Fic: Patience (1/1)
And we're back. ;) Some of our delay in posting has been because Miera and I have been finishing the AU. (Although we're not done editing. We're never done editing.) Following tonight's post, we will have two more stories to share with you. So we're not quite at the end yet, but for my part, I'd like to thank all of you for reading, and the three amazing writers, angelqueen04, miera_c, and sache8, who have joined me on this crazy adventure.
I think I speak for all involved that we hope you enjoy the final three stories of stargate_ren. :)
Title: Patience
Authors: miera_c and melyanna
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Three months into their marriage, Cameron and Carolyn find their endurance tested, for different reasons.
Spring had always been a busy season for Cameron. Even though he had spent a good portion of his life as the presumptive heir of the Marquis of Sheppard, he had usually passed his springs with the shepherds and their flocks. During lambing season, the herdsmen needed all the help they could find. He would hardly complain about finding himself lying on a comfortable bed in his own bedchamber, far from the nearest flock of sheep, but it was odd after so many years of a rougher life and simpler habits.
Yet his work in Redwater was not so unfamiliar as he might have expected. As his uncle's heir, he had spent a good deal of time mediating disputes that were not great enough to warrant the attention of the marquis. The king was using him now in a similar way, but Cameron found himself listening to the arguments of people who, before his marriage, had far outranked him.
Though he believed he carried himself tolerably well in his work, he knew that his ignorance of the court made him vulnerable. A number of lords were circling, trying to build a relationship with him, and he did not know to what ends. In these matters, as in many others, he turned to Carolyn for her help. She knew these men and could warn him which ones were looking for personal gain.
In that respect, she had been exactly what he expected. She was level-headed and quick-thinking at the same time, which was extraordinarily useful to him. She shared her observations with him and her advice was always excellent. He could not have asked for a better guide in navigating the court. The only trouble was that an advisor was not the only thing he'd hoped to gain when he married her.
They were still getting to know each other. Her natural reserve held her back from the kind of openness Cameron would prefer. In turn, he was not sure whether she would welcome such candidness from him, so he held himself in check much of the time. He feared pushing her for more intimacy than she was willing to give him, but patience was difficult to exercise. The more he saw of his wife, the more he wanted of her.
He kept waiting, watching, hoping for a sign from her, some indication of what she wanted, but Carolyn was perhaps too much in the habit of in concealing her feelings for Cameron to determine what she wanted him to do, if anything. So he proceeded slowly, attempting to rein in his feelings while he worried quietly that they would never be fully returned.
Though it was early, a knock on the door interrupted his musing. He groaned and got up, dressing himself hastily before opening the door. "Pardon me, Highness," Walter Harriman said, nodding. "The king asks to speak with you."
Cameron nodded. "I will be there directly."
His valet arrived shortly thereafter and before long Cameron was ready to appear before the king. Though Cameron had a more casual relationship with the man than nearly anyone else in the country, his father-in-law was still the king, and meeting him required certain decorum. It was both strange and sobering to Cameron to think that people meeting with him were also required to follow protocols, and might worry over appearances as much as he sometimes did.
Carolyn was already there when he arrived, and he kissed her hand and quietly greeted her. The king looked at them oddly but went about his purpose, holding up a letter. "I have had word from Lord Stephen's steward," he said. "There has been some trouble with the families we resettled from Makepeace in the fall."
Cameron frowned. "It's been six months," he said. "What problem would arise now?"
"It's planting season," Carolyn said quietly. "I would assume that either agreements from last year are not being honored, or agreements were never reached."
Landry nodded. "He asks for assistance from the crown. Caldwell does not intend to return to Caldora until after Queen Elizabeth's wedding, and this matter cannot wait so long. Cameron, I thought I would send you. Dixon has his hands full here with Maybourne, and you have some experience in these matters."
None of it good, he wanted to reply, but he agreed to the scheme. It would be good to get out of the palace and Redwater for a few days. Carolyn would take over his duties in the court in his absence, something he knew she was more than capable of.
As Carolyn left, the king stayed him. "I have meant to ask you for a little while now," Landry said. "Is everything all right between you and Carolyn?"
That made Cameron uneasy. What manner of rumor had prompted that question? "Why would you ask?"
Henry held up a hand. "I am not trying to insinuate anything, Cameron. I do not want to pry, but you are my daughter's husband. I just want to know that the two of you are getting along. It cannot be easy, spending these first days of your marriage on display to the entire court."
Cameron could agree with that. "We are doing well, my lord." He wasn't sure how true that was, but he wasn't sure what else to say either.
The king looked unconvinced, but he let the subject drop. "You and I should meet again tonight to make sure all is in order for your journey."
"Yes, my lord," Cameron replied. The king turned back to the papers on his desk, but Cameron decided to ask one more question. "Is there someone in the court I might speak to about this trip?"
Henry paused for a moment, clearly thinking. "Speak to Lord Davis. I don't know that he's ever been to Icaria, but he seems to know a little about everything."
Cameron nodded and took his leave. Someone who knew a little about everything would be extremely useful to him right now, because most days he felt that he knew nothing about many things.
Carolyn joined her husband at luncheon, and they spent most of the meal talking of either their morning activities or his trip to Icaria. Cameron was more businesslike than usual, and Carolyn wondered at it. Perhaps he was simply nervous about being sent out by the king.
During the afternoon she saw little of him, as he was preparing for the trip. At the end of the day, they and Lord Davis dined with her father, who had many questions to ask about Cameron's readiness.
It had been decided that the earl would accompany Cameron, and after supper they spent a long while talking with the king about how the men would handle the problems likely to arise. Cameron was nervous, she realized, although Carolyn was not sure anyone else in the room saw what she did. He leaned forward as he sat, his hands tightly clasped as though to keep from fidgeting.
By the time they were done, the hour had grown quite late, and Carolyn took her husband's arm as they walked toward the royal apartments. "You will do well, I am sure, Cameron," she said quietly, once they were out of earshot of all but their guards. "You have a good sense of how to deal with people even at their most intractable."
He pretended to consider that. "Well, shepherds are stubborn folk."
Carolyn smiled. They ambled down their corridor slowly, as if they were reluctant to reach their destination. She was not looking forward to his absence much. She had grown used to spending much of her day in his company. When they did come to her door, she expected he would come inside with her, and had been anticipating it for much of the evening. Instead, he kissed her and said, "Good night, Carolyn."
Her reply was automatic and almost dull. Considerably confused, she parted from him, stepping into her own chambers. Inside, she leaned against the closed door and listened to her husband's retreating footsteps. She was bewildered at his departure. After all, he would be away for some days.
Her maid was in the bedchamber, and there she went to change for bed. While she listened to the girl's chatter about the day and various gossip, Carolyn pondered what had just happened. She had been so startled that he did not ask for permission to come in that she forgot that she could just as easily issue an invitation. She rather doubted that Cameron would have rejected it or thought ill of her for it, but he had always been the one to ask before. Now he would be getting ready for bed himself, and perhaps he had stayed away because he wanted to be more rested for the journey on the morrow.
Some color rose in her cheeks as she thought of that, but fortunately her maid did not notice. Cameron usually looked rather bleary-eyed on the mornings after they had been together.
She had already decided to see her husband off the next day. He and his company were setting off just after sunrise, and she had to rise early and hurry to meet him. He seemed somewhat surprised to see her when she appeared at the top of the steps that led down to the stables, but he also looked pleased. He finished giving instructions to his companions before heading back up the stairs to her. "Are you all right?" he asked lowly.
"I am fine, Cameron."
He nodded, though he also frowned slightly. "I need not give you any instructions, of course," he said. "I will be back as soon as I can. Hopefully it will all be resolved in a few days."
"I will not hold my breath," she replied, smiling slightly.
That made him chuckle, and he took one more step up the stairs. That brought him almost but not quite up to her level. "Neither will I," he said playfully. Then he stretched up a little to kiss her. She could not recall if he had kissed her in front of this many people since their wedding day, which seemed strange now that she thought of it.
Cameron drew back from the kiss reluctantly, and Carolyn met his gaze. "Remember, Cameron, you will be dealing with people's ancestral lands," she said quietly. "Do not expect them to be rational."
He lifted her hand to his lips. "I will bear it in mind, my lady."
She pushed aside a moment of annoyance at his deference to her and turned toward Davis, who was waiting discreetly at the foot of the stairs. "Keep my husband out of trouble, Lord Davis," she said, raising her voice. Cameron glared at her halfheartedly but followed her down the stairs. "I am afraid I do not trust the prince to do that himself."
