(no subject)
I saw Deki last night for the first time in months. I was leaving the pool hall and was pulling out when all of a sudden he jumped in front of my car. HELLO! Talk about scaring the crap out of someone. So I got out and we sood in the frickin freezing weather and talked and caught up a bit. Turns out Matt moved out because he is headed to Guam for the navy. Deki said he isnt sure whether or not he is going to find someone else to take his spot. He may just keep the apartment for himself. It was nice to see him. It's funny how my heart still jumps. I wonder if it will always be like that. I told him that I was living in between RI and CT so he said that if I ever needed a place to crash I could come over. That's great. Oye I miss him.
The job hunt is back on full force seeing as how my temp job stopped. Went down to VA for thanksgiving and just wished I could just move without any inhibitions. I was so excited because Leah learned how to say my name. It takes some effort to spit out the D in Mandy but she gets it and it just... melts my heart. She can point me out in a picture and then Josiah and Makenzie are my other little sweethearts. I love my kids more than anything... ok well besides my brother haha.
Last night I just wanted to drive. I finally realized that I should get off the road before I ended up in Maine or something. So I crashed at Ron's... again. And I shouldn't be doing that. I am really not the type of person that can share a guy or just have a casual fling. But when there isn't anything else out there, one night of being with someone can sometimes seem better than laying by yourself wondering what's wrong with you. So I am going to start doing some things for myself. There are things I have always wanted to do and I think I am just going to stop being so friggin dumb and needy and just go do them. I have also started working out again to try and lose this obscene amount of weight I have put on. Going well so far. I think I just need to find my niche again. Find where I fit in and with people who enjoy the same things I do. Sounds easier than it really is, I think.
Well, I guess that's all I really have for right now. I am going to go try and get a part time job at Barnes and Noble now. Hehe Grab some starbucks... ahhh yes.
The job hunt is back on full force seeing as how my temp job stopped. Went down to VA for thanksgiving and just wished I could just move without any inhibitions. I was so excited because Leah learned how to say my name. It takes some effort to spit out the D in Mandy but she gets it and it just... melts my heart. She can point me out in a picture and then Josiah and Makenzie are my other little sweethearts. I love my kids more than anything... ok well besides my brother haha.
Last night I just wanted to drive. I finally realized that I should get off the road before I ended up in Maine or something. So I crashed at Ron's... again. And I shouldn't be doing that. I am really not the type of person that can share a guy or just have a casual fling. But when there isn't anything else out there, one night of being with someone can sometimes seem better than laying by yourself wondering what's wrong with you. So I am going to start doing some things for myself. There are things I have always wanted to do and I think I am just going to stop being so friggin dumb and needy and just go do them. I have also started working out again to try and lose this obscene amount of weight I have put on. Going well so far. I think I just need to find my niche again. Find where I fit in and with people who enjoy the same things I do. Sounds easier than it really is, I think.
Well, I guess that's all I really have for right now. I am going to go try and get a part time job at Barnes and Noble now. Hehe Grab some starbucks... ahhh yes.