Oddball Pairings Ficathon Entry from Stargatebabe: Vala/Caldwell in Coming To Terms
Oddball Pairings Ficathon
SG1/SGA Crossover Love
Title: Coming To Terms
By StargateBabe
Summary: Vala and Caldwell come to terms in a tight situation.
Gen/Het
Category: Humor/Adventure/Crossover
Pairings: Vala/Caldwell
Season: Ten
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 3,433
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1" and “Stargate Atlantis: and their characters are the property of Sony Pictures: MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.
“You said they would be here!” Colonel Steven Caldwell fumed at Vala Mal Doran.
“And they will be, I think.” She looked around the corner of the building. “Just keep your shirt on.”
“Remind me again why I’m here…with YOU?”
“Because you wanted more than the shipment of naquadah, remember?”
“Right,” Caldwell snarled.
This op had gone wrong from the get go. He was supposed to meet with the new leader of this world. The guy had demanded the representatives bring someone worthy of meeting with the head of a whole planet. Stargate Command sent Caldwell mostly because he whined so much. He was sick of hanging around between trips to Atlantis. Anyway, the Daedalus was in for repairs.
Daniel sent Vala to the Stargate to meet the Colonel and his escort. While walking through the streets of the village, the group came under attack. Vala and Caldwell with three of his guards made it behind some piled containers. The others were taken out with a Goa’uld hand grenade which temporarily stuns and blinds the victims. The three guards with Caldwell radioed for help. One by one they got picked off. Vala’s former business partners and the Lucien Alliance converged on their position.
“This meeting was supposed to be secure. What about the part where you were supposed to have set this up already?”
“I did, only there was this tiny little snag.”
“So it would seem,” Caldwell saw the traders running down the street with their weapons drawn. “Did the snag include THEM?” He tapped her shoulder to point at the new gaggle of bad guys.
“Noooooo, it did not. RUN!”
Caldwell unleashed a barrage of bullets at the oncoming pursuers, while Vala skidded and rolled behind some barrels across the street. She turned on the first set of attackers with her blaster. One man was grazed by the shot and fell backwards, rolling for cover. The other took a flying leap at Vala only to get himself mowed down by Caldwell’s P-90.
“Thank you!”
“Move!”
Caldwell let loose again on the second group noticing that more people were coming, attracted by the weapons fire. He got up and ran for her position, stumbling and falling on her.
“It’s not as though I would mind this normally, but now is not the time!”
“Oooh, I’m so gonna kick your ass as soon as…” he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. Reflexively, he unsheathed his knife and rolled just as the attacker made their position. The man got his throat cut by one very angry former Spec Ops soldier.
“Oh, yuck, did you have to make him spurt blood all over me? This is a new outfit. It cost a pretty…” Vala lifted her blaster in time to take out one of the second group who had made it level with the barrels. “I don’t want to complain but get OFF of me.” She slapped him with her hands.
“Gaaa! He weighs a ton!”
“Well, he weighs less now that he lost a few pounds of bodily fluids. He better not have let go his sphincter on my shoes. These boots can not be replaced.”
“I’m going as fast as I can.”
“Well go faster.” She reached into Caldwell’s flak jacket and took the zat. With it she accidentally shot the dead guy and Caldwell who groaned in the jerky dance. “Oh crap.”
Luckily the last of the pursuers decided to go back for reinforcements. Vala used her feet as leverage to try to kick both of the men off of her. They each weighed over 200 pounds, crushing her small frame to the ground with only her head and arms free.
“When you wake up, I am putting YOU on a diet.” She laid back exhausted giving Caldwell a slap upside the head for good measure.
“Always down in the gutter, I see, Vala,” a rugged craggy faced man leaned over.
“Jomor, you ugly excuse for a sack of varg bait, good to see you too.”
“A few of your customers get too anxious? Or did they get what you are giving out these days to the unsuspecting?”
“Not half as much as you’re going to get when I get up.”
“In that case, I’ll leave you here and call Beyrat. He seems to think you still owe him from the Cassa deal. He’s not happy. He’s not even as happy as these two. But I’m sure he’ll be willing to take it out in trade and THEN kill you.”