Davis smiled. "I will do the best I can, Princess."
"I suppose that is all I can ask."
Cameron kissed her hand again before he and his men mounted their horses and set off. Carolyn waited until they were out of sight, and she felt a great restlessness at her husband's leaving.
She had work to do, of course. Now she had Cameron's duties as well as her own, and soon there was something to distract her from his absence. More than once in the day, some nobleman expressed surprise at finding himself dealing with her. As the day wore on, she found it more and more irritating.
"It was only a year ago that Father left me here as his regent!" she said angrily that evening, amid her pacing in Lady Juliana's chambers. "Before the winter solstice, no one in the court questioned my abilities. Now I am little more than an ornament in their eyes, or worse, just the royal child-bearer."
"My lady," Juliana chided slightly. "Surely you do not regret marrying?"
"It is not as though I had a choice." Juliana was visibly startled by the bitterness in Carolyn's voice, so Carolyn sat down beside her and blew out a long breath, reining in her temper. "I do not regret marrying Cameron. He has been everything I could hope for in this regard. He always seeks my opinion, and usually heeds my advice."
Juliana waited a few moments before asking her next question. "And in other regards?"
Carolyn hesitated and looked away. "He is attentive and affectionate and always gentle with me."
"Many women are not so lucky," her friend pointed out kindly.
"I know, but I cannot compel what is not there," Carolyn replied. "If it were at all possible I would have done so by now." She had thought once that his affection for her would make the marriage easier, but instead it upset the playing field. Although he was circumspect, it was impossible not to see the longing in his expression when he looked at her. She cared for him, of course, but she had felt that way before the wedding and she could not see that her feelings had altered since they were married. Though she felt little reluctance over sharing a bed with him and she enjoyed his company, it was starting to hurt when he told her that he loved her. She could not truthfully say it in return, and he deserved more than this.
Juliana reached for her hand. "Carolyn." That caught Carolyn's attention, for while they were good friends, Juliana almost never addressed her by her name. "The court will remember your skills and talents. And perhaps you should talk to your husband about this."
"How do I tell him that I still do not love him as he loves me?" Carolyn asked, almost plaintively.
"That is not what I meant. He needs to understand you are frustrated with how you are being treated in the court. I am not certain what he could do about it, but he should know."
Carolyn shook her head. "I do not know if I could add to his burden so."
Juliana narrowed her eyes. "Do you feel guilty, Princess?"
"What?" Carolyn asked, startled.
"He would not bear such a burden if you had not persuaded him to marry you."
"Juliana," she said, shaking her head.
Juliana sighed but did not press the issue further. "At least he will be back in a few days. And then it will not be long before you depart for Atlantis."
Carolyn stiffened at the mention of the queen's wedding, and Juliana noticed. "What now?" she asked tiredly.
Her friend's reaction made her smile. "It is nothing, truly. He has not asked me to accompany him to his cousin's wedding."
"Do you want to go?" Juliana asked.
"I do," Carolyn replied. "I would like to meet Queen Elizabeth, and I have discovered that marriage has somewhat hampered my freedom to travel as I did before."
"There will be no more dashing off to chase after suitors, to be sure," Juliana teased gently.
Carolyn smiled in spite of herself, then sighed again. "It would be nice to get away from Redwater for a time."
After a moment, Juliana said, "I will give you the same advice as before, my lady. Talk to him."
Carolyn nodded heavily and resolutely moved the conversation to subjects that involved neither herself nor her husband.
Icaria, Cameron soon learned, was hot.
Lord Davis had warned him of this. Not long after they crossed into the province, the land seemed to sink before their eyes, dropping into valleys which had been terraced over time by rice farmers. Cameron had heard of the beauty of this region, and he immediately understood, but it was too warm and unpleasant and there were insects everywhere. The first day, he tried riding without his heavy tunic, but that allowed the insects to bite him through his thinner linen shirt. He had a number of bites on his arms and chest by the end of the day. After that he suffered through the heat, for it would not do to have the prince arrive on the king's business covered with welts that itched badly.
At least he was prepared for the work, mostly. His role in encouraging John to cede part of Sheppard to the Sodan was not widely known, but according to Caldwell's steward, Cameron's appearance cooled a number of tempers before he even got to work. Always in the forefront of his mind was Carolyn's advice. Giving up land could not be easy, and he had to respect what the people of Icaria were being asked to give up before they would respect his rulings.
It took the better part of a week to resolve matters enough that the steward felt comfortable again. The night before they intended to depart from Icaria, Cameron and Davis sat before the empty fireplace in Cameron's chambers, cleaning their boots. They'd spent the afternoon tramping through a muddy field. "I suppose I should have asked if I could do that for you," Davis said, breaking the comfortable silence.
Cameron shook his head, chuckling. "A man ought to take responsibility for his own boots, no matter his rank."
Lord Davis smiled. "That he should." They were quiet for a little while, until the earl spoke again. "Well, I believe I have fulfilled your wife's request and kept you out of trouble. For now, at least."
Cameron rolled his eyes, though he smiled slightly. "Carolyn worries too much."
"I cannot speak from experience, my lord, but it seems natural for a wife to worry about her husband," Davis replied, putting his boots down.
That drew a sigh from Cameron. The days of riding to Icaria had given the men ample time to converse. Davis was the king's trusted ally, and Cameron had found himself learning a great deal simply by listening and asking questions. Yet Davis had not taken that as a sign that he was at liberty to give his opinion on matters as personal as Cameron's marriage. In fact, Davis was one of the few in the court who had yet to offer marital advice to Cameron, or - as had begun to happen - remark on when a child would be born to the royal couple. It was perhaps the other man's silence on such subjects which prompted Cameron to speak. "I do not often know what to expect of her, or what ought to be natural," he confessed, paying attention to the toe of one boot rather than meet the other man's gaze. "We know so little of each other."
"At least you spent some time together away from court."
Cameron thought of the first time he had kissed Carolyn. He would never have had such boldness in Redwater. Not for the first time he wished they could have spent these first few months in Sheppard instead of in court, where he felt they were too much in public. "That is true."
Davis was watching him keenly. "But?" he prompted.
Cameron glanced at him for a moment. "I imagine it is never simple, trying to court your own wife, but Redwater makes things more complicated."
The silence that followed grew awkward, as the earl's face betrayed his confusion. "Forgive me, Highness," he said, when he realized he was staring.
"What is it?" Cameron asked anyway.
Davis looked embarrassed. "I was only thinking of seeing you with her in Cheyenne last year," he replied. "The way she looked at you while you were dancing - Forgive me for my boldness, my lord. I have known the princess for several years, and I had never seen her look at a man the way she looked at you that night. I cannot imagine that she feels nothing for you."
Cameron set his boots aside haphazardly and leaned back on his hands. He remembered his parents being very fond of each other's company, and his aunt and uncle had loved each other dearly. "Perhaps it is selfish of me, Davis, but I want my wife to feel more than esteem, to act out of more than duty."
Davis nodded as he understood. "Then why marry her, if you did not believe she cared about you more than that?"
"Because I love her," Cameron replied quietly. "Enough to take on all the responsibilities such a marriage entails." Then, after a moment he added wryly, "And because she asked me."
Davis laughed outright. "Of course she did."
They set off the next morning but the trip back to Redwater was even longer than the journey out to Icaria. They were beset by bad weather that left the countryside muddy and hard to traverse. Cameron thought once or twice that at least the rain kept the insects at bay, but that was small consolation. The day they saw the great fortress of Redwater looming on the horizon, they all picked up the pace, hastening homeward.
The sun was long gone before they arrived and came into the palace. Cameron sent his horse away to a groomsman's care and ascended the steps. It was late. Carolyn would already be abed. He ought to retire to his own chambers for the night, but he did not want to.
Davis joined him on the stairs. "Your Highness, if you wish, I will report to the king," the other man offered.
Cameron laughed and shook his head, wondering how obvious his thoughts were. "Be gone, sir."
Paul nodded and left. Cameron went to his own chambers and threw off his traveling cloak, sorely tempted to collapse into bed and try to sleep. It had been a long week. But it had also been more than a week since he last saw his wife, and the desire to be with her again won out over weariness and caution.
She did not answer his knock, which did not surprise him. Not stopping to consider his actions, Cameron came inside anyway. In the bright moonlight streaming into the room, he could see Carolyn asleep in her bed, and for a moment he merely looked at her. Being here without an explicit invitation was reckless, and that along with the sight of her made his pulse quicken.
