Den Mother
Title: Den Mother
Genre: Crack
Rating: G, I suppose.
Pairing: Pepper / A Hot Bath
Disclaimer: Don't own IM, not making money.
Note: I'm not very good at Banter. Inspired by the existance of blue toilet paper.
Like I said. Crack.
Pepper Potts liked order. She suspected that this was a side effect of working for Tony Stark, whom order tended to stay far far away from.
Actually, that wasn't quite true. Order lived at least two states away, had Email filters, and screened its calls.
It was Pepper's misfortune that she was one of the few people who Tony listened to. Indeed, who could keep him under control. Billionare geniuses with ADD were far from the easiest people to work with, let alone work for. Pepper somehow managed it. Somehow.
With a deep breath, she set down her duffel bag and placed her hands on her hips. In the middle of Tony Stark's living room was a pile of . . . stuff. In the middle of it was Tony Stark. Plastic bags from Wal-Mart were everywhere.
"Julie?" Pepper said quietly. Julie Madison was Pepper's assistant. Pepper had spent six months training Julie to be able to cover Pepper's duties for short periods of time. Julie had an accounting degree, posessed a near perfect memory for numbers and dates, and most importantly, was married. Tony Stark never, ever, hit on married women. Pepper had felt confident enough that she could leave on a three day trip home for a wedding without disaster striking.
"Y-yes, Miss Potts?"
"When you dropped me off at the airport, we went over the three very simple rules you're to follow." She crossed her arms. "What were they?"
"Just because Mr. Stark is the boss, doesn't mean he's right."
"Now, I beg to differ. I mean, what's the point of being the boss if I can't be right. I--" Pepper swiveled her head just enough to give Tony The Look. Tony's jaw snapped shut with an audible click.
Pepper returned her attention to Julie. "And the second?"
"Mr. Stark's social security number is 565-72-1434."
Pepper nodded. "And the third?"
Julie looked like she wanted to die. "Under no circumstances is Mr. Stark to be allowed to go to Target."
"One time," Tony protested and Pepper again gave him The Look. "Right. I'm not needed here, how about I just go--" Pepper raised one finger off her arm. "--over to the couch and sit down?" Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Or here. Here is good." He slumped his shoulders. A bra slipped from the pile of lingere at his shoulder and landed on his arm.
Pepper looked back at Julie. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"He wanted a screwdriver. He swore it would take two minutes."
Pepper mulled this over. "Tony?"
"I might have broken one."
"How could you break one? Your tools are dropforged titanium alloy--" She waved her hand. "Never mind. I don't want to know."
"On the plus side, Ms Potts," Jarvis broke in, "the house's new compact Arc Reactor is running perfectly. The basement sensors report no deviations from design specifications."
"Arc-- there's an arc reactor in the basement." She covered her eyes with her hand, which then slid down to cover her mouth as she looked up, eyes narrowed. "Since when do we have a basement?"
"As of yesterday," Jarvis replied.
"God help me," Pepper mumbled. "Julie, why do we have an Arc Reactor in the basement, and please, give me an answer that falls within the realm of sanity."
Julie gave a nervous giggle and looked at her helplessly. "Mr. Stark got fed up with the electric company and decided to live off the grid."
"Living off the grid is good for the enviroment," Tony protested.
"Tony, living off the grid refers to using power generated by sunlight, windpower and moving water." His eyes brightened. "No, Tony, you cannot install a windmill."
"Actually, I was thinking of solar power and--the look. Right."
Pepper inhaled deeply through her nostrils. Sometimes, she felt less like an executive assistant and more like a Den Mother. "Julie, I will see you in my office at Stark Industries at eight am tomorrow." Julie fled. "Jarvis, call Rhodey and tell him that Tony has installed an arc reactor in his basement and it's active. If it's not too much trouble, could he quietly see about removing it?"
"Of course, Ms Potts."
Now Pepper looked at Tony. "I am going to take a long hot bath. When I get out, I expect the Arc Reactor to be either offline or powering down, everything you bought at wal-mart back in the bags, and the house back on the grid."
He opened his mouth.
She raised an eyebrow.
He shut his mouth.
"Good." Pepper knew Tony. He had gone out and simply disconnected the wires from the house. She sincerely doubted that he'd ever contacted the power company.
Picking up her bag, she moved towards the stairs. One foot on the first step, she paused.
"Except for the screwdriver." Then she continued upstairs.