“He might if you could tell him. If you had the intelligence of a doorknob you would know that I have a zat pointed right at your ankles.” She saw the surprise as she tapped his ankle with the zat. “I think you should offer to help a lady up.”
“And I will when I see one.”
“Make an exception.” Vala aimed it at his middle. “At this range I can’t miss.”
“Oh all right,” Jomor tugged at the dead guy. With his foot he managed to roll him off Caldwell. Then he picked up Caldwell and tossed him like so much cabbage against a wall.
“Ouch!” Vala grimaced. “He’s with me.”
“I feel sorry for the old fart, then.”
“So Jomor,” Vala began as she carefully got up and stood out of reach. “About that little incident with the cassa, I can make good on it and triple your take without letting Beyrat know.”
“You didn’t look like you could buy your way out of that little altercation. How are you going to pay me off?”
“Well the ‘old fart’ you just tossed against a stone wall is a mark, a very rich mark. Those fellas after us felt he cheated them. Naturally, they were a bit upset,” Vala reached for her blaster as she saw movement to her left. “I think they are back with some friends. So when I say drop, hit the dirt.”
“That’s the oldest trick in the book.”
“I already have two weapons pointed at you. Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?”
“Oh.”
“Still studying for that IQ test?”
“There’s one coming up behind you.”
“Now, THAT’s the oldest trick in the book.”
“Have it your way.”
Vala heard the click of a zat opening right behind her. Then the world went black, painfully.
Many hours later, Vala regained consciousness in a cell. Moaning, she sat up as the nausea swept over her. Licking her dry lips with a parched tongue didn’t help. She reached down and felt the sticky stuff stuck to her legs. Bringing up her fingers, she uttered a snort of disgust at the dried blood. It all came back to her. Turning her head she saw Caldwell chewing on a long piece of straw impassively assessing her from the other side of the cell.
That’s when Vala realized she had to pee. Her eyes scanned the cell for the bucket. Yep, there is was in the corner. She looked over at Caldwell who had the barest glimmer of amusement in his eyes. He knew what she was thinking. She knew what he was thinking. With a shrug, holding out her hands wordlessly to say, ‘how about it?’, Vala cocked her head and grimaced. Caldwell smirked. Vala shook her head and got up to undo her tight leather costume.
“Are you going to watch the entire procedure?”
Caldwell said nothing. He continued to chew on the piece of straw and stare with a smirk.
“Fine. It’s not as though you haven’t seen it a hundred times. You have seen it a hundred times?” She struggled with the fastenings. “If you haven’t then you are in for a treat. I mean it isn’t every man who gets to see my goodies.”
Caldwell calmly regarded her.
Vala smiled ruefully as some of the lacings loosened. “I’ll have you know that the women of my world are not ashamed of their bodies the way they are on Earth.”
Caldwell sat there observing the procedure.
“Here, I can’t reach this,” she indicated the latch on the very back of the bustier which held it to the pants.
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
Caldwell really smirked.
“Glad someone is enjoying this.”
Caldwell shrugged as if to say he’d seen better.
Writhing around and wriggling, Vala got the clasp undone and managed to shuck her pants.
“That answers one question,” Caldwell snarked.
“Well I don’t. It ruins the effect. And I don’t like small bits climbing up the crack.”
“Big dry cleaning bill.”
Vala went over to the bucket and hesitated before lifting the lid.
“Just turn around or close your eyes, or something.”
Caldwell continued to stare at her, lazily chewing the piece of straw. Vala sighed heavily. Then she went about her business, wrinkling her nose. One finished, she grabbed a handful of straw to wipe. Then she tossed it out through the bars in frustration. It gave Caldwell a full view front to back. He eyed her judging the quality. Vala assessed him assessing her.
“See anything you like?”
He shrugged.
Vala sat down in the straw bare-assed. She began plucking at her garments. Caldwell watched with some interest. He checked her out thoroughly first. Well he checked her out during too. With precise movements, Vala removed the stays in her bustier. Then she removed some of the metal studs from the leather collar and straps that held up the bustier. From the pants, she removed some of the decorations and the laces. Then she reached into her hairdo, letting down her long black hair held up with two Geisha’s sticks.
Caldwell decided this was interesting. He moved over to see more closely. Their eyes met. Understanding passed between them. Two warriors recognized the other for the professionals they were.