After a few moments, he shook himself and stripped down to his trousers before turning his attention back to his wife's bed. She was still sleeping. Cameron felt a little guilty about waking her, but he could imagine the fright she would get if she woke up in bed with someone after going to bed alone.
Gently, he shook her shoulder, trying to rouse her. It did not take much. She stiffened and did not turn to see him. "Cameron?" she asked, clearly alarmed.
"Yes, it's me," he said lowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
Carolyn turned over and looked relieved to see him there. Cameron was glad that the moon was full and bright and she could see him clearly. "When did you return?"
"Only a few minutes ago," he replied, before kissing her arm, just below the end of her short sleeve. It was easier to be direct with her here in the moonlight, and his words came out more intensely than he expected. "I missed you."
She reached to touch his face, and he knew sleep could wait. He leaned down and kissed her urgently. Carolyn did not object, but her response was slower than usual. Still, he coaxed her to deepen the kiss, moaning when her hands moved down his back. In between fierce kisses, he tugged at their clothing just enough to bury himself inside of her.
The encounter did not last as long as he would have liked, but he had been away from her for days and days, and his impatience was too much for his self-control. Cameron looked at Carolyn nervously as he lay panting beside her, and he saw an expression on her face he could not discern. His wakefulness was spent, though, and he fell asleep before he could ask if something was amiss.
Sometime later, he awoke to hear a knock at the door. After a moment, he pulled himself out of bed and got his trousers back on. Paul Davis was on the other side of the door, looking exhausted. "Forgive me, your Highness," he said. "The king has just had word from Cheyenne. There's been an accident."
Cameron scrubbed a hand over his face. "Give me a moment."
"Yes, my lord," Davis said with a nod.
Cameron shut the door again and found his tunic and boots. While he was getting dressed again, Carolyn roused. "Cameron?" she said groggily.
He came and sat beside her on the bed and brushed her hair back from her face tenderly. "Your father sent for me. Something has happened in Cheyenne," he told her. "I am not sure what I can do now, but I need to hear the details."
She nodded, but said nothing. Cameron leaned in to kiss her briefly. "I will be back."
There was nothing he could possibly do about the trouble in Cheyenne at this hour, but he appreciated that the king had included him in the conversation about what would be done. Some considerable time had passed before he was released from the audience, however. Carolyn would surely be asleep again, and knowing how easily she had woken before, he did not wish to rouse her another time this night.
Despite what he had told her, he went to his own chambers and slept fitfully.
Cameron's absence had been more difficult than Carolyn had expected. It was not that the work he left her was overwhelming. Even if it had been, her father would have gladly helped her. No, it was simply that her husband was gone. Somehow, in a year, he had gone from a name she knew from reports and her father's concerns about the province of Sheppard to a man who belonged with her, whose absence left her with a longing she had never felt before now.
She had kept her hands busy while he was away, but he was never far from her thoughts, and it was odd how the smallest things reminded her of him. They had taken vows on their wedding day which bound them as spouses, but until he was gone, she had not realized how much he had woven himself into her life. She'd grown used to his presence, and to be deprived of it left her uncomfortable. It made sense, she supposed, given how few friends she had in the court. Cameron was one of the few people to whom she could speak honestly, and she'd grown used to the comfort that gave her.
In her heart, Carolyn admitted she missed him most at night, and that was less about comfort than about her body's desires. More than once she cursed herself for not urging him to stay with her the night before he left.
When he did come back, it seemed like a dream, waking in the middle of the night to find him standing there undressed. But his lips brushed against her skin and she touched his handsome, tired face and knew it was real. Desire had risen quickly, but Cameron had understood. His eagerness told her she was not the only one who had felt their separation keenly. Though she had been very tired, she had enjoyed his company and his obvious hunger for her.
And yet, more gratifying than that had been seeing him fall asleep in her bed. For a long time, she sat up and watched him sleep, examining the body she rarely got a chance to simply observe like this. His face looked almost boyish in sleep. He could be stern and serious, even regal when the situation demanded it, but she preferred him like this, or smiling and laughing. He had broad shoulders, strong arms, and hands that were rough where hers were soft. He had not led the life of an indolent nobleman, and Carolyn gently laid her hand against his solid chest. Then she let her fingers move downward, to the scars on his stomach, physical reminders of a battle he had been lucky to survive.
This was her husband, far more than the sum of his parts. He was a good man, brave and hardworking and stubborn and intelligent and kind and infinitely more than she had ever dared to hope for.
She thought back to the evening of Cassie's wedding, when she had made known her desires to Cameron and then lain awake much of the night, thinking about what the future might hold. She never would have considered Cameron had he not been a good choice for Caldora's next king, but there were a few other men who could have succeeded her father. She had chosen Cameron for herself. He had inspired something entirely new in her, something that could not be sated without him, as she had come to realize during his absence. Some of it was simply lust for him, but there was something deeper, too. She was glad to have him home again, and not just to fulfill her desires.
Her own tiredness caught up to her eventually, and after pressing a kiss to his lips, she lay down beside him and fell asleep herself. Yet it did not feel like much time had passed before a knock roused her from her sleep. She felt Cameron get out of bed, heard voices, and then he was sitting beside her, telling her there was an emergency and he would be back.
For some time after he left, she lay awake, thinking. She had never expected a grand love story, and perhaps that was why Cameron had sneaked up on her so. He had wooed her quietly, perhaps without even intending it.
But when she woke in the morning, he was not there, nor was there any evidence of him having been there. Were it not for the pleasant ache in her body, she would have thought she had imagined him coming to her bed uninvited in the first place. He had only stayed the whole night with her a handful of times, but he had told her he would come back, and he had never failed to do what he said before.
Her maid entered and Carolyn got out of bed. The day's work could not be ignored, despite the interruptions and meditations of the night before. As she dressed, however, she started thinking of the summons that had pulled Cameron away in the night. Something about Cheyenne, which meant there was nothing he could do at the time, but to wake him so late after he'd just returned, it was possible something dire had occurred. When she had eaten her breakfast, she headed to her father's door, as she always did. Cameron was already there, and he nodded to her as she entered, looking vaguely guilty but not distraught.
"Carolyn," her father said. "This is fortunate. You will have an opinion, I'm sure."
Henry began to explain the problem in Cheyenne. The city had gotten a great deal of rain, as was normal for this time of year, but one of the larger buildings which everyone had thought had survived the fire had now collapsed. Lady Gairwyn was writing to know whether Cameron wanted it rebuilt, or if something else should be constructed in its place.
Carolyn held back a frown as she listened, but she wondered in frustration why anyone had thought that Cameron needed to know this in the middle of the night. It was also becoming increasingly obvious that neither her husband nor her father had intended to consult her on the matter at all, despite the urgent need to wake Cameron over this. She thought back to the day her father had informed them of the trouble in Icaria, when he had held Cameron back to speak to him without her. Had this become a habit without her notice?
It was absurd to think that either of them could treat her with the contempt others in the court had for her, or that they would think she was too delicate for the business of the nation. Cameron had expressed a desire, after all, to have her rule with him as his equal when the time came, and her father had given his blessing to the idea. But that was his idea before they were married. What happened in ten years' time, when he had more experience? Would he still feel that he needed her in such a way?
It was too much for her this morning. She could not think clearly on so little sleep, and all of those things that had seemed so obvious in the night were now a jumble in her head. When the meeting concluded, she headed for the door, but Cameron caught up to her. "My lady?"
She looked at him, then swiftly away. "Yes?"
There was a long, painful pause, and Carolyn raised her gaze to him again. He was biting his lip. "Never mind."
She wanted to demand he speak, to demand the reason he had not returned to her the night before, or to exorcise all her frustration with the court on him. Instead, she nodded curtly and left the room without a word.
Every time Cameron thought about the night he returned from Icaria, it seemed even worse in his mind. Clearly, he had done something to offend Carolyn, and he had a feeling he knew what it was.
He had frightened her, coming into her bedchamber unannounced. That was a mistake he would not make again. In fact, the more he thought of it, the more he wondered if she were not more upset by what had transpired next. In the past few months, he had been careful to wait for some signal from her, but after being gone for more than a week, he had not had the will to restrain himself. Had he coaxed her into complying, or worse, had he forced himself on her?
After her abrupt departure the morning after his return, Cameron grew more and more alarmed. For the rest of the day, when they were around others, Carolyn appeared with the dignity befitting her rank, and no outsider would have guessed at any stress between them. But in private, they barely spoke. She was clearly upset with him, and he decided it was best to let her come to him instead of trying to force her to speak.
