(no subject)
i hate my journal it's sooo blah, but im sooo happy bc some wonderful person on lj is going to make my background better. i just cant stand looking at it even more every time i see it.
i dont understand how every one is so dedicated to homework and actually does it, and i just cant never ever bring myself to do it. it's so hard. im doing so bad in history it's not even funny, but when i actually try reading it i still dont get it. im about to drop it. its so overly stressful and i cant do it anymore. im so sick of everyone in that class being like oh crap i got another B. i want to be like umm ok i would be happy with a low frickin C. ugh. im never going to go to college much less get a scholarship. maybe my grandpa is right... i SHOULD be like my cousins... they're so perfect right? i just wish i could just be them im so sick of being compared to them and never measuring up. i'm my own person and i wish people could see that, but no one ever does. especially my grandpa. he always reminds me of what a failure i am and how all my cousins are perfect children and are so smart and why arent i like that? maybe thats why i dont try, bc i know nobody expects anything out of me, they all just expect me to fail so i just accept it. last year everything just seemed so easy. so many things have changed it's insane. i dont even know what but i know that i have changed. and my school, if you've never been there i guess you'll never know how God awful it truly is. i just don't click with the people there. everyone has different views than me, save a few.
i dont understand how every one is so dedicated to homework and actually does it, and i just cant never ever bring myself to do it. it's so hard. im doing so bad in history it's not even funny, but when i actually try reading it i still dont get it. im about to drop it. its so overly stressful and i cant do it anymore. im so sick of everyone in that class being like oh crap i got another B. i want to be like umm ok i would be happy with a low frickin C. ugh. im never going to go to college much less get a scholarship. maybe my grandpa is right... i SHOULD be like my cousins... they're so perfect right? i just wish i could just be them im so sick of being compared to them and never measuring up. i'm my own person and i wish people could see that, but no one ever does. especially my grandpa. he always reminds me of what a failure i am and how all my cousins are perfect children and are so smart and why arent i like that? maybe thats why i dont try, bc i know nobody expects anything out of me, they all just expect me to fail so i just accept it. last year everything just seemed so easy. so many things have changed it's insane. i dont even know what but i know that i have changed. and my school, if you've never been there i guess you'll never know how God awful it truly is. i just don't click with the people there. everyone has different views than me, save a few.