Vala clipped together the stays in a long ‘T’ formation. Then she used the lacing to form a bow. The hair stick and some of the metal decorations formed arrows. Some of the other metal decorations that had spikes clipped on to the chain from her pants waistband. She handed the newly formed ball and chain to Caldwell who stood up to practice swinging it. Surprisingly, it had a significant heft to it. He nodded in approval. By then the crossbow was complete. Caldwell helped her pull back the bowstring and clip it to the ratchet with the arrow ready to launch.
Vala removed part of the bustier that covered her midriff and converted the cups to a bra that could be attached to the straps and collar left to hold it up. She put the pants back on, using little hidden hooks and eyes to fasten the pants.
Then she went back to work on her jacket. From the inside seam, she found the hidden sewn in pocket. From there she extracted small curved metal bits. The button on the inside pocket became the centerpiece. Other areas in the lining yielded more bits. Caldwell watched fascinated. With practiced fingers, Vala deftly assembled a Goa’uld hand ribbon.
“Nice,” Caldwell rumbled under his breath.
“Oh so now you approve.”
“I approve of… the other stuff too.” He gave a half grin.
“Yes, well, you could have looked away.”
“Humph.”
“You should have taken my advice.”
“Which was?”
“To have SG uniforms conceal things like these. I sent General Landry a memo and copied all the colonels nearly a year ago.”
“Ack.”
“What? You didn’t read it?”
Caldwell made a moue admitting the truth.
“You people should take advantage of my considerable experience.”
“I like taking advantage of experience.” He gave her a half-lidded smile. She looked at him questioningly. Vala raised an eyebrow and cocked her head considering.
“I’m shocked, really and truly shocked.”
“Oh please,” he growled in mock irritation.
“Stand back,” she raised her hand towards the cell door. Caldwell grabbed her hand and lowered it.
“You want to make them all come rushing in here?
Vala glared at him impatiently.
Caldwell sat down and unhinged the heel of his boot. Vala became curious. She leaned over to see. Caldwell took a good long look at her cleavage. Vala noticed with some irritation. Then she squatted down to watch. He withdrew a lock pick.
“McKay has been teaching me. Can you?”
“Here give me that.” She swiped the pick and set to work on the old lock. “The old ones are so simple.” She gave him a significant look. He frowned. The door swung open. “I could teach you.”
“Oh, I think I could teach you.”
“Well we’ll never know unless we get out of here.”
“Right,” Caldwell checked out her rear as she bent over looking around the corner. “So does that mean if we get out of here…what?”
“Is that all you men ever think about?”
“Yep, pretty much.”
“Me, too.”
“Uh huh.”
“You’re not what I expected.”
“I get that a lot.”
“Alright, all we have to do is get past all the guards, through the locked doors, outside, make a run for the Gate which will be watched, take out the ambush, dial and get the hell off this rock.”
“Or?”
“Or?”
“There’s always an ‘or.’ Ok, so I learned that one from O’Neill.”
“Ok, you’re the big shot Colonel. What’s your plan?”
“We try to get to the meeting.”
“How do you know this wasn’t a set up done by them? As I saw it, but no one would listen, they never do, that man wants something more than what Daniel was offering. He didn’t need you to show up.” Vala peered around a corner. “I’ve seen his type before.”
“Yes, you do get around.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Vala turned and got huffy. “I am sick and tired of people making bad jokes at my expense. It’s not as if I had a choice most of the time. I didn’t ask to be a host. She made me do things. And then I had to survive on my own no thanks to anyone. I have a wealth of experience and contacts that you should use. But no, you are too busy laughing. If you had any feelings, you would treat me with more respect.”
“I’m sorry. Can we discuss this later?”
“No.”
?
“There’s a platoon of guards walking down that corridor. We need another route.”
They turned and hustled down another corridor and found a door. Caldwell tried it and found it unlocked. They hid inside the tiny storage room while the clomping of boots passed them. It was a tight squeeze. They were pressed together face to chest.
“You go on a diet when we get home,” Vala whispered.
“I look fat?”
“You could lose a few.”
“More to love.”
