Baby #2?
I havent posted here in a long time - sorry I sometimes dont really get on much. I go on facebook some to look at pictures and sometimes you tube but forget about Live journal.
Life the past few months have been - complicated horrible confusing jumble of mush. I guess I will start with the most recent incase I get sleepy and cant finish. Monday when Rebekah went down for her nap I descided to take a nap too. I had a good but weird dream where I was pregnant with another baby. It was weird - I woke up feeling kind of happy and so I turn to clint laughing about the dream as I told him. I was still half asleep kind of in a groggy state - Well he said he wanted a second baby and I was like huh? Well not to be tmi - we had sex - he kind of pushed it on me and that kind of upset me cause I wasnt really ready to say yes to trying for a baby yet but I didnt really say no either. I guess in the fog I was in I just wasnt thinking very clearly. Lets just say it was a bad time of the month to be doing what he did so now I am scared - Trying to descide am I ready for another baby? Do I want another baby? I just so confused on this. Kind of upset at myself for not speaking up.
Things not been very good between me and him - His family are driving me literally insane. While Clint was out of work we fought a lot. His sister said that she upset that we are having Rebekah birthday party at my moms house and why cant we have it somewhere where people can have fun? That if I was going to be there and if my mom was going to be there she wasnt coming. It really hurt bad!! Their hate towards me is starting to interfere with my daughters life and that hurt. I cried for days cause of this - I had tried so hard to have Rebekah party extra special this year. I had even bought gifts for Clints sisters kids so everyone would have a present. Just to find out they refuse to have anything to do with her on her birthday cause of me. Why do they have to be such bitches???? God I am sooo tired of them! Clint then gets mad at me cause I got upset about this and let if affect me. He said I need to learn to over look them. I am sorry its not that easy especially when they aim their hateful comments not just to me but my daughter. We fought the whole time he was off about this and his family. He seems to be angry at me for this? Dont ask me to explain because I am not really sure and I am in a daze trying to figure out what to do with my life right now.
So As for Rebekah birthday - I let her choose out a cake. I was going to bake a cake but she saw a cake at the store and kept talking about it. so I ordered her one for her birthday. Its a farm animal cake with a pig, duck and horse. The pig duck and horse are "little people" brand so she can take them off and have them as toys. So I thought that was neat. I guess it will be me and my mom mainly at her party. A friend I met at Church said she might try to come if she able but I wont hold her to it. She just felt sorry I think when she found out that his family refusing to come etc.
Rebekah ended up being back sick last night - so bad I rushed her to the ER. She woke up with 102 fever and throwing up everywhere. They gave her fluids and zofran to help with the throwing up. By the time we left her fever was down to 100. She bad sick today but tonight when I finally got her to bed at 11pm her fever was down to 99. So maybe its start to break. She actually ate some but you can hear her stomach - it sounds horrible. and she cries like she has bad stomach cramps.
I descided or trying to focus my life more on Rebekah and her needs - Trying real hard to cut out the anger and the resentment I feel towards Clint and his family. I am becoming a bit of a bitch because I am so angry and bitter about the way they do me. I descided that if things are not better in a year I am leaving. By that time my loans will be paid off and I will be able to save enough to leave. I worried all this time about how to do things on my own and I guess tried to work out a plan just incase. His one sister acts and says things like threatening to hurt me so I get worried sometime she will. They are that type of people.
But thats my life lately - just trying to figure out what to do. Deal with his family and their crap. I just got this sinking feeling that the fight not over - I fear they going to do something about her birthday because I want to be there. Sad thing is Clint will stand behind them before me.
Life the past few months have been - complicated horrible confusing jumble of mush. I guess I will start with the most recent incase I get sleepy and cant finish. Monday when Rebekah went down for her nap I descided to take a nap too. I had a good but weird dream where I was pregnant with another baby. It was weird - I woke up feeling kind of happy and so I turn to clint laughing about the dream as I told him. I was still half asleep kind of in a groggy state - Well he said he wanted a second baby and I was like huh? Well not to be tmi - we had sex - he kind of pushed it on me and that kind of upset me cause I wasnt really ready to say yes to trying for a baby yet but I didnt really say no either. I guess in the fog I was in I just wasnt thinking very clearly. Lets just say it was a bad time of the month to be doing what he did so now I am scared - Trying to descide am I ready for another baby? Do I want another baby? I just so confused on this. Kind of upset at myself for not speaking up.
Things not been very good between me and him - His family are driving me literally insane. While Clint was out of work we fought a lot. His sister said that she upset that we are having Rebekah birthday party at my moms house and why cant we have it somewhere where people can have fun? That if I was going to be there and if my mom was going to be there she wasnt coming. It really hurt bad!! Their hate towards me is starting to interfere with my daughters life and that hurt. I cried for days cause of this - I had tried so hard to have Rebekah party extra special this year. I had even bought gifts for Clints sisters kids so everyone would have a present. Just to find out they refuse to have anything to do with her on her birthday cause of me. Why do they have to be such bitches???? God I am sooo tired of them! Clint then gets mad at me cause I got upset about this and let if affect me. He said I need to learn to over look them. I am sorry its not that easy especially when they aim their hateful comments not just to me but my daughter. We fought the whole time he was off about this and his family. He seems to be angry at me for this? Dont ask me to explain because I am not really sure and I am in a daze trying to figure out what to do with my life right now.
So As for Rebekah birthday - I let her choose out a cake. I was going to bake a cake but she saw a cake at the store and kept talking about it. so I ordered her one for her birthday. Its a farm animal cake with a pig, duck and horse. The pig duck and horse are "little people" brand so she can take them off and have them as toys. So I thought that was neat. I guess it will be me and my mom mainly at her party. A friend I met at Church said she might try to come if she able but I wont hold her to it. She just felt sorry I think when she found out that his family refusing to come etc.
Rebekah ended up being back sick last night - so bad I rushed her to the ER. She woke up with 102 fever and throwing up everywhere. They gave her fluids and zofran to help with the throwing up. By the time we left her fever was down to 100. She bad sick today but tonight when I finally got her to bed at 11pm her fever was down to 99. So maybe its start to break. She actually ate some but you can hear her stomach - it sounds horrible. and she cries like she has bad stomach cramps.
I descided or trying to focus my life more on Rebekah and her needs - Trying real hard to cut out the anger and the resentment I feel towards Clint and his family. I am becoming a bit of a bitch because I am so angry and bitter about the way they do me. I descided that if things are not better in a year I am leaving. By that time my loans will be paid off and I will be able to save enough to leave. I worried all this time about how to do things on my own and I guess tried to work out a plan just incase. His one sister acts and says things like threatening to hurt me so I get worried sometime she will. They are that type of people.
But thats my life lately - just trying to figure out what to do. Deal with his family and their crap. I just got this sinking feeling that the fight not over - I fear they going to do something about her birthday because I want to be there. Sad thing is Clint will stand behind them before me.