Wow
So I've realized why I hate updating my journal. Because if you don't do it everyday then you just have WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much to say next time you do it. So I put it off,and put it off,and then when I realize I should do it I don't really want to update. So I think that this time I won't, and people will just have to accept that. I'm just gonna talk the way I should in a journal...oman, this is already getting dumb...so I love Jason. And I'm going to marry him. And I needed Nathan to come back into my life just so I could realize how not-at-all-what-I-need he is, and to realize that Jason has every character quality and then some that I've wanted in my husband. I have this list, that I always used to measure guys up. Like there's a love for Jesus, and chivalry, and compassion, and safety..and blah blah blah. You know. Stuff that I will need from my spouse. And Nate could never measure up, and I never knew that. Because I had never seen anything better (or so I thought), because I had been blinded by "puppy love". And I always talked about how I would never find with anyone else what I had with Nate, but duh. Of course not. It wasn't love. It was excitment, and newness, and nice to have somebody freely care for me. I didn't truly love Nathan until it was all over, and I had realized what love really was. And it DEFINETELY wasn't what we had for each other. So after he called and I had broken things off with Jason I pulled out my list again, and I realized that I had just thrown out the only person I've ever met that IS every one of those qualities. Not hopefully someday, or was, or says he will be, but IS. And then I just knew. Everyone says when you meet the right person you KNOW, well, for me it could never happen in the beginning, because deep down I'm too skeptical, and wouldn't allow it. But with Jason, God took the time only He knew it would take, and He showed me when the time was right. So I've told Jason that I want to be his wife, and I told Nathan that we would always be really great friends, but that it wasn't going to be any more than that. He didn't take is as well, we haven't talked since I told him and that was almost two weeks ago. But eventually he'll be okay with it. But I've realized that people always say that when you're with the one you're supposed to be with that you won't ever see other people of the opposite sex walk by again. And that's bull crap. You'll see again, but choosing to be with one person means that you CHOOSE not to look again. It's a choice. Love IS NOT a feeling, it's a verb. I never got that when I was younger, but it makes perfect sense now. Well, that's about good enough for now, so ttyl!