“You should be so lucky,” she shifted and grunted. “As I was saying, I don’t understand why you folks don’t take me up on my offers of assistance. I can pretty much get you anything you need.”
“I need to get out of here?” Caldwell sighed, “The sooner the better?”
“What, you can’t stand me, either? That hurts. That really hurts. It’s bad enough when Daniel does it, but now you too? All you men are the same …”
“No, I mean I have to pee.”
“Well do it in here before we have to fight our way out.”
“What? I can’t like this.”
“Oh so you can watch me but it’s not ok for you to take a leak in the corner of a closet?”
“No I mean I can’t do it crammed in here like this.”
“Well, if you need some help.” She reached for his zipper.
“No! Thank you,” he removed her hand which had discovered he had other things on his mind than just escape. “Just check outside. I’ll be right there.”
“Oh, right, leave me exposed for more guards to come along.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“Just turn around and do it.”
Caldwell managed to turn and complete the task. Vala cracked the door wrinkling her nose.
“All clear.”
“Go.”
Caldwell grabbed a mop. The end was stuck on. Then he noticed cleaning solution. Caldwell looked at some jugs. He unscrewed the lids and smell. The contents were what he needed, bleach and ammonia.
“Vala, take this.” He handed her a jug to carry.
“This is no time to raid the pantry.”
“Chemicals.”
“Oh.” Vala hefted the jug, keeping her hand with the ribbon device up. Caldwell found rags which he wetted with the ammonia. “Phew, that’s awful.” Caldwell put those in his pockets.
“It will be worse when I add that stuff.” He grinned evilly. Then he doused the mop end with both. “All prepped. Let’s go.”
“They’ll smell us before they see us.”
“In which case they are close enough to get dosed with these,” Caldwell checked behind him. “Just stay as far away from it when I do it and don’t breathe in immediately. I’ve got to get their faces in it.”
“We need face masks, I take it.” Vala spun around and tore open Caldwell’s shirt. She began to rip the fabric to make masks.
“You can do that to me anytime, just hurry.”
They tied their faces with the rags and carefully marched onward.
Sure enough they ran right into a sentry post. Both sentries got a snoot full of cleaning solutions. Mixing bleach and ammonia is deadly. At the very least, someone can get very sick.
“Good job,” Vala said to Caldwell.
“Good to know you what a mop is for.”
“Yes, I really know how to clean up.”
She peered around a corner. The way was free and they ran for it. Once outside, they crept along several alleys until they were within sight of the Stargate in the main square. Of course it was patrolled.
“I see two up on a roof,” Vala pointed to a building nearly across the square. Caldwell nodded. He threw himself across the alley for an opposite view. With hand signals, he indicated they should withdraw.
“So now what?”
“Cover me. I’ll dial while you blast them with that thing,” he indicated the hand ribbon device.”
“Wouldn’t it be better to sneak up on one of them and then blast one take his weapon and then, we’d have a better chance picking them off one by one?”
“We could, but,” Caldwell started but Vala was already climbing up a drainpipe to get on a roof to make her play. A few minutes later a body and a blaster fell at his feet. He looked up in surprise. Vala poked her head over the edge long enough to tell him to hide the body.
Caldwell stuffed the body in a niche in a narrow alley. He made it look as if the man were drunk and passed out with an empty bottle in his hand. Then he went back to the last position. She wasn’t there. So he peered out at the square and saw her creeping up on another man on a roof on the side of the square.
One flash of light and the man went down. Vala took his blaster. Caldwell signaled he saw her. She pointed at the men around the corner from Caldwell. He nodded. She lay flat on the roof ready to take out the ones nearest to her. Once Vala began her assault, Caldwell figured the others had their attention turned toward Vala. So he strode up behind and let them have it. It was a simple matter to take out the remaining one. Vala scrambled down while Caldwell dialed the Gate. The kawoosh formed. Caldwell looked at Vala approaching. He motioned for her to go through. Instead she ran up, grabbed him, and gave him a big wet one and a wink. Then she half-turned and ran to the Gate Steps, just before entering she gave him a last smile. He managed one back before he ran for cover to get the rest of the team. Vala would go for help.
He smiled and knew it had been a good day.
