Psycho Man
I was surfing the internet with my friends at lunch yesterday and remembered our old project. In grade 10 we had decided to create a website and post random stories, videos, pictures, etc. We had only just begun working on the site when we got bored and gave up. I decided, yesterday, to revisit it, and much to my surprise, we actually had something of interest up. The only story posted was one I had written in math class. Math was so boring in grade 10 that, in an effort to amuse my friends, I wrote the most random stories possible.
It's not very long, or all that sane. I don't know what I was thinking while writing it, but I have to admit that it still makes me laugh. I am so weird sometimes. Well, here's the only surviving story...hope it distracts you for a short while, so I can get over my writer's block.
This morning I woke up to see a hippo by my feet. Why? No idea. My mom says I should grow up. After all, I am a 28 year old man. She doesn't believe me when I tell her these things that happen to me. It really makes me sad to feel that she doesn't love me.
Today I'm leaving. I'm going to Canada. I hope someone there will love me.
"Hello young girl, would you like to be my friend?"
The girl runs away. Am I really that weird? I think I'm perfectly normal. Can no one understand me?
Well, it's been a month. Best month ever! I found a dog. We did everything together. We ate, slept, and even shared secrets together. He doesn't think that my mother was very nice to me.
OMG! SAVE ME! My mom tracked me down, and put me in an asylum! WTF! It should be her! I'm perfectly normal! What's not normal about me?
Guess what! My roommate here in the asylum is really nice. His name is Fred. He's very quiet, but I think he's awesome. I don't like it when my gatekeeper comes in, gives me a shot, and tells me that my friend is a dead spider. Is Fred a name for a spider? IS IT??? No, it's not!!!!!
Huhun....huhun....huuuuuuuhun! I'm drowning save me! Huhun! Blubblyblubleblu....huuuuuuuuuuuhun! I had to save myself! NO ONE in this whole building would save me from my evil swimming pool! It tried to jump off my bed and eat me!!!!!!!!!
Well apparently I'm cured, though I don't feel anything was ever wrong with me. I feel bad for leaving Fred behind though.
I can't find him! My dog friend is gone! Oh dear god, just shoot me now! Ahhh never mind! I'm going to go home and show my mom just how normal I am. I'm gonna go rub it in her face!
Well my mom doesn't believe me! You know, I think she's insane. She called me a goat. She said that if I eat grass that I'm either a cow or a goat, but I'm not fat so I have to be a goat. Well mom, I'm perfectly people! People eat grass! Duh! What planet are you from?
I tried to be friends with a bee from my mom's front yard today, but he stung me. I named him Hitler, then ran away crying. I hate you Hitler! After that a kid came up to me and said "I hate Hitler too. He killed my great grandpa!" that poor kid! I think someone needs to catch Hitler and put him in jail! I'm so dumb for letting him fly away like that!
Well it turns out Hitler poisoned me, I'm swelling up, and it's hard to breath. Huhun....huhun....huuuuuuuuuuuuhun......................... THE END!
It's not very long, or all that sane. I don't know what I was thinking while writing it, but I have to admit that it still makes me laugh. I am so weird sometimes. Well, here's the only surviving story...hope it distracts you for a short while, so I can get over my writer's block.
This morning I woke up to see a hippo by my feet. Why? No idea. My mom says I should grow up. After all, I am a 28 year old man. She doesn't believe me when I tell her these things that happen to me. It really makes me sad to feel that she doesn't love me.
Today I'm leaving. I'm going to Canada. I hope someone there will love me.
"Hello young girl, would you like to be my friend?"
The girl runs away. Am I really that weird? I think I'm perfectly normal. Can no one understand me?
Well, it's been a month. Best month ever! I found a dog. We did everything together. We ate, slept, and even shared secrets together. He doesn't think that my mother was very nice to me.
OMG! SAVE ME! My mom tracked me down, and put me in an asylum! WTF! It should be her! I'm perfectly normal! What's not normal about me?
Guess what! My roommate here in the asylum is really nice. His name is Fred. He's very quiet, but I think he's awesome. I don't like it when my gatekeeper comes in, gives me a shot, and tells me that my friend is a dead spider. Is Fred a name for a spider? IS IT??? No, it's not!!!!!
Huhun....huhun....huuuuuuuhun! I'm drowning save me! Huhun! Blubblyblubleblu....huuuuuuuuuuuhun! I had to save myself! NO ONE in this whole building would save me from my evil swimming pool! It tried to jump off my bed and eat me!!!!!!!!!
Well apparently I'm cured, though I don't feel anything was ever wrong with me. I feel bad for leaving Fred behind though.
I can't find him! My dog friend is gone! Oh dear god, just shoot me now! Ahhh never mind! I'm going to go home and show my mom just how normal I am. I'm gonna go rub it in her face!
Well my mom doesn't believe me! You know, I think she's insane. She called me a goat. She said that if I eat grass that I'm either a cow or a goat, but I'm not fat so I have to be a goat. Well mom, I'm perfectly people! People eat grass! Duh! What planet are you from?
I tried to be friends with a bee from my mom's front yard today, but he stung me. I named him Hitler, then ran away crying. I hate you Hitler! After that a kid came up to me and said "I hate Hitler too. He killed my great grandpa!" that poor kid! I think someone needs to catch Hitler and put him in jail! I'm so dumb for letting him fly away like that!
Well it turns out Hitler poisoned me, I'm swelling up, and it's hard to breath. Huhun....huhun....huuuuuuuuuuuuhun......................... THE END!