He also resolved not to come to her bed again without her explicit permission. The thought of pushing her to do anything terrified him. Other men might take such behavior as their right, but Cameron did not want to be that kind of man.
So the next few days passed in an odd stalemate. Cameron desperately wanted to say something to her, but he held his tongue, not wanting to upset her further. Yet as each day passed, Carolyn was more and more distant. He did not know how to change the way things were going.
Then one afternoon he headed for the stables, thinking to take a long ride while he had some time to himself. The stables were not empty when he arrived, however, and the conversation within made him stop in the shadows, listening without being seen.
"It's understandable that the king has Prince Cameron taking on so much," one voice said. "But to relegate my concern to Princess Carolyn? I'd rather have his Majesty tell me plainly that he does not care."
Cameron's hands balled into fists to hear his wife talked of this way, but some measure of dignity restrained him from making his presence known. Another voice said, "It will all go back to normal once she's delivered a child. The only royal affairs she will care for then will be the size of the nursery."
The first man chuckled. "True, true. I doubt it will be very long, either."
"Considering the way the prince treats her when they are in public, no."
The two men went their way laughing, departing through the door on the far end of the stable. Cameron stood where he was for some time, trying to comprehend what he had just overheard. Was that how the court saw Carolyn? As nothing more than a nuisance, a woman waiting to bear a child?
And had he been complicit in this?
Furious with the court and with himself, Cameron made one further resolution. He would not give the court or Carolyn reason to think that her only worth was as the mother of his children. She was far more to him than that. He only had to find a way to express that to her.
As the silence stretched between herself and her husband, Carolyn came to believe that this was worse than when she was unmarried. It had only been a year since Father had made her his regent, and less than a year since she had visited the war camp and delivered supplies she had herself organized to Cheyenne. Even prior to that, she had not been invisible in the court, as her choice of husband would determine Caldora's next king. Now that she had chosen that king, she had disappeared, even from her husband.
It should not have upset her so much. She had long ago resigned herself to the likelihood of a marriage of political convenience, rather than one between equal partners. Cameron's feelings for her had given her hope of a real relationship, but that hope seemed silly now. He might care for her still, but clearly that was not enough. She would fulfill his physical needs and hopefully give him an heir. She would do her duty as a wife, and one day as a queen.
She would have to learn to accept reality again, but somehow it hurt far more now than it ever had before.
Lady Juliana kept close watch over her, clearly aware that something was amiss, but Carolyn could not bring herself to admit her own folly, even to her friend. One afternoon, however, they were walking together and found themselves at the opposite end of a corridor from Cameron.
And a woman.
For a long, horrible moment, Carolyn was frozen where she was. Surely Cameron could not do this to her. He had been avoiding her for days, but surely this was not in his nature.
Her feet carried her down the corridor before she had consciously made the choice. Juliana was close behind, asking in a low voice if she really wanted to do this. The woman hanging on Cameron's arm was Lady Reya. Carolyn vaguely remembered seeing Reya trying to catch Cameron's eye once or twice before the wedding.
Carolyn ignored Juliana and called to her husband. Cameron looked up at her, his expression a mix of relief and confusion. "My lady," he replied, slowly pulling away from Lady Reya.
Carolyn helped to separate them by stepping in quite close to her husband and stretching up to kiss him. He was clearly surprised, but did not object when she lingered in the kiss. It was highly improper and she should have been ashamed of herself, but instead she only felt relief when Cameron's hand rested at her waist and he kissed her back. It was petty and perhaps spiteful of her, but Cameron was her husband. No one but she had the right to touch him like this, and she was not above giving him and the ladies of the court a reminder of that fact.
He made a little sound of protest when she drew away. She managed not to look at Reya right away, but was in no way surprised when she heard Juliana leading the other woman away. That left Carolyn alone with Cameron, or as alone as they could be while surrounded by guards. He seemed to cast about for something to say. "Good afternoon."
That made her laugh despite herself. "Good afternoon."
She hoped he might say something reassuring, but another awkward silence followed, and Carolyn gave serious consideration to just kissing him again, or possibly finding an empty chamber and having her way with him, as it would be preferable to the polite, remote silence of the last few days. "I - I'm afraid I'm late for - an appointment," he managed. He certainly sounded reluctant to go.
Carolyn narrowed her eyes at him, but he was looking elsewhere. "All right."
When he had taken his leave, Carolyn leaned against the wall and hoped he had understood what she wanted.
That night, she retired to her room alone. Her maid helped her change into clean undergarments and her nightgown, but once the girl had left, Carolyn stripped out of everything but her dressing gown and then began to pace idly back and forth across the room while she waited.
Nothing happened. No knock upon the door, no sound in the hallway.
Some time passed while she grew more and more agitated, but Cameron did not come. Eventually she was forced to accept that he was not going to.
A week, she thought to herself. A week he'd stayed away from her bed. He'd never not come to her for this many nights in a row. All she could remember now was Lady Reya fondling his arm, pressing it against her bosom and fluttering her eyelids while he didn't try particularly hard to get away.
The idea she'd been repressing all afternoon finally forced its way into her consciousness, for she could no longer avoid the possibility. From gossip she'd overheard in court, it was extremely strange for any man to willingly stay away from his bride's bed for even one night. Cameron had never been with her two nights in a row since shortly after the wedding.
What if he did not desire her in that way any longer? He had said that he loved her. What if he had given up on her ever returning his feelings and was showing it by avoiding her now? What if she was too late? He was polite and attentive enough by day to keep up appearances, but Carolyn knew that kind of companionship was not going to satisfy her, not anymore. And while that night he returned from Icaria had been memorable, he had been gone for days and could well have just been looking for a willing body he could have without effort. Particularly one that had a duty to bear his heir.
Worse, what if he was seeking another outlet for that desire? Gossip in court also had taught her that fidelity in marriage was the exception rather than the rule for most couples, and nearly every woman in court had been coveting him since the war had ended.
Fury erupted within her. No. Cameron would not do that.
Moreover, she would not stand for it.
She'd not been married more than three months yet. It was bad enough that she was being shunted aside and forgotten in matters of state. Carolyn was not going to stand idly by while she was turned into a laughingstock before the whole court. Pride straightened her spine and she marched to the door, ignoring the surprised look of the guard as she left her chamber and headed for Cameron's, too angry to consider that she was severely underdressed to be seen even at this hour.
Knocking on his door to announce her presence would have been polite. Instead she grabbed the handle and shoved the door open, partly out of rage and partly in case she was about to discover him in bed with someone else. Her hands trembled with relief to find her husband in a dressing gown and reading, alone.
He started up in shock as she stormed into the room. She could not help noticing that the robe he wore gaped open to reveal his bare chest, nor that his hair was already slightly tousled from lying in bed.
The startled guards closed the doors discreetly behind her. Cameron got to his feet and looked at her in concern. "My lady, is something wrong?"
Carolyn put her hands on her hips. "I was going to ask you the same question. Are you ill?"
"No," he said slowly, watching as she paced restlessly.
"Injured?"
"No, my lady."
"Stop that!" She nearly stamped her foot at him. "I have already told you, we are equals here. You do not have to defer to me."
A glimmer of annoyance flashed over his face. "I'm still getting used to it, Carolyn."
"You seem to be getting used to other things," she said, a dangerous glint in her eye.
Cameron clearly sensed it, for his voice grew sharper. "What does that mean?"
"I know what I saw this afternoon." When he looked puzzled, her anger only grew that much more. "Tell me, have you been enjoying the attention from the ladies of the court, Prince?"
His eyes darkened with a suddenness that made her stomach lurch in alarm. "Not especially, no," he told her coldly.
His displeasure wasn't enough to stop Carolyn. "It didn't look that way to me," she told him. "You were pleased enough with Lady Reya's flirtations today."
"Is that what this is about? You think I was enjoying that?"
"You weren't? Why not? Is she too old for you? Perhaps your taste runs only to younger, less experienced women," she sneered, though her heart was now racing at the look on his face.
He loomed over her, making her step back involuntarily. "What are you suggesting?"
She clung to her anger, her pride, and faced him. But her voice cracked slightly in spite of herself. "A week. You've not come to me for a full week. What else am I supposed to think?"
Her accusation rang through the air for a moment. He stared down at her, his body trembling from rage. "You think I have been unfaithful to you? That I would betray my vows to you? How could you think that of me?"
"And what other explanation is there?" she fired back. "You say that you love me, Cameron, but you have a strange way of showing it!"
"I was trying to be respectful!" Through his anger, he seemed to cast about for something more to say. "I did not - that is -" Then he threw up his hands and turned away. "I do not know how to say it for a lady's ears."