SG1/SGA Crossover Love
Title: Coming To Terms
By StargateBabe
Summary: Vala and Caldwell come to terms in a tight situation.
Gen/Het
Category: Humor/Adventure/Crossover
Pairings: Vala/Caldwell
Season: Ten
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 3,433
DISCLAIMER: "Stargate SG-1" and “Stargate Atlantis: and their characters are the property of Sony Pictures: MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp., Showtime/Viacom and USA Networks, Inc. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are the property of the author(s), and may not be republished or archived elsewhere without the author's permission.
“You said they would be here!” Colonel Steven Caldwell fumed at Vala Mal Doran.
“And they will be, I think.” She looked around the corner of the building. “Just keep your shirt on.”
“Remind me again why I’m here…with YOU?”
“Because you wanted more than the shipment of naquadah, remember?”
“Right,” Caldwell snarled.
This op had gone wrong from the get go. He was supposed to meet with the new leader of this world. The guy had demanded the representatives bring someone worthy of meeting with the head of a whole planet. Stargate Command sent Caldwell mostly because he whined so much. He was sick of hanging around between trips to Atlantis. Anyway, the Daedalus was in for repairs.
Daniel sent Vala to the Stargate to meet the Colonel and his escort. While walking through the streets of the village, the group came under attack. Vala and Caldwell with three of his guards made it behind some piled containers. The others were taken out with a Goa’uld hand grenade which temporarily stuns and blinds the victims. The three guards with Caldwell radioed for help. One by one they got picked off. Vala’s former business partners and the Lucien Alliance converged on their position.
“This meeting was supposed to be secure. What about the part where you were supposed to have set this up already?”
“I did, only there was this tiny little snag.”
“So it would seem,” Caldwell saw the traders running down the street with their weapons drawn. “Did the snag include THEM?” He tapped her shoulder to point at the new gaggle of bad guys.
“Noooooo, it did not. RUN!”
Caldwell unleashed a barrage of bullets at the oncoming pursuers, while Vala skidded and rolled behind some barrels across the street. She turned on the first set of attackers with her blaster. One man was grazed by the shot and fell backwards, rolling for cover. The other took a flying leap at Vala only to get himself mowed down by Caldwell’s P-90.
“Thank you!”
“Move!”
Caldwell let loose again on the second group noticing that more people were coming, attracted by the weapons fire. He got up and ran for her position, stumbling and falling on her.
“It’s not as though I would mind this normally, but now is not the time!”
“Oooh, I’m so gonna kick your ass as soon as…” he caught a movement out of the corner of his eye. Reflexively, he unsheathed his knife and rolled just as the attacker made their position. The man got his throat cut by one very angry former Spec Ops soldier.
“Oh, yuck, did you have to make him spurt blood all over me? This is a new outfit. It cost a pretty…” Vala lifted her blaster in time to take out one of the second group who had made it level with the barrels. “I don’t want to complain but get OFF of me.” She slapped him with her hands.
“Gaaa! He weighs a ton!”
“Well, he weighs less now that he lost a few pounds of bodily fluids. He better not have let go his sphincter on my shoes. These boots can not be replaced.”
“I’m going as fast as I can.”
“Well go faster.” She reached into Caldwell’s flak jacket and took the zat. With it she accidentally shot the dead guy and Caldwell who groaned in the jerky dance. “Oh crap.”
Luckily the last of the pursuers decided to go back for reinforcements. Vala used her feet as leverage to try to kick both of the men off of her. They each weighed over 200 pounds, crushing her small frame to the ground with only her head and arms free.
“When you wake up, I am putting YOU on a diet.” She laid back exhausted giving Caldwell a slap upside the head for good measure.
“Always down in the gutter, I see, Vala,” a rugged craggy faced man leaned over.
“Jomor, you ugly excuse for a sack of varg bait, good to see you too.”
“A few of your customers get too anxious? Or did they get what you are giving out these days to the unsuspecting?”
“Not half as much as you’re going to get when I get up.”
“In that case, I’ll leave you here and call Beyrat. He seems to think you still owe him from the Cassa deal. He’s not happy. He’s not even as happy as these two. But I’m sure he’ll be willing to take it out in trade and THEN kill you.”
