An Ode to the End
Tomorrow Nick starts the two-day long Bar Exam.
On so many levels, I am scared. He is a great test-taker, but this is the test. A lot of professors and his test-tutoring company lecturers said, "Study like this is the last test you will ever take... and it will be." So I have been trying, desperately trying to be patient and understanding, taking all the night-time wake-ups from Aurelia, spending all my hours taking care of anything Nick can ignore. He has been saying with some sureness that he is confident about passing the test. I knock on wood every time. I know it sounds kind of unsupportive, but it's really just superstition.
But really, the thing I hate about the Bar Exam is we don't know if he passed for a while. And if there is one thing I need right now is finality. I need Nick to be done. No more studying, no more books, no more "I have to go..." Nick needs to be done because I am done. And if I hear one more, "I have to go...", I think I will literally throw several plates against the wall, break a window, and/or move into a hotel room for as long as it takes for me to calm the fuck down.
I have said it time and time again, but it's so unbelievably true that I can say it once more. Law school has tested our marriage to its breaking point. As much as I absolutely love my husband, I have crossed and gone hundreds of miles past the "being okay with it" line.
So, for the love of all-things-holy, a million times please, let my husband rest well, focus strongly, and fucking rock the Bar.
the end.
On so many levels, I am scared. He is a great test-taker, but this is the test. A lot of professors and his test-tutoring company lecturers said, "Study like this is the last test you will ever take... and it will be." So I have been trying, desperately trying to be patient and understanding, taking all the night-time wake-ups from Aurelia, spending all my hours taking care of anything Nick can ignore. He has been saying with some sureness that he is confident about passing the test. I knock on wood every time. I know it sounds kind of unsupportive, but it's really just superstition.
But really, the thing I hate about the Bar Exam is we don't know if he passed for a while. And if there is one thing I need right now is finality. I need Nick to be done. No more studying, no more books, no more "I have to go..." Nick needs to be done because I am done. And if I hear one more, "I have to go...", I think I will literally throw several plates against the wall, break a window, and/or move into a hotel room for as long as it takes for me to calm the fuck down.
I have said it time and time again, but it's so unbelievably true that I can say it once more. Law school has tested our marriage to its breaking point. As much as I absolutely love my husband, I have crossed and gone hundreds of miles past the "being okay with it" line.
So, for the love of all-things-holy, a million times please, let my husband rest well, focus strongly, and fucking rock the Bar.
the end.