Baby steps are all I take
Nervousness and apprehension. The feelings that I felt when signing up for a particular writing site. Now, I am on my way. It feels good to know that I now have the ability to write and put my thoughts out there. I still feel some trepidation towards this adventure, but I know deep down that this is the right path for me.
In thinking about it now, I can still feel the anxiety, the pressure. It is like I am standing up against a wall, with no where to go. Physical inability. I have always wondered about this sensation. I only feel this way when it comes to writing. I am sure, almost positive, that I know where the origin of the feeling originates from. Yes, of course, it is me. My vulnerability to my thoughts. The idea that I am not good enough.
This has always been a desire of mine. For as long as I can remember, I have always dabbled with writing. Whether it be poetry, stories, papers for school, or writing in a journal, writing was an activity that I always came back to. I have a hunger to write. A very real, raw hunger that burns within my soul and spirit.
So, why is it that I am afraid? the feeling that I speak of, the physical inability, I know is only psychological. Why though, can I not get past it? Why am I letting my fear based thoughts have control over something that I enjoy? How do I get past them, so that I can truly enjoy my passion and desire?
A memory that I keep coming back to:
My junior year of high school and I am in my AP English class (I can not remember the exact title, I just remember it was advanced placement/college prep). I had been discussing my college path with my teacher Mr. Whyle (correct spelling?). He knew that I enjoyed writing, he had even remarked a few times that I was rather good at it. He was the one who told me about Pitt's journalism degree, and he kept telling me that I should apply. I remember that I wanted to because I felt that I could get in, but I was nervous (recurring theme, no?).
It is rather simple, but I remember it vividly. The outcome? I never applied.
I wonder if this is what they mean when they refer to 'writer's block'. A blockage of ideas and thoughts, a repression of longings and desires.
In thinking about it now, I can still feel the anxiety, the pressure. It is like I am standing up against a wall, with no where to go. Physical inability. I have always wondered about this sensation. I only feel this way when it comes to writing. I am sure, almost positive, that I know where the origin of the feeling originates from. Yes, of course, it is me. My vulnerability to my thoughts. The idea that I am not good enough.
This has always been a desire of mine. For as long as I can remember, I have always dabbled with writing. Whether it be poetry, stories, papers for school, or writing in a journal, writing was an activity that I always came back to. I have a hunger to write. A very real, raw hunger that burns within my soul and spirit.
So, why is it that I am afraid? the feeling that I speak of, the physical inability, I know is only psychological. Why though, can I not get past it? Why am I letting my fear based thoughts have control over something that I enjoy? How do I get past them, so that I can truly enjoy my passion and desire?
A memory that I keep coming back to:
My junior year of high school and I am in my AP English class (I can not remember the exact title, I just remember it was advanced placement/college prep). I had been discussing my college path with my teacher Mr. Whyle (correct spelling?). He knew that I enjoyed writing, he had even remarked a few times that I was rather good at it. He was the one who told me about Pitt's journalism degree, and he kept telling me that I should apply. I remember that I wanted to because I felt that I could get in, but I was nervous (recurring theme, no?).
It is rather simple, but I remember it vividly. The outcome? I never applied.
I wonder if this is what they mean when they refer to 'writer's block'. A blockage of ideas and thoughts, a repression of longings and desires.