“He might if you could tell him. If you had the intelligence of a doorknob you would know that I have a zat pointed right at your ankles.” She saw the surprise as she tapped his ankle with the zat. “I think you should offer to help a lady up.”
“And I will when I see one.”
“Make an exception.” Vala aimed it at his middle. “At this range I can’t miss.”
“Oh all right,” Jomor tugged at the dead guy. With his foot he managed to roll him off Caldwell. Then he picked up Caldwell and tossed him like so much cabbage against a wall.
“Ouch!” Vala grimaced. “He’s with me.”
“I feel sorry for the old fart, then.”
“So Jomor,” Vala began as she carefully got up and stood out of reach. “About that little incident with the cassa, I can make good on it and triple your take without letting Beyrat know.”
“You didn’t look like you could buy your way out of that little altercation. How are you going to pay me off?”
“Well the ‘old fart’ you just tossed against a stone wall is a mark, a very rich mark. Those fellas after us felt he cheated them. Naturally, they were a bit upset,” Vala reached for her blaster as she saw movement to her left. “I think they are back with some friends. So when I say drop, hit the dirt.”
“That’s the oldest trick in the book.”
“I already have two weapons pointed at you. Why would I say it if I didn’t mean it?”
“Oh.”
“Still studying for that IQ test?”
“There’s one coming up behind you.”
“Now, THAT’s the oldest trick in the book.”
“Have it your way.”
Vala heard the click of a zat opening right behind her. Then the world went black, painfully.
Many hours later, Vala regained consciousness in a cell. Moaning, she sat up as the nausea swept over her. Licking her dry lips with a parched tongue didn’t help. She reached down and felt the sticky stuff stuck to her legs. Bringing up her fingers, she uttered a snort of disgust at the dried blood. It all came back to her. Turning her head she saw Caldwell chewing on a long piece of straw impassively assessing her from the other side of the cell.
That’s when Vala realized she had to pee. Her eyes scanned the cell for the bucket. Yep, there is was in the corner. She looked over at Caldwell who had the barest glimmer of amusement in his eyes. He knew what she was thinking. She knew what he was thinking. With a shrug, holding out her hands wordlessly to say, ‘how about it?’, Vala cocked her head and grimaced. Caldwell smirked. Vala shook her head and got up to undo her tight leather costume.
“Are you going to watch the entire procedure?”
Caldwell said nothing. He continued to chew on the piece of straw and stare with a smirk.
“Fine. It’s not as though you haven’t seen it a hundred times. You have seen it a hundred times?” She struggled with the fastenings. “If you haven’t then you are in for a treat. I mean it isn’t every man who gets to see my goodies.”
Caldwell calmly regarded her.
Vala smiled ruefully as some of the lacings loosened. “I’ll have you know that the women of my world are not ashamed of their bodies the way they are on Earth.”
Caldwell sat there observing the procedure.
“Here, I can’t reach this,” she indicated the latch on the very back of the bustier which held it to the pants.
“Nope.”
“Why not?”
Caldwell really smirked.
“Glad someone is enjoying this.”
Caldwell shrugged as if to say he’d seen better.
Writhing around and wriggling, Vala got the clasp undone and managed to shuck her pants.
“That answers one question,” Caldwell snarked.
“Well I don’t. It ruins the effect. And I don’t like small bits climbing up the crack.”
“Big dry cleaning bill.”
Vala went over to the bucket and hesitated before lifting the lid.
“Just turn around or close your eyes, or something.”
Caldwell continued to stare at her, lazily chewing the piece of straw. Vala sighed heavily. Then she went about her business, wrinkling her nose. One finished, she grabbed a handful of straw to wipe. Then she tossed it out through the bars in frustration. It gave Caldwell a full view front to back. He eyed her judging the quality. Vala assessed him assessing her.
“See anything you like?”
He shrugged.
Vala sat down in the straw bare-assed. She began plucking at her garments. Caldwell watched with some interest. He checked her out thoroughly first. Well he checked her out during too. With precise movements, Vala removed the stays in her bustier. Then she removed some of the metal studs from the leather collar and straps that held up the bustier. From the pants, she removed some of the decorations and the laces. Then she reached into her hairdo, letting down her long black hair held up with two Geisha’s sticks.