"Then say it as you would to a man! Do not treat me like some precious artifact, Cameron. Do not dare."
"I do not know, Carolyn!" he nearly shouted. "You welcome me in one moment and pull yourself back in the next! You confuse me, Carolyn. In all my life, I've never come upon a riddle more frustrating than you. I wish you would tell me plainly what I have done to offend you so-"
She had no patience for this now. "I have been alone in my bed for a week now," she said, interrupting. "Were you waiting for a written invitation?"
That startled him. "No, but you could have said something!"
"So could you!"
"Then why make such an accusation?" he demanded.
"I don't know! I love you, Cameron, but I didn't know what else to think!"
It took her a moment to grasp fully the truth of what she had blurted out. She hadn't admitted it even to herself until this moment, but everything - the longing she'd felt while he'd been gone, the fierce jealousy at the thought of him with another woman - made sense now. Her attachment to him went far deeper than mere regard and affection. Across the room, Cameron stared at her with his eyes wide and jaw dropped. Carolyn felt heat rising in her cheeks, but she would not call her words back now. Her anger and frustration with him did not make it any less true. She clutched the edge of the table behind her and waited.
He swallowed hard, but it took several agonizing heartbeats for him to speak. "Say it again," he told her in an awed voice.
This time, she did not shout it. She took a deep breath, but could only manage a whisper. "I love you."
He did not hasten across the room, as she might have expected, but when he finally stood before her, he looked happier than she had ever seen him. He framed her face and kissed her sweetly, reverently, before whispering a plea to hear it again and again. Carolyn did not care to resist him in anything he asked just now, and she told him as often as their lips separated long enough.
Eventually, though, sweet kisses gave way to the hunger now familiar to Carolyn, and she was acutely aware of how little they were both wearing, along with the obvious proof of her husband's desires. But he pulled away and stared at her so intently that Carolyn began to blush. The heat in his eyes was almost a tangible thing, and his voice was low and rough. "There is no other woman in the world I want so much as you," he said, erasing the last remnant of her fear. "There never has been. There never will be."
Carolyn's heart pounded in her chest, her relief so strong her legs shook. She knew that they needed to talk about the misunderstanding that had arisen between them, but she pushed back the part of her that counseled caution and prudence. She would not hold herself back from him any longer.
Still, her hands trembled as she untied the belt of her robe and shrugged, letting the silk slide off her shoulders and onto the floor. She had never been this bold with him before. While he stared at her body, his hungry expression grew stronger, and he bit his lip as though struggling to control himself. But she did not want control or restraint, not now. Carolyn framed his face and waited for him to meet her gaze again. "I am yours, Cameron," she said, "and you are mine." The possessive words were nearly a growl.
At that declaration he smiled, although it was far from an innocent smile, and he lifted her into his arms and carried her across the room to his bed.
Cameron had no idea what time it was when he woke. It was still dark outside, though it felt like he'd only slept a few hours. At some point he had rolled to his back, and Carolyn was curled up against him. This was not the first time he had woken up in bed with her, but now, in the dim moonlight, he brushed her hair back from her face with a kind of awe he hadn't felt before.
She loved him. That had been his dearest wish, yet he had not allowed himself to expect it. Truthfully he felt relieved as much as anything else. He had feared there would always be a tension brought on by the disparity of feelings between them. He knew they would have problems in the future, for no relationship could exist without them, but now he hoped this marriage would be easier than it might have been otherwise.
Carolyn shifted and stretched. "Tell me it isn't morning," she muttered into his shoulder.
Cameron chuckled. "It isn't," he said, trailing his fingers up her bare arm.
She hummed as though she doubted him. "And you would not be saying that just to please me?"
"I have much better ways of pleasing you," he replied with a smirk.
Carolyn narrowed her eyes at him, and then suddenly she was straddling him and his smirk vanished as he gasped. "Do you now," she said, planting her hands on his shoulders and wriggling her hips.
She leaned forward then and nuzzled his jaw. He thought about complaining, but he found that he rather enjoyed her teasing. She settled her weight fully on him, resting her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her. He played with her hair and she ran her fingernails lightly over his chest. "I'm sorry," she said.
His brain wasn't working very well with her naked body draped over him. "For what?"
She sighed. "I accused you of being unfaithful," she replied. "I should have known better. I do know better."
"I knew you were upset with me," Cameron said lowly. "I thought I should leave you alone for the time being."
That made her laugh, and her body rubbed against his in a way that made him groan. "I was upset with you because you were leaving me alone."
"I thought it was because of that night I came back from Icaria," he said, frowning. "I did not ask if you wanted me there. I thought..."
She pushed herself up enough to meet his gaze. "Cameron, if I do not want your attentions, I will tell you."
He closed his eyes for a moment in relief. "You only ever have to say no."
"I know that," she replied, and he believed her. Something in her expression puzzled him, but then she stretched and moved off of him. "I should go."
Cameron followed her, sitting up and kissing her bare shoulder. "You should stay."
Her eyes fluttered closed, but she remained undeterred even as his kisses strayed lower. "Have you forgotten what I was wearing when I arrived?"
"I doubt I will ever forget that, Carolyn."
She laughed and swatted his knee. "I should get back to my chambers. I would rather not be here in the morning without clothes." But she leaned into his caresses even as she spoke.
"We have servants," he pointed out, "who will fetch your entire wardrobe if needed. So you could stay a little longer." He nudged her to turn her head, and when he kissed her, she responded eagerly and pushed him down onto his back again.
A little while later, Carolyn was sprawled on the bed beside him, both of them panting. He rolled to his side, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. "Stay," he asked quietly. He cared less about her attire or gossip than having her with him all night, and he was too comfortable to move.
She nodded, her fingers trailing up and down his arm lazily.
A few minutes passed quietly, but despite the late hour, Carolyn didn't appear to be sleepy. Cameron said nothing until she sighed. Despite everything that had happened between them in the last few hours, he tensed. "What is wrong?"
Carolyn didn't meet his eyes. "There is something else that has been bothering me, aside from our... misunderstanding." She pulled away from his arms slightly and he let her go so that she could sit up. He waited in silence until she gathered her thoughts. "While you were away, I did my best to handle as much of your work as I was able, but I was thwarted repeatedly. Many of the noblemen refused to believe I could even help them. I lost count of the number who said they would wait until you returned to have their concerns addressed."
Her voice had been growing more angry as she spoke and he hardly blamed her, remembering what he'd overheard in the stable just the other day. "I've noticed that as well. It seems as though half the court has decided our marriage rendered you incapable of doing anything."
"More than half," Carolyn said bitterly.
Cameron hesitated, but he wanted her to know. "If it is any consolation, Carolyn, I do not think of you that way, and I never have. Whatever my other feelings, I still think you're more fit to run the country than I will ever be."
She laughed a little at that. "I'm not sure I envy you that task, Cameron." She paused for a moment, then frowned. "What do you mean, whatever your other feelings?"
Cameron could feel his ears getting hot. "I only meant that no matter how much I desire you, how much I look forward to having a family with you, I seem to be able to harbor those feelings and still value your counsel at the same time."
She leaned over and kissed him. "Would that all noblemen were as sensible," she said wryly. "I am not sure what to do about this."
"We could speak to your father," he suggested. "It might be time to pursue changing the succession."
"I'm not certain how far you will get with that notion."
He shrugged, his voice growing more forceful as he spoke. "Perhaps nowhere, but pursuing it will let the entire court know what my opinion is of your value to the country, and hopefully send a message about denigrating my wife's abilities ever again."
Carolyn laughed again, stretching out in the bed alongside him. "That is a very political step to take, Prince. I am impressed."
He tickled her for a minute in retaliation before they settled down again. "I wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Come with me to Atlantis," he said. "To my cousin's wedding. I do not want to be away from you for so long."
She touched his face tenderly and smiled at him. "It certainly took you long enough to ask me."
Cameron rolled his eyes. "Carolyn."
"Yes, I will go with you, Cameron, but on one condition," she replied. At his curious look, she added, "That we stop keeping things from each other. We have enough concerns without adding to our problems that way."
He leaned in and kissed her. "I will try."
Carolyn was satisfied with that answer, and within a few minutes, she was asleep in his arms once more. But Cameron lay awake for a little while, thinking of the mistakes they had made and wondering what mistakes lay before them. He was learning how to be a prince, but at the same time he was learning how to be a husband, and she was learning how to be a wife. They would never be perfect, but they would get better. Somehow he was sure of it.
