(no subject)
Sitting here in Steve's room while he is at a meeting trying to decide what to do with the rest of his college career. I came in and he was just saying bye to friends and he had a drink in his hand. He likes to drink and I am not sure how I feel about this. I mean, I know people drink. It's naive to think that kids in college won't. But I mean, Steve really likes to drink. And he had a beer this time which I hate the taste of and when he tried to kiss me I could taste in on his mouth and it made me slightly gag. Blah. Listening to Buffalo Springfield which is soothing. I feel like going dancing. Meg and I were talking about it last night. We want to go to the club but she has class til 10 on thursday nights which is college night and by the time we got there it would be after 11 and pretty much not worth it. I have to fill out my fafsa this weekend with my mom but tuition is going up this year and unfortunately my mom can't co-sign another loan for me so... I need to be able to come up with 26,000 dollars for next year. Then I have to declare my major by the end of this semester and I am just not knowing what to do. Mom makes too much money for a decent amount of financial aid. I guess we will just have to wait and see. Stuff is starting back up at work and I am trying not to let it get me pissed off. Everything was fine. It;s amazing how it can all start back up again so suddenly. I was talking with Joe ladt night about it. I think things are worked out between us. At lease as he put it "on the phone" We still haven't really hung out lately so I guess we will see how it is when we are actually around each other. My mom sent me an email the other day that made me cry. She said she finally realizes she has to let her baby girl go. That I am old enough to make my own choices and that she is very proud of me and has faith that I will make the right decisions. It meant a lot to me. Now she is coming up this weekend and I will get to spend some time with her. Hopefully Sunday she will get to meet Steve. I am hoping to go out to dinner or something. It will be nice to lead a somewhat normal and steady life. I guess I am getting tired of being so... unstable. I am looking for something grounding... something that will keep me focused and attached. Oye. Well, time to lie down before stats class and before Steve gets back. Hopefully by then the aocohol will be gone from his breath. Yuck.