Caldwell decided this was interesting. He moved over to see more closely. Their eyes met. Understanding passed between them. Two warriors recognized the other for the professionals they were.
Vala clipped together the stays in a long ‘T’ formation. Then she used the lacing to form a bow. The hair stick and some of the metal decorations formed arrows. Some of the other metal decorations that had spikes clipped on to the chain from her pants waistband. She handed the newly formed ball and chain to Caldwell who stood up to practice swinging it. Surprisingly, it had a significant heft to it. He nodded in approval. By then the crossbow was complete. Caldwell helped her pull back the bowstring and clip it to the ratchet with the arrow ready to launch.
Vala removed part of the bustier that covered her midriff and converted the cups to a bra that could be attached to the straps and collar left to hold it up. She put the pants back on, using little hidden hooks and eyes to fasten the pants.
Then she went back to work on her jacket. From the inside seam, she found the hidden sewn in pocket. From there she extracted small curved metal bits. The button on the inside pocket became the centerpiece. Other areas in the lining yielded more bits. Caldwell watched fascinated. With practiced fingers, Vala deftly assembled a Goa’uld hand ribbon.
“Nice,” Caldwell rumbled under his breath.
“Oh so now you approve.”
“I approve of… the other stuff too.” He gave a half grin.
“Yes, well, you could have looked away.”
“Humph.”
“You should have taken my advice.”
“Which was?”
“To have SG uniforms conceal things like these. I sent General Landry a memo and copied all the colonels nearly a year ago.”
“Ack.”
“What? You didn’t read it?”
Caldwell made a moue admitting the truth.
“You people should take advantage of my considerable experience.”
“I like taking advantage of experience.” He gave her a half-lidded smile. She looked at him questioningly. Vala raised an eyebrow and cocked her head considering.
“I’m shocked, really and truly shocked.”
“Oh please,” he growled in mock irritation.
“Stand back,” she raised her hand towards the cell door. Caldwell grabbed her hand and lowered it.
“You want to make them all come rushing in here?
Vala glared at him impatiently.
Caldwell sat down and unhinged the heel of his boot. Vala became curious. She leaned over to see. Caldwell took a good long look at her cleavage. Vala noticed with some irritation. Then she squatted down to watch. He withdrew a lock pick.
“McKay has been teaching me. Can you?”
“Here give me that.” She swiped the pick and set to work on the old lock. “The old ones are so simple.” She gave him a significant look. He frowned. The door swung open. “I could teach you.”
“Oh, I think I could teach you.”
“Well we’ll never know unless we get out of here.”
“Right,” Caldwell checked out her rear as she bent over looking around the corner. “So does that mean if we get out of here…what?”
“Is that all you men ever think about?”
“Yep, pretty much.”
“Me, too.”
“Uh huh.”
“You’re not what I expected.”
“I get that a lot.”
“Alright, all we have to do is get past all the guards, through the locked doors, outside, make a run for the Gate which will be watched, take out the ambush, dial and get the hell off this rock.”
“Or?”
“Or?”
“There’s always an ‘or.’ Ok, so I learned that one from O’Neill.”
“Ok, you’re the big shot Colonel. What’s your plan?”
“We try to get to the meeting.”
“How do you know this wasn’t a set up done by them? As I saw it, but no one would listen, they never do, that man wants something more than what Daniel was offering. He didn’t need you to show up.” Vala peered around a corner. “I’ve seen his type before.”
“Yes, you do get around.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Vala turned and got huffy. “I am sick and tired of people making bad jokes at my expense. It’s not as if I had a choice most of the time. I didn’t ask to be a host. She made me do things. And then I had to survive on my own no thanks to anyone. I have a wealth of experience and contacts that you should use. But no, you are too busy laughing. If you had any feelings, you would treat me with more respect.”
“I’m sorry. Can we discuss this later?”
“No.”
?
“There’s a platoon of guards walking down that corridor. We need another route.”
They turned and hustled down another corridor and found a door. Caldwell tried it and found it unlocked. They hid inside the tiny storage room while the clomping of boots passed them. It was a tight squeeze. They were pressed together face to chest.
“You go on a diet when we get home,” Vala whispered.
“I look fat?”
“You could lose a few.”