And he was looking forward to his cousin's wedding immensely now. It would be good to get out of Redwater again, this time with his wife at his side.
I think I speak for all involved that we hope you enjoy the final three stories of stargate_ren. :)
Title: Patience
Authors: miera_c and melyanna
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Three months into their marriage, Cameron and Carolyn find their endurance tested, for different reasons.
Spring had always been a busy season for Cameron. Even though he had spent a good portion of his life as the presumptive heir of the Marquis of Sheppard, he had usually passed his springs with the shepherds and their flocks. During lambing season, the herdsmen needed all the help they could find. He would hardly complain about finding himself lying on a comfortable bed in his own bedchamber, far from the nearest flock of sheep, but it was odd after so many years of a rougher life and simpler habits.
Yet his work in Redwater was not so unfamiliar as he might have expected. As his uncle's heir, he had spent a good deal of time mediating disputes that were not great enough to warrant the attention of the marquis. The king was using him now in a similar way, but Cameron found himself listening to the arguments of people who, before his marriage, had far outranked him.
Though he believed he carried himself tolerably well in his work, he knew that his ignorance of the court made him vulnerable. A number of lords were circling, trying to build a relationship with him, and he did not know to what ends. In these matters, as in many others, he turned to Carolyn for her help. She knew these men and could warn him which ones were looking for personal gain.
In that respect, she had been exactly what he expected. She was level-headed and quick-thinking at the same time, which was extraordinarily useful to him. She shared her observations with him and her advice was always excellent. He could not have asked for a better guide in navigating the court. The only trouble was that an advisor was not the only thing he'd hoped to gain when he married her.
They were still getting to know each other. Her natural reserve held her back from the kind of openness Cameron would prefer. In turn, he was not sure whether she would welcome such candidness from him, so he held himself in check much of the time. He feared pushing her for more intimacy than she was willing to give him, but patience was difficult to exercise. The more he saw of his wife, the more he wanted of her.
He kept waiting, watching, hoping for a sign from her, some indication of what she wanted, but Carolyn was perhaps too much in the habit of in concealing her feelings for Cameron to determine what she wanted him to do, if anything. So he proceeded slowly, attempting to rein in his feelings while he worried quietly that they would never be fully returned.
Though it was early, a knock on the door interrupted his musing. He groaned and got up, dressing himself hastily before opening the door. "Pardon me, Highness," Walter Harriman said, nodding. "The king asks to speak with you."
Cameron nodded. "I will be there directly."
His valet arrived shortly thereafter and before long Cameron was ready to appear before the king. Though Cameron had a more casual relationship with the man than nearly anyone else in the country, his father-in-law was still the king, and meeting him required certain decorum. It was both strange and sobering to Cameron to think that people meeting with him were also required to follow protocols, and might worry over appearances as much as he sometimes did.
Carolyn was already there when he arrived, and he kissed her hand and quietly greeted her. The king looked at them oddly but went about his purpose, holding up a letter. "I have had word from Lord Stephen's steward," he said. "There has been some trouble with the families we resettled from Makepeace in the fall."
Cameron frowned. "It's been six months," he said. "What problem would arise now?"
"It's planting season," Carolyn said quietly. "I would assume that either agreements from last year are not being honored, or agreements were never reached."
Landry nodded. "He asks for assistance from the crown. Caldwell does not intend to return to Caldora until after Queen Elizabeth's wedding, and this matter cannot wait so long. Cameron, I thought I would send you. Dixon has his hands full here with Maybourne, and you have some experience in these matters."
None of it good, he wanted to reply, but he agreed to the scheme. It would be good to get out of the palace and Redwater for a few days. Carolyn would take over his duties in the court in his absence, something he knew she was more than capable of.
As Carolyn left, the king stayed him. "I have meant to ask you for a little while now," Landry said. "Is everything all right between you and Carolyn?"
That made Cameron uneasy. What manner of rumor had prompted that question? "Why would you ask?"
Henry held up a hand. "I am not trying to insinuate anything, Cameron. I do not want to pry, but you are my daughter's husband. I just want to know that the two of you are getting along. It cannot be easy, spending these first days of your marriage on display to the entire court."
Cameron could agree with that. "We are doing well, my lord." He wasn't sure how true that was, but he wasn't sure what else to say either.
The king looked unconvinced, but he let the subject drop. "You and I should meet again tonight to make sure all is in order for your journey."
"Yes, my lord," Cameron replied. The king turned back to the papers on his desk, but Cameron decided to ask one more question. "Is there someone in the court I might speak to about this trip?"
Henry paused for a moment, clearly thinking. "Speak to Lord Davis. I don't know that he's ever been to Icaria, but he seems to know a little about everything."
Cameron nodded and took his leave. Someone who knew a little about everything would be extremely useful to him right now, because most days he felt that he knew nothing about many things.
Carolyn joined her husband at luncheon, and they spent most of the meal talking of either their morning activities or his trip to Icaria. Cameron was more businesslike than usual, and Carolyn wondered at it. Perhaps he was simply nervous about being sent out by the king.
During the afternoon she saw little of him, as he was preparing for the trip. At the end of the day, they and Lord Davis dined with her father, who had many questions to ask about Cameron's readiness.
It had been decided that the earl would accompany Cameron, and after supper they spent a long while talking with the king about how the men would handle the problems likely to arise. Cameron was nervous, she realized, although Carolyn was not sure anyone else in the room saw what she did. He leaned forward as he sat, his hands tightly clasped as though to keep from fidgeting.
By the time they were done, the hour had grown quite late, and Carolyn took her husband's arm as they walked toward the royal apartments. "You will do well, I am sure, Cameron," she said quietly, once they were out of earshot of all but their guards. "You have a good sense of how to deal with people even at their most intractable."
He pretended to consider that. "Well, shepherds are stubborn folk."
Carolyn smiled. They ambled down their corridor slowly, as if they were reluctant to reach their destination. She was not looking forward to his absence much. She had grown used to spending much of her day in his company. When they did come to her door, she expected he would come inside with her, and had been anticipating it for much of the evening. Instead, he kissed her and said, "Good night, Carolyn."
Her reply was automatic and almost dull. Considerably confused, she parted from him, stepping into her own chambers. Inside, she leaned against the closed door and listened to her husband's retreating footsteps. She was bewildered at his departure. After all, he would be away for some days.
Her maid was in the bedchamber, and there she went to change for bed. While she listened to the girl's chatter about the day and various gossip, Carolyn pondered what had just happened. She had been so startled that he did not ask for permission to come in that she forgot that she could just as easily issue an invitation. She rather doubted that Cameron would have rejected it or thought ill of her for it, but he had always been the one to ask before. Now he would be getting ready for bed himself, and perhaps he had stayed away because he wanted to be more rested for the journey on the morrow.
Some color rose in her cheeks as she thought of that, but fortunately her maid did not notice. Cameron usually looked rather bleary-eyed on the mornings after they had been together.
She had already decided to see her husband off the next day. He and his company were setting off just after sunrise, and she had to rise early and hurry to meet him. He seemed somewhat surprised to see her when she appeared at the top of the steps that led down to the stables, but he also looked pleased. He finished giving instructions to his companions before heading back up the stairs to her. "Are you all right?" he asked lowly.
"I am fine, Cameron."
He nodded, though he also frowned slightly. "I need not give you any instructions, of course," he said. "I will be back as soon as I can. Hopefully it will all be resolved in a few days."
"I will not hold my breath," she replied, smiling slightly.
That made him chuckle, and he took one more step up the stairs. That brought him almost but not quite up to her level. "Neither will I," he said playfully. Then he stretched up a little to kiss her. She could not recall if he had kissed her in front of this many people since their wedding day, which seemed strange now that she thought of it.
Cameron drew back from the kiss reluctantly, and Carolyn met his gaze. "Remember, Cameron, you will be dealing with people's ancestral lands," she said quietly. "Do not expect them to be rational."
He lifted her hand to his lips. "I will bear it in mind, my lady."
She pushed aside a moment of annoyance at his deference to her and turned toward Davis, who was waiting discreetly at the foot of the stairs. "Keep my husband out of trouble, Lord Davis," she said, raising her voice. Cameron glared at her halfheartedly but followed her down the stairs. "I am afraid I do not trust the prince to do that himself."
Davis smiled. "I will do the best I can, Princess."
"I suppose that is all I can ask."
Cameron kissed her hand again before he and his men mounted their horses and set off. Carolyn waited until they were out of sight, and she felt a great restlessness at her husband's leaving.
