sometimes the truth hurts
detached and worthless. or at least those are the first two words that come to mind.
out of control, so out of control. that's not good at all. that means i've got to find a way to get back in control. i know i can do it myself. or at least i hope i can. i didn't realize it was this big of a problem, i mean how could i know since i couldn't even feel the effects?
and i feel like i just died on the inside. and i'm not really sure how i didn't die altogether.
i don't really feel like talking to anyone for a long time. i feel like disappearing. i don't really feel like being in this world right now. i can't feel anything, everything's so numb. and this time it's not from the alcohol. it's because of my life.
i feel alone, or at least i'm making myself feel alone. maybe i feel undeserving, or maybe i just feel sick. emotionally sick.
what's really tough for me is how it seems the phases of my life are always this all or nothing kind of thing. i've either got to be fully OCD and anxious and depressed or completely happy and let go and let nothing bother me, let everything just sort of wash over me. i've either got to be fully laid back or fully uptight, i can't find some sort of middle ground. so i try not to head down that obsessive road again because it about killed me on the inside. but i've got to get my life together, i've got to do something and right now that seems like the best option.
so i'm going to go to sleep and wake up and the world is just going to be a big fluffy cloud; i'll walk around and fall through and touch it and see it but in the end i won't really be a part of it.
because right now the best possible thing i can do is take care of myself. or at least not let anyone else do it for me.
out of control, so out of control. that's not good at all. that means i've got to find a way to get back in control. i know i can do it myself. or at least i hope i can. i didn't realize it was this big of a problem, i mean how could i know since i couldn't even feel the effects?
and i feel like i just died on the inside. and i'm not really sure how i didn't die altogether.
i don't really feel like talking to anyone for a long time. i feel like disappearing. i don't really feel like being in this world right now. i can't feel anything, everything's so numb. and this time it's not from the alcohol. it's because of my life.
i feel alone, or at least i'm making myself feel alone. maybe i feel undeserving, or maybe i just feel sick. emotionally sick.
what's really tough for me is how it seems the phases of my life are always this all or nothing kind of thing. i've either got to be fully OCD and anxious and depressed or completely happy and let go and let nothing bother me, let everything just sort of wash over me. i've either got to be fully laid back or fully uptight, i can't find some sort of middle ground. so i try not to head down that obsessive road again because it about killed me on the inside. but i've got to get my life together, i've got to do something and right now that seems like the best option.
so i'm going to go to sleep and wake up and the world is just going to be a big fluffy cloud; i'll walk around and fall through and touch it and see it but in the end i won't really be a part of it.
because right now the best possible thing i can do is take care of myself. or at least not let anyone else do it for me.