Genre: Crack
Rating: G, I suppose.
Pairing: Pepper / A Hot Bath
Disclaimer: Don't own IM, not making money.
Note: I'm not very good at Banter. Inspired by the existance of blue toilet paper.
Like I said. Crack.
Pepper Potts liked order. She suspected that this was a side effect of working for Tony Stark, whom order tended to stay far far away from.
Actually, that wasn't quite true. Order lived at least two states away, had Email filters, and screened its calls.
It was Pepper's misfortune that she was one of the few people who Tony listened to. Indeed, who could keep him under control. Billionare geniuses with ADD were far from the easiest people to work with, let alone work for. Pepper somehow managed it. Somehow.
With a deep breath, she set down her duffel bag and placed her hands on her hips. In the middle of Tony Stark's living room was a pile of . . . stuff. In the middle of it was Tony Stark. Plastic bags from Wal-Mart were everywhere.
"Julie?" Pepper said quietly. Julie Madison was Pepper's assistant. Pepper had spent six months training Julie to be able to cover Pepper's duties for short periods of time. Julie had an accounting degree, posessed a near perfect memory for numbers and dates, and most importantly, was married. Tony Stark never, ever, hit on married women. Pepper had felt confident enough that she could leave on a three day trip home for a wedding without disaster striking.
"Y-yes, Miss Potts?"
"When you dropped me off at the airport, we went over the three very simple rules you're to follow." She crossed her arms. "What were they?"
"Just because Mr. Stark is the boss, doesn't mean he's right."
"Now, I beg to differ. I mean, what's the point of being the boss if I can't be right. I--" Pepper swiveled her head just enough to give Tony The Look. Tony's jaw snapped shut with an audible click.
Pepper returned her attention to Julie. "And the second?"
"Mr. Stark's social security number is 565-72-1434."
Pepper nodded. "And the third?"
Julie looked like she wanted to die. "Under no circumstances is Mr. Stark to be allowed to go to Target."
"One time," Tony protested and Pepper again gave him The Look. "Right. I'm not needed here, how about I just go--" Pepper raised one finger off her arm. "--over to the couch and sit down?" Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Or here. Here is good." He slumped his shoulders. A bra slipped from the pile of lingere at his shoulder and landed on his arm.
Pepper looked back at Julie. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"He wanted a screwdriver. He swore it would take two minutes."
Pepper mulled this over. "Tony?"
"I might have broken one."
"How could you break one? Your tools are dropforged titanium alloy--" She waved her hand. "Never mind. I don't want to know."
"On the plus side, Ms Potts," Jarvis broke in, "the house's new compact Arc Reactor is running perfectly. The basement sensors report no deviations from design specifications."
"Arc-- there's an arc reactor in the basement." She covered her eyes with her hand, which then slid down to cover her mouth as she looked up, eyes narrowed. "Since when do we have a basement?"
"As of yesterday," Jarvis replied.
"God help me," Pepper mumbled. "Julie, why do we have an Arc Reactor in the basement, and please, give me an answer that falls within the realm of sanity."
Julie gave a nervous giggle and looked at her helplessly. "Mr. Stark got fed up with the electric company and decided to live off the grid."
"Living off the grid is good for the enviroment," Tony protested.
"Tony, living off the grid refers to using power generated by sunlight, windpower and moving water." His eyes brightened. "No, Tony, you cannot install a windmill."
"Actually, I was thinking of solar power and--the look. Right."
Pepper inhaled deeply through her nostrils. Sometimes, she felt less like an executive assistant and more like a Den Mother. "Julie, I will see you in my office at Stark Industries at eight am tomorrow." Julie fled. "Jarvis, call Rhodey and tell him that Tony has installed an arc reactor in his basement and it's active. If it's not too much trouble, could he quietly see about removing it?"
"Of course, Ms Potts."
Now Pepper looked at Tony. "I am going to take a long hot bath. When I get out, I expect the Arc Reactor to be either offline or powering down, everything you bought at wal-mart back in the bags, and the house back on the grid."
He opened his mouth.
She raised an eyebrow.
He shut his mouth.
"Good." Pepper knew Tony. He had gone out and simply disconnected the wires from the house. She sincerely doubted that he'd ever contacted the power company.
Picking up her bag, she moved towards the stairs. One foot on the first step, she paused.
"Except for the screwdriver." Then she continued upstairs.