(no subject)
I'm too spent to get anything done, but not tired enough to sleep. So naturally the solution is to write on LJ.
I feel like it was a week ago. Although I dont know how I could have experienced it more fully, it was still very surreal.
Starting early morning I started preparing, amazingly enough I didnt know what I was going to wear, but the dress a friend had given me ended up working very well. We got to the church, and I rehearsed with the pianist, and I was worried because I wasnt sounding very good, I was just ok. When Bob (my voice teacher) got there he helped me, but it still didnt feel comfortable. I wasnt even very nervous(I told people I was nervous, but I wasnt really), just not sure how to take it to the next level. I think Bob was perplexed as well. He suggested that after the first song I should take my shoes off, which I didnt really want to do, but for the sake of breath support, decided I would anyway. When people started to arrive, and I couldnt rehearse anymore, Bob took me downstairs to sit and reflect or whatever. He gave me a beautiful letter which he had written for me about how to enjoy this moment, and how much I have grown. He said that I shouldnt apologize for doing what I do, which I realized made a lot of sense. I tend to be very shy in my performance. Not the actual singing, but the performance. And being able to be proud of what I can do is hard because I dont necessarily believe in myself as a performer. Nevertheless, even though what he said made sense, I still didnt know how the performance was going to be different from the rehearsal.
It always surprises me how much the stage changes you. I came out in front of the audience and felt the same as before, but my performance was completely different and totally surpasses what I believe I am capable of. It was crazy. There were no mistakes, except when I mentioned that I got the male lead in the Fantasticks and Dan got the female lead. Luckily I was awake enough to realize it and correct myself. My voice also cracked on one of the songs, but it wasnt a bad crack. Plus I felt like the encore song was really one of the best, I am glad we had prepared for that. I cant believe I got a standing ovation, that was amazing, and the flowers and everything. It was so cool that we had like 40 people there, including my riding instructor who came despite the fact that it was his twin's first birthday. He actually cried which was so touching. One of my elementary school teachers was there, which was amazing, and Mrs. Kirtley and Dr. Choate came, plus a lot of my BCC people. Dan sounded great, Julia and Naomi sounded great, the pianist did a good job, and I think I finally got out what I had been struggling to find satisfaction with. Maybe that's why I feel so empty right now. Not in a bad way mind you, in a "there's nothing left to do way". I intend to revel in it.
Thank you again to all of you who came, it was really special, and I hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I did. If you didnt make it and you by any chance want a cd of it, or you did come and you want a cd of it, let me know.
I feel like it was a week ago. Although I dont know how I could have experienced it more fully, it was still very surreal.
Starting early morning I started preparing, amazingly enough I didnt know what I was going to wear, but the dress a friend had given me ended up working very well. We got to the church, and I rehearsed with the pianist, and I was worried because I wasnt sounding very good, I was just ok. When Bob (my voice teacher) got there he helped me, but it still didnt feel comfortable. I wasnt even very nervous(I told people I was nervous, but I wasnt really), just not sure how to take it to the next level. I think Bob was perplexed as well. He suggested that after the first song I should take my shoes off, which I didnt really want to do, but for the sake of breath support, decided I would anyway. When people started to arrive, and I couldnt rehearse anymore, Bob took me downstairs to sit and reflect or whatever. He gave me a beautiful letter which he had written for me about how to enjoy this moment, and how much I have grown. He said that I shouldnt apologize for doing what I do, which I realized made a lot of sense. I tend to be very shy in my performance. Not the actual singing, but the performance. And being able to be proud of what I can do is hard because I dont necessarily believe in myself as a performer. Nevertheless, even though what he said made sense, I still didnt know how the performance was going to be different from the rehearsal.
It always surprises me how much the stage changes you. I came out in front of the audience and felt the same as before, but my performance was completely different and totally surpasses what I believe I am capable of. It was crazy. There were no mistakes, except when I mentioned that I got the male lead in the Fantasticks and Dan got the female lead. Luckily I was awake enough to realize it and correct myself. My voice also cracked on one of the songs, but it wasnt a bad crack. Plus I felt like the encore song was really one of the best, I am glad we had prepared for that. I cant believe I got a standing ovation, that was amazing, and the flowers and everything. It was so cool that we had like 40 people there, including my riding instructor who came despite the fact that it was his twin's first birthday. He actually cried which was so touching. One of my elementary school teachers was there, which was amazing, and Mrs. Kirtley and Dr. Choate came, plus a lot of my BCC people. Dan sounded great, Julia and Naomi sounded great, the pianist did a good job, and I think I finally got out what I had been struggling to find satisfaction with. Maybe that's why I feel so empty right now. Not in a bad way mind you, in a "there's nothing left to do way". I intend to revel in it.
Thank you again to all of you who came, it was really special, and I hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I did. If you didnt make it and you by any chance want a cd of it, or you did come and you want a cd of it, let me know.