Reason #312 to watch Fringe:
Funny Walter Bishop quotes
And by extension funny, sarcastic Peter Bishop quotes:
Walter: Oh!
Olivia: What? What happened?
Walter: I just pissed myself.
Peter: Excellent.
-Pilot
Peter: Hello Walter.
Walter: I thought you'd be fatter.
Peter: You thought I would be fatter. Excellent. First words, perfect.
-Pilot
Walter: We need to celebrate and make sure that Agent Dunham can attend. I want to see her face when she eats my pudding.
Peter: That's disturbing.
-A New Day in the Old Town
Walter: (to Olivia) I thought you might have teleported to New York in your sleep and killed her. Wouldn't that have been wondrous?
-Bad Dreams
Walter: The ride back was invigorating. The turbulence over Ohio was like being in the belly of a seizing whale. I screamed like a little girl.
-Dream Logic
Walter: We're all victims of our own gene pool. Someone must have peed in yours.
-Night of Desirable Objects
Walter: Its funny. I love custard, but I hate flan. Which could be an issue of semantics. Or difficulty with the French. Which I doubt, given my near obsession with moules a la creme normande.
-A New Day in the Old Town
Peter: Walter, what are you doing?
Walter: I'm dosing a caterpillar.
Peter: Dosing? As in LSD?
Walter: It's a special blend.
Peter: I see. Hey, guess what just happened? Finding out that my father gives drugs to bugs, somehow just became a typical moment in my life.
Walter: Wonderful, isn't it?
-Bound
Walter: Just because no one has documented flying monkeys or talking lions yet hardly means they don't exist.
-Johari Window
Walter: This is exciting. You think the FBI will ever give me a gun?
-Of Human Action
Walter: Reminds me of Christmas. Like a fire log that burns so hot it remains intact, holding the shape of its former self. You used to love that when you were a child. You'd poke the log with your little finger when it had cooled, and you'd draw genitalia on the reindeer decorations.
Peter: Happy memories, Walter.
-Earthling
Walter: This is quite delicious.
Peter: Where did you get that?
Walter: In the car, uneaten.
Peter: What is the matter with you?
Walter: Oh, forgive my son. He's been in a mood all day.
Peter: I just figured "don't eat the evidence" goes without saying.
-Unleashed
Walter: The typical number of young in the litter is usually equal to half the number nipples on the animal. The number of nipples being the maximum litter size. Humans, for example, one child is the typical. Maximum, twins. Barring extraordinary cases when the young exceed the number of nipples.
Peter: God, I hope I never have to hear him say the word "nipple" again.
-The Transformation
Walter: They have this horrible pudding here. Butterscotch pudding on Mondays, it's dreadful.
Olivia: It's Thursday.
Walter: Oh, that's fantastic news.
-Pilot
Walter: Damn it! Must you always be such a smart ass? I need the aluminum foil right now to shield the frequencies of the cylinder. Your life depends on it. All our lives depend on it. Go now!
Peter: I'm gonna go get you your aluminum foil, and then when I get back, you're gonna tell me what the hell it is you think that thing does.
Walter: While you're out, if you see a chance to get me a root beer float, that would be wonderful.
-The Arrival
Peter: I need my own bedroom. I woke up this morning to him singing an aria from Pagliacci.
Astrid: Your father has a wonderful voice.
Peter: Not when he's doing jumping jacks. And did I mention he was naked?
Walter: A good morning sets the tone for the day.
-Fracture
Walter: Excellent. Let's make some LSD.
-Pilot
Some of the names Walter has called Astrid other than, well, Astrid:
Asterix
Asterick
Astro
Asteroid
Astringent
Astral
Aspirin
Ostrich
The Many Dimensions of Walter
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