Well don't go if you are just going to miss all your classes anyway." Then she left so I turned over on my side and tried to sleep. She called my psychiatrist today to finally get counseling. I don't know how much it will help, considering I feel like there isn't any hope anymore, but I guess I will give it a try.
I got my period last night and now it is soooo heavy and I have the worst cramps. I feel so lonely and angry at everything. I hate Matt and yet I love him... He doesn't even make a fucking effort to try to talk to me. I'm pretty much dying mentally and yet he doesn't give a shit. If I died I bet he wouldn't even know or care. God, why does he do this to me?! Why do I feel this way?! I wish there was some way I could end it. Just end it all...
Well today after school we were supposed to have band practice cuz Greg FINALLY doesn't have to work, but it doesn't look like that will be happening anymore. My mom won't let me go because she will say that since I missed school I can't go anywhere else. I'm not really in the mood to play bass anyway right now. I just kind of want to lay around and not do anything. I wish I were dead...
I just don't know anymore. There is no point in life. I'm sick of waking up every day and putting on a fake smile and pretending like I'm okay. No one understands how low I feel. Really, you don't.
Oh and I can't wait for Thanksgiving break. It's going to be soooo great without my Aunt there :( ... Everyone will be crying so hard...It will a disaster... and Thanksgiving will also be 6 months since she's died... I can't believe it was that long ago... I miss her so much. I wish she was here now...
My family is falling apart.
But then again everything falls apart eventually. Everything.
-Melanie
I got my period last night and now it is soooo heavy and I have the worst cramps. I feel so lonely and angry at everything. I hate Matt and yet I love him... He doesn't even make a fucking effort to try to talk to me. I'm pretty much dying mentally and yet he doesn't give a shit. If I died I bet he wouldn't even know or care. God, why does he do this to me?! Why do I feel this way?! I wish there was some way I could end it. Just end it all...
Well today after school we were supposed to have band practice cuz Greg FINALLY doesn't have to work, but it doesn't look like that will be happening anymore. My mom won't let me go because she will say that since I missed school I can't go anywhere else. I'm not really in the mood to play bass anyway right now. I just kind of want to lay around and not do anything. I wish I were dead...
I just don't know anymore. There is no point in life. I'm sick of waking up every day and putting on a fake smile and pretending like I'm okay. No one understands how low I feel. Really, you don't.
Oh and I can't wait for Thanksgiving break. It's going to be soooo great without my Aunt there :( ... Everyone will be crying so hard...It will a disaster... and Thanksgiving will also be 6 months since she's died... I can't believe it was that long ago... I miss her so much. I wish she was here now...
My family is falling apart.
But then again everything falls apart eventually. Everything.
-Melanie