“More to love.”
“You should be so lucky,” she shifted and grunted. “As I was saying, I don’t understand why you folks don’t take me up on my offers of assistance. I can pretty much get you anything you need.”
“I need to get out of here?” Caldwell sighed, “The sooner the better?”
“What, you can’t stand me, either? That hurts. That really hurts. It’s bad enough when Daniel does it, but now you too? All you men are the same …”
“No, I mean I have to pee.”
“Well do it in here before we have to fight our way out.”
“What? I can’t like this.”
“Oh so you can watch me but it’s not ok for you to take a leak in the corner of a closet?”
“No I mean I can’t do it crammed in here like this.”
“Well, if you need some help.” She reached for his zipper.
“No! Thank you,” he removed her hand which had discovered he had other things on his mind than just escape. “Just check outside. I’ll be right there.”
“Oh, right, leave me exposed for more guards to come along.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“Just turn around and do it.”
Caldwell managed to turn and complete the task. Vala cracked the door wrinkling her nose.
“All clear.”
“Go.”
Caldwell grabbed a mop. The end was stuck on. Then he noticed cleaning solution. Caldwell looked at some jugs. He unscrewed the lids and smell. The contents were what he needed, bleach and ammonia.
“Vala, take this.” He handed her a jug to carry.
“This is no time to raid the pantry.”
“Chemicals.”
“Oh.” Vala hefted the jug, keeping her hand with the ribbon device up. Caldwell found rags which he wetted with the ammonia. “Phew, that’s awful.” Caldwell put those in his pockets.
“It will be worse when I add that stuff.” He grinned evilly. Then he doused the mop end with both. “All prepped. Let’s go.”
“They’ll smell us before they see us.”
“In which case they are close enough to get dosed with these,” Caldwell checked behind him. “Just stay as far away from it when I do it and don’t breathe in immediately. I’ve got to get their faces in it.”
“We need face masks, I take it.” Vala spun around and tore open Caldwell’s shirt. She began to rip the fabric to make masks.
“You can do that to me anytime, just hurry.”
They tied their faces with the rags and carefully marched onward.
Sure enough they ran right into a sentry post. Both sentries got a snoot full of cleaning solutions. Mixing bleach and ammonia is deadly. At the very least, someone can get very sick.
“Good job,” Vala said to Caldwell.
“Good to know you what a mop is for.”
“Yes, I really know how to clean up.”
She peered around a corner. The way was free and they ran for it. Once outside, they crept along several alleys until they were within sight of the Stargate in the main square. Of course it was patrolled.
“I see two up on a roof,” Vala pointed to a building nearly across the square. Caldwell nodded. He threw himself across the alley for an opposite view. With hand signals, he indicated they should withdraw.
“So now what?”
“Cover me. I’ll dial while you blast them with that thing,” he indicated the hand ribbon device.”
“Wouldn’t it be better to sneak up on one of them and then blast one take his weapon and then, we’d have a better chance picking them off one by one?”
“We could, but,” Caldwell started but Vala was already climbing up a drainpipe to get on a roof to make her play. A few minutes later a body and a blaster fell at his feet. He looked up in surprise. Vala poked her head over the edge long enough to tell him to hide the body.
Caldwell stuffed the body in a niche in a narrow alley. He made it look as if the man were drunk and passed out with an empty bottle in his hand. Then he went back to the last position. She wasn’t there. So he peered out at the square and saw her creeping up on another man on a roof on the side of the square.
One flash of light and the man went down. Vala took his blaster. Caldwell signaled he saw her. She pointed at the men around the corner from Caldwell. He nodded. She lay flat on the roof ready to take out the ones nearest to her. Once Vala began her assault, Caldwell figured the others had their attention turned toward Vala. So he strode up behind and let them have it. It was a simple matter to take out the remaining one. Vala scrambled down while Caldwell dialed the Gate. The kawoosh formed. Caldwell looked at Vala approaching. He motioned for her to go through. Instead she ran up, grabbed him, and gave him a big wet one and a wink. Then she half-turned and ran to the Gate Steps, just before entering she gave him a last smile. He managed one back before he ran for cover to get the rest of the team. Vala would go for help.
He smiled and knew it had been a good day.