Thoughts on Thursday
I was waiting for Matthew to wake-up from a nap at my parent’s house. Their TV was tuned into Steve Harvey’s TV Talk show, so I decided to watch a little bit of it. There was a segment on The Biggest Loser. I used to periodically watch the show for reveals or “post-TV-show life” when they first started, but it's been years since I've watched. Steve was interviewing one of the trainers from the show, and they brought three women to show off their “after” bodies. They talked about how they started the show weighing 257 pounds or 242 pounds, etc., and then lost somewhere above/below 100 pounds individually.
Two thoughts popped into my head:
1.) Even with their weight loss, they were still not society’s ideal skinny. If someone were to just see them on a street, they might still say they needed to lose weight.
2.) I’m only about 10 to 15 pounds away from being a “before” version of them.
These two thoughts have continued to stick with me, and are so negative and belittling. I really wish I could find a positive way to think about weight. I think it’s amazing that these women decided to change their lives. If it makes them happy, then high-fives all around. But I have a problem with high-fiving on solely the “required” result. I want these women to run marathons and do triathlons because it makes them feel alive and healthy, not because the possible side effect is a “before and after” picture.
And that is the crux of my issue with weight. I want to exercise and eat better because it is good for my body, good for my health. But every time I think about exercise and eating better, my mind wants some kind of visual result to also come with it. I don’t want that association. I want to be healthier for what it will offer me in life itself: the ability to run with my daughter until she is tired, lift really heavy boxes without need of assistance, to be flexible and not cramp up when I reached for a toy, to go for hikes with friends without worrying I’ll slow them down. All of those things sound absolutely amazing and completely possible, if I work on it. But I find this small but mighty part of my psyche saying, “But what if I’m still fat after all that work?” ::slap forehead::
I want to be a better me to simply be a better me. I am already awesome. I am already beautiful. I am already worthy. I deserve better, for me myself and I alone. When will I actually believe that?
The end?
Two thoughts popped into my head:
1.) Even with their weight loss, they were still not society’s ideal skinny. If someone were to just see them on a street, they might still say they needed to lose weight.
2.) I’m only about 10 to 15 pounds away from being a “before” version of them.
These two thoughts have continued to stick with me, and are so negative and belittling. I really wish I could find a positive way to think about weight. I think it’s amazing that these women decided to change their lives. If it makes them happy, then high-fives all around. But I have a problem with high-fiving on solely the “required” result. I want these women to run marathons and do triathlons because it makes them feel alive and healthy, not because the possible side effect is a “before and after” picture.
And that is the crux of my issue with weight. I want to exercise and eat better because it is good for my body, good for my health. But every time I think about exercise and eating better, my mind wants some kind of visual result to also come with it. I don’t want that association. I want to be healthier for what it will offer me in life itself: the ability to run with my daughter until she is tired, lift really heavy boxes without need of assistance, to be flexible and not cramp up when I reached for a toy, to go for hikes with friends without worrying I’ll slow them down. All of those things sound absolutely amazing and completely possible, if I work on it. But I find this small but mighty part of my psyche saying, “But what if I’m still fat after all that work?” ::slap forehead::
I want to be a better me to simply be a better me. I am already awesome. I am already beautiful. I am already worthy. I deserve better, for me myself and I alone. When will I actually believe that?
The end?