(no subject)
Tonight turned out to be not so bad. Nothing bothered me. I get in these moods sometimes. It's like I'm stuck in a meditation where everything around me just floats by. No worries, no thoughts, just a bright open space where life stands still. I had a lot of time to think tonight. So many things that have been causing my life to be stressful are the things that make me the happiest.
I thought of what it would be like not having my job. What would've happened if I went to Sprint? My life would be stuck in this tiny cubicle with wires connected me to the outside world. With CPARC, I'm helping someone everyday. Seeing how my life is so much better than others.
I consider everyone in my house to be normal. I forget too often that they all have mental handicaps. It just hit me... noone in that household chose to be like that. It's obvious but when you're around them so often you take it for granted that they are just like the rest of us. It's so sad to think that the tiniest things, such as running to the store to grab a soda, will never happen in their lives. They can't just leave the house and go hang out with their friends. They dont ever go shopping without constant supervision. I could never live under the conditions that they do. True, they have an easy life, and easy life piled on top of hundreds of dollars worth of medication that they swallow everyday. An easy life besides the many factors that cause them to be labeled "retarded" in society today.
I guess this job has shown me how great but yet fragile every human life is. No matter who they stand for or what they are prone to do. I no longer think I ever had a horrible life. I no longer can complain about stupid little drama that I have.
My main thoughts lately have been revolving around the fact of me falling in love. It's consumed me into my own little world at work where nothing else matters but the thoughts running through my head. I realized that these people have no idea how to imagine the feeling I was having. They most likely has never kissed anyone, and most likely never will. They will never be married, never have sex, and never even have the choice of whether or not children will be part of her life.
I'm slowly finding happiness in everything that I conquer each day, and it's about time. I can no longer let material things run the way that I'm living. I'm not saying that I'm ending anything that's in my present life, but the future is a different story. I'm starting to understand the point to life. I'm starting to find myself, and it shouldn't scare me, but it does.
I thought of what it would be like not having my job. What would've happened if I went to Sprint? My life would be stuck in this tiny cubicle with wires connected me to the outside world. With CPARC, I'm helping someone everyday. Seeing how my life is so much better than others.
I consider everyone in my house to be normal. I forget too often that they all have mental handicaps. It just hit me... noone in that household chose to be like that. It's obvious but when you're around them so often you take it for granted that they are just like the rest of us. It's so sad to think that the tiniest things, such as running to the store to grab a soda, will never happen in their lives. They can't just leave the house and go hang out with their friends. They dont ever go shopping without constant supervision. I could never live under the conditions that they do. True, they have an easy life, and easy life piled on top of hundreds of dollars worth of medication that they swallow everyday. An easy life besides the many factors that cause them to be labeled "retarded" in society today.
I guess this job has shown me how great but yet fragile every human life is. No matter who they stand for or what they are prone to do. I no longer think I ever had a horrible life. I no longer can complain about stupid little drama that I have.
My main thoughts lately have been revolving around the fact of me falling in love. It's consumed me into my own little world at work where nothing else matters but the thoughts running through my head. I realized that these people have no idea how to imagine the feeling I was having. They most likely has never kissed anyone, and most likely never will. They will never be married, never have sex, and never even have the choice of whether or not children will be part of her life.
I'm slowly finding happiness in everything that I conquer each day, and it's about time. I can no longer let material things run the way that I'm living. I'm not saying that I'm ending anything that's in my present life, but the future is a different story. I'm starting to understand the point to life. I'm starting to find myself, and it shouldn't scare me, but it does.