The Road to Faberrittana (2/?)
Title :The Road to Faberrittana 2: Storming Out .
Author: Stargirl888
Word Count:
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Brittany/ Rachel (platonic for now), Brittany /Santana
Rating: M
WARNINGS: Consensual Disciplinary Spanking
Summary: Rachel behaves selfishly and Quinn’s out of town. Good thing Brittany’s around to give her some perspective.
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You could maybe do a flashback discussion between Quinn, Brittany, and Rachel where they establish that Britt is allowed to discipline Rachel. I don't think you fully established that in the previous stories yet. It's not a big deal, just some extra character development that is optional.
You have captured Rachel's voice really well, and her diva like behaviour really fits the character. I also liked how you are doing Santana, she is just bitchy enough like when she gets annoyed with Rachel for not getting in the car. In Glee canon Santana is growing to tone down her bitchiness as she gets closer to being out with Brittany so it makes sense in your verse that now that Santana is out and proud with Brittany she wouldn't get as over the top as she used to get in the past. I think you found the right balance of restraint and bitchiness with Santana.
I personally find writing Brittany incredibly hard, her world view is a bit dreamy and it's hard to capture that. That's probably a combination of Heather Morris, Ryan Murphy, and Brad Falchuk having created Brittany together and it's hard for any writer to truly capture Brittany's voice in the way that they do. I think you did a great job and having Brittany need comfort and reassurance from Santana after punishing Rachel was a nice touch to add in at the end.
The only thing for Brittany is maybe explore her feelings a bit more during the interaction with Rachel. Also during the conversation with Santana at the end you could explore how Santana feels about this move toward a foursome relationship with Quinn and Rachel.
Sorry if this comes across as overly critical, I noticed at the top you said this was a first draft so I wanted to give you as much comments as I could think of. I really love your verse and am definitely looking forward to following along as you write more instalments.
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I did actually consider writing the conversation between Rachel, Brittany and Quinn in A Surprisingly Tame Argument but then it came out pretty much exactly the same as Rachels suggestion as to how the arrangement would work, making it seem rather redundant, but now I think I may add it as a flashback in a later chapter.
I'm glad you think I got the right conbination of bitchy'ness and restraint for Santana because I really wanted to show that she is still Santana, just with a bit more consideration. (i.e. she hasn't lost herself in her relationship with Brittany, as can happen in these types of relationships if the dom is too dominant)
To write Brittany strictly according to cannon I find near impossible, but I don't particularly like canon Brittany that much anyway (though I do have a small hope for her after the S2 finale), which is why I tend to change her character into something that fits better with my headcanon.
I think I may go back to put in more of Brittany's feelings during her interraction with Rachel (to be honest I wasn't origionally even going to really address Brittanys feelings with the Brittany/Santana ending but it just sort of happened)
I'm purposely not mentioning the idea of a the poly relationship yet because I don't think its something any of the girls are really even considering it (I don't think most people would unless they had already heard of poly relationships)...i'm hoping for it to be like they're growing closer and leads up to it being a case of them dating just being the next (il)logical step. (Thats the plan at the moment anyway but I'm not sure if it'll happen because I think I need to do some general, girls hanging out together type installments for that to work and I'm not really inspired to write those right now)
Thanks for all the feedback :)
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