She had work to do, of course. Now she had Cameron's duties as well as her own, and soon there was something to distract her from his absence. More than once in the day, some nobleman expressed surprise at finding himself dealing with her. As the day wore on, she found it more and more irritating.
"It was only a year ago that Father left me here as his regent!" she said angrily that evening, amid her pacing in Lady Juliana's chambers. "Before the winter solstice, no one in the court questioned my abilities. Now I am little more than an ornament in their eyes, or worse, just the royal child-bearer."
"My lady," Juliana chided slightly. "Surely you do not regret marrying?"
"It is not as though I had a choice." Juliana was visibly startled by the bitterness in Carolyn's voice, so Carolyn sat down beside her and blew out a long breath, reining in her temper. "I do not regret marrying Cameron. He has been everything I could hope for in this regard. He always seeks my opinion, and usually heeds my advice."
Juliana waited a few moments before asking her next question. "And in other regards?"
Carolyn hesitated and looked away. "He is attentive and affectionate and always gentle with me."
"Many women are not so lucky," her friend pointed out kindly.
"I know, but I cannot compel what is not there," Carolyn replied. "If it were at all possible I would have done so by now." She had thought once that his affection for her would make the marriage easier, but instead it upset the playing field. Although he was circumspect, it was impossible not to see the longing in his expression when he looked at her. She cared for him, of course, but she had felt that way before the wedding and she could not see that her feelings had altered since they were married. Though she felt little reluctance over sharing a bed with him and she enjoyed his company, it was starting to hurt when he told her that he loved her. She could not truthfully say it in return, and he deserved more than this.
Juliana reached for her hand. "Carolyn." That caught Carolyn's attention, for while they were good friends, Juliana almost never addressed her by her name. "The court will remember your skills and talents. And perhaps you should talk to your husband about this."
"How do I tell him that I still do not love him as he loves me?" Carolyn asked, almost plaintively.
"That is not what I meant. He needs to understand you are frustrated with how you are being treated in the court. I am not certain what he could do about it, but he should know."
Carolyn shook her head. "I do not know if I could add to his burden so."
Juliana narrowed her eyes. "Do you feel guilty, Princess?"
"What?" Carolyn asked, startled.
"He would not bear such a burden if you had not persuaded him to marry you."
"Juliana," she said, shaking her head.
Juliana sighed but did not press the issue further. "At least he will be back in a few days. And then it will not be long before you depart for Atlantis."
Carolyn stiffened at the mention of the queen's wedding, and Juliana noticed. "What now?" she asked tiredly.
Her friend's reaction made her smile. "It is nothing, truly. He has not asked me to accompany him to his cousin's wedding."
"Do you want to go?" Juliana asked.
"I do," Carolyn replied. "I would like to meet Queen Elizabeth, and I have discovered that marriage has somewhat hampered my freedom to travel as I did before."
"There will be no more dashing off to chase after suitors, to be sure," Juliana teased gently.
Carolyn smiled in spite of herself, then sighed again. "It would be nice to get away from Redwater for a time."
After a moment, Juliana said, "I will give you the same advice as before, my lady. Talk to him."
Carolyn nodded heavily and resolutely moved the conversation to subjects that involved neither herself nor her husband.
Icaria, Cameron soon learned, was hot.
Lord Davis had warned him of this. Not long after they crossed into the province, the land seemed to sink before their eyes, dropping into valleys which had been terraced over time by rice farmers. Cameron had heard of the beauty of this region, and he immediately understood, but it was too warm and unpleasant and there were insects everywhere. The first day, he tried riding without his heavy tunic, but that allowed the insects to bite him through his thinner linen shirt. He had a number of bites on his arms and chest by the end of the day. After that he suffered through the heat, for it would not do to have the prince arrive on the king's business covered with welts that itched badly.
At least he was prepared for the work, mostly. His role in encouraging John to cede part of Sheppard to the Sodan was not widely known, but according to Caldwell's steward, Cameron's appearance cooled a number of tempers before he even got to work. Always in the forefront of his mind was Carolyn's advice. Giving up land could not be easy, and he had to respect what the people of Icaria were being asked to give up before they would respect his rulings.
It took the better part of a week to resolve matters enough that the steward felt comfortable again. The night before they intended to depart from Icaria, Cameron and Davis sat before the empty fireplace in Cameron's chambers, cleaning their boots. They'd spent the afternoon tramping through a muddy field. "I suppose I should have asked if I could do that for you," Davis said, breaking the comfortable silence.
Cameron shook his head, chuckling. "A man ought to take responsibility for his own boots, no matter his rank."
Lord Davis smiled. "That he should." They were quiet for a little while, until the earl spoke again. "Well, I believe I have fulfilled your wife's request and kept you out of trouble. For now, at least."
Cameron rolled his eyes, though he smiled slightly. "Carolyn worries too much."
"I cannot speak from experience, my lord, but it seems natural for a wife to worry about her husband," Davis replied, putting his boots down.
That drew a sigh from Cameron. The days of riding to Icaria had given the men ample time to converse. Davis was the king's trusted ally, and Cameron had found himself learning a great deal simply by listening and asking questions. Yet Davis had not taken that as a sign that he was at liberty to give his opinion on matters as personal as Cameron's marriage. In fact, Davis was one of the few in the court who had yet to offer marital advice to Cameron, or - as had begun to happen - remark on when a child would be born to the royal couple. It was perhaps the other man's silence on such subjects which prompted Cameron to speak. "I do not often know what to expect of her, or what ought to be natural," he confessed, paying attention to the toe of one boot rather than meet the other man's gaze. "We know so little of each other."
"At least you spent some time together away from court."
Cameron thought of the first time he had kissed Carolyn. He would never have had such boldness in Redwater. Not for the first time he wished they could have spent these first few months in Sheppard instead of in court, where he felt they were too much in public. "That is true."
Davis was watching him keenly. "But?" he prompted.
Cameron glanced at him for a moment. "I imagine it is never simple, trying to court your own wife, but Redwater makes things more complicated."
The silence that followed grew awkward, as the earl's face betrayed his confusion. "Forgive me, Highness," he said, when he realized he was staring.
"What is it?" Cameron asked anyway.
Davis looked embarrassed. "I was only thinking of seeing you with her in Cheyenne last year," he replied. "The way she looked at you while you were dancing - Forgive me for my boldness, my lord. I have known the princess for several years, and I had never seen her look at a man the way she looked at you that night. I cannot imagine that she feels nothing for you."
Cameron set his boots aside haphazardly and leaned back on his hands. He remembered his parents being very fond of each other's company, and his aunt and uncle had loved each other dearly. "Perhaps it is selfish of me, Davis, but I want my wife to feel more than esteem, to act out of more than duty."
Davis nodded as he understood. "Then why marry her, if you did not believe she cared about you more than that?"
"Because I love her," Cameron replied quietly. "Enough to take on all the responsibilities such a marriage entails." Then, after a moment he added wryly, "And because she asked me."
Davis laughed outright. "Of course she did."
They set off the next morning but the trip back to Redwater was even longer than the journey out to Icaria. They were beset by bad weather that left the countryside muddy and hard to traverse. Cameron thought once or twice that at least the rain kept the insects at bay, but that was small consolation. The day they saw the great fortress of Redwater looming on the horizon, they all picked up the pace, hastening homeward.
The sun was long gone before they arrived and came into the palace. Cameron sent his horse away to a groomsman's care and ascended the steps. It was late. Carolyn would already be abed. He ought to retire to his own chambers for the night, but he did not want to.
Davis joined him on the stairs. "Your Highness, if you wish, I will report to the king," the other man offered.
Cameron laughed and shook his head, wondering how obvious his thoughts were. "Be gone, sir."
Paul nodded and left. Cameron went to his own chambers and threw off his traveling cloak, sorely tempted to collapse into bed and try to sleep. It had been a long week. But it had also been more than a week since he last saw his wife, and the desire to be with her again won out over weariness and caution.
She did not answer his knock, which did not surprise him. Not stopping to consider his actions, Cameron came inside anyway. In the bright moonlight streaming into the room, he could see Carolyn asleep in her bed, and for a moment he merely looked at her. Being here without an explicit invitation was reckless, and that along with the sight of her made his pulse quicken.
After a few moments, he shook himself and stripped down to his trousers before turning his attention back to his wife's bed. She was still sleeping. Cameron felt a little guilty about waking her, but he could imagine the fright she would get if she woke up in bed with someone after going to bed alone.
Gently, he shook her shoulder, trying to rouse her. It did not take much. She stiffened and did not turn to see him. "Cameron?" she asked, clearly alarmed.
