The Stress of Changes
While I realize that everyone has his or her own stressors, I have to vent some about some of mine.
My life has gone through SO MANY changes in the last few years - the last several years. I can't keep up with them any more.
The other day I was thinking about where I am now, and what's so different from the way things used to be, and I realized, I Can't Go Back. Mom's dead and there is nothing for me anymore in any of the old places I used to live - so I have nowhere to Go Back to. There's no place to hide, no place to retreat to - no place of old familiarity to help me regain my bearings. It's as if the road behind me falls away into a chasm with each step I take forwards. Even if I wanted to go - I have nowhere to go except right where I am.
This was a very scary revelation for me. Everything is new (relatively) - there are no "old friends" I can go be-bopping to their house and sit and have a cup of tea with. All my current friends are new. I have no "old life" any more. It's all been cut away, and rather sharply, at that. (No pun intended.)
This is unsettling for me. I've always had a fallback place. I mean - there's Viv's place, but who wants to go living in an unfinished basement again?
God, if I have to do something like that, I think I'll curl up and die once I get there.
My life has gone through SO MANY changes in the last few years - the last several years. I can't keep up with them any more.
The other day I was thinking about where I am now, and what's so different from the way things used to be, and I realized, I Can't Go Back. Mom's dead and there is nothing for me anymore in any of the old places I used to live - so I have nowhere to Go Back to. There's no place to hide, no place to retreat to - no place of old familiarity to help me regain my bearings. It's as if the road behind me falls away into a chasm with each step I take forwards. Even if I wanted to go - I have nowhere to go except right where I am.
This was a very scary revelation for me. Everything is new (relatively) - there are no "old friends" I can go be-bopping to their house and sit and have a cup of tea with. All my current friends are new. I have no "old life" any more. It's all been cut away, and rather sharply, at that. (No pun intended.)
This is unsettling for me. I've always had a fallback place. I mean - there's Viv's place, but who wants to go living in an unfinished basement again?
God, if I have to do something like that, I think I'll curl up and die once I get there.