"Yes, it's me," he said lowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
Carolyn turned over and looked relieved to see him there. Cameron was glad that the moon was full and bright and she could see him clearly. "When did you return?"
"Only a few minutes ago," he replied, before kissing her arm, just below the end of her short sleeve. It was easier to be direct with her here in the moonlight, and his words came out more intensely than he expected. "I missed you."
She reached to touch his face, and he knew sleep could wait. He leaned down and kissed her urgently. Carolyn did not object, but her response was slower than usual. Still, he coaxed her to deepen the kiss, moaning when her hands moved down his back. In between fierce kisses, he tugged at their clothing just enough to bury himself inside of her.
The encounter did not last as long as he would have liked, but he had been away from her for days and days, and his impatience was too much for his self-control. Cameron looked at Carolyn nervously as he lay panting beside her, and he saw an expression on her face he could not discern. His wakefulness was spent, though, and he fell asleep before he could ask if something was amiss.
Sometime later, he awoke to hear a knock at the door. After a moment, he pulled himself out of bed and got his trousers back on. Paul Davis was on the other side of the door, looking exhausted. "Forgive me, your Highness," he said. "The king has just had word from Cheyenne. There's been an accident."
Cameron scrubbed a hand over his face. "Give me a moment."
"Yes, my lord," Davis said with a nod.
Cameron shut the door again and found his tunic and boots. While he was getting dressed again, Carolyn roused. "Cameron?" she said groggily.
He came and sat beside her on the bed and brushed her hair back from her face tenderly. "Your father sent for me. Something has happened in Cheyenne," he told her. "I am not sure what I can do now, but I need to hear the details."
She nodded, but said nothing. Cameron leaned in to kiss her briefly. "I will be back."
There was nothing he could possibly do about the trouble in Cheyenne at this hour, but he appreciated that the king had included him in the conversation about what would be done. Some considerable time had passed before he was released from the audience, however. Carolyn would surely be asleep again, and knowing how easily she had woken before, he did not wish to rouse her another time this night.
Despite what he had told her, he went to his own chambers and slept fitfully.
Cameron's absence had been more difficult than Carolyn had expected. It was not that the work he left her was overwhelming. Even if it had been, her father would have gladly helped her. No, it was simply that her husband was gone. Somehow, in a year, he had gone from a name she knew from reports and her father's concerns about the province of Sheppard to a man who belonged with her, whose absence left her with a longing she had never felt before now.
She had kept her hands busy while he was away, but he was never far from her thoughts, and it was odd how the smallest things reminded her of him. They had taken vows on their wedding day which bound them as spouses, but until he was gone, she had not realized how much he had woven himself into her life. She'd grown used to his presence, and to be deprived of it left her uncomfortable. It made sense, she supposed, given how few friends she had in the court. Cameron was one of the few people to whom she could speak honestly, and she'd grown used to the comfort that gave her.
In her heart, Carolyn admitted she missed him most at night, and that was less about comfort than about her body's desires. More than once she cursed herself for not urging him to stay with her the night before he left.
When he did come back, it seemed like a dream, waking in the middle of the night to find him standing there undressed. But his lips brushed against her skin and she touched his handsome, tired face and knew it was real. Desire had risen quickly, but Cameron had understood. His eagerness told her she was not the only one who had felt their separation keenly. Though she had been very tired, she had enjoyed his company and his obvious hunger for her.
And yet, more gratifying than that had been seeing him fall asleep in her bed. For a long time, she sat up and watched him sleep, examining the body she rarely got a chance to simply observe like this. His face looked almost boyish in sleep. He could be stern and serious, even regal when the situation demanded it, but she preferred him like this, or smiling and laughing. He had broad shoulders, strong arms, and hands that were rough where hers were soft. He had not led the life of an indolent nobleman, and Carolyn gently laid her hand against his solid chest. Then she let her fingers move downward, to the scars on his stomach, physical reminders of a battle he had been lucky to survive.
This was her husband, far more than the sum of his parts. He was a good man, brave and hardworking and stubborn and intelligent and kind and infinitely more than she had ever dared to hope for.
She thought back to the evening of Cassie's wedding, when she had made known her desires to Cameron and then lain awake much of the night, thinking about what the future might hold. She never would have considered Cameron had he not been a good choice for Caldora's next king, but there were a few other men who could have succeeded her father. She had chosen Cameron for herself. He had inspired something entirely new in her, something that could not be sated without him, as she had come to realize during his absence. Some of it was simply lust for him, but there was something deeper, too. She was glad to have him home again, and not just to fulfill her desires.
Her own tiredness caught up to her eventually, and after pressing a kiss to his lips, she lay down beside him and fell asleep herself. Yet it did not feel like much time had passed before a knock roused her from her sleep. She felt Cameron get out of bed, heard voices, and then he was sitting beside her, telling her there was an emergency and he would be back.
For some time after he left, she lay awake, thinking. She had never expected a grand love story, and perhaps that was why Cameron had sneaked up on her so. He had wooed her quietly, perhaps without even intending it.
But when she woke in the morning, he was not there, nor was there any evidence of him having been there. Were it not for the pleasant ache in her body, she would have thought she had imagined him coming to her bed uninvited in the first place. He had only stayed the whole night with her a handful of times, but he had told her he would come back, and he had never failed to do what he said before.
Her maid entered and Carolyn got out of bed. The day's work could not be ignored, despite the interruptions and meditations of the night before. As she dressed, however, she started thinking of the summons that had pulled Cameron away in the night. Something about Cheyenne, which meant there was nothing he could do at the time, but to wake him so late after he'd just returned, it was possible something dire had occurred. When she had eaten her breakfast, she headed to her father's door, as she always did. Cameron was already there, and he nodded to her as she entered, looking vaguely guilty but not distraught.
"Carolyn," her father said. "This is fortunate. You will have an opinion, I'm sure."
Henry began to explain the problem in Cheyenne. The city had gotten a great deal of rain, as was normal for this time of year, but one of the larger buildings which everyone had thought had survived the fire had now collapsed. Lady Gairwyn was writing to know whether Cameron wanted it rebuilt, or if something else should be constructed in its place.
Carolyn held back a frown as she listened, but she wondered in frustration why anyone had thought that Cameron needed to know this in the middle of the night. It was also becoming increasingly obvious that neither her husband nor her father had intended to consult her on the matter at all, despite the urgent need to wake Cameron over this. She thought back to the day her father had informed them of the trouble in Icaria, when he had held Cameron back to speak to him without her. Had this become a habit without her notice?
It was absurd to think that either of them could treat her with the contempt others in the court had for her, or that they would think she was too delicate for the business of the nation. Cameron had expressed a desire, after all, to have her rule with him as his equal when the time came, and her father had given his blessing to the idea. But that was his idea before they were married. What happened in ten years' time, when he had more experience? Would he still feel that he needed her in such a way?
It was too much for her this morning. She could not think clearly on so little sleep, and all of those things that had seemed so obvious in the night were now a jumble in her head. When the meeting concluded, she headed for the door, but Cameron caught up to her. "My lady?"
She looked at him, then swiftly away. "Yes?"
There was a long, painful pause, and Carolyn raised her gaze to him again. He was biting his lip. "Never mind."
She wanted to demand he speak, to demand the reason he had not returned to her the night before, or to exorcise all her frustration with the court on him. Instead, she nodded curtly and left the room without a word.
Every time Cameron thought about the night he returned from Icaria, it seemed even worse in his mind. Clearly, he had done something to offend Carolyn, and he had a feeling he knew what it was.
He had frightened her, coming into her bedchamber unannounced. That was a mistake he would not make again. In fact, the more he thought of it, the more he wondered if she were not more upset by what had transpired next. In the past few months, he had been careful to wait for some signal from her, but after being gone for more than a week, he had not had the will to restrain himself. Had he coaxed her into complying, or worse, had he forced himself on her?
After her abrupt departure the morning after his return, Cameron grew more and more alarmed. For the rest of the day, when they were around others, Carolyn appeared with the dignity befitting her rank, and no outsider would have guessed at any stress between them. But in private, they barely spoke. She was clearly upset with him, and he decided it was best to let her come to him instead of trying to force her to speak.
He also resolved not to come to her bed again without her explicit permission. The thought of pushing her to do anything terrified him. Other men might take such behavior as their right, but Cameron did not want to be that kind of man.
So the next few days passed in an odd stalemate. Cameron desperately wanted to say something to her, but he held his tongue, not wanting to upset her further. Yet as each day passed, Carolyn was more and more distant. He did not know how to change the way things were going.
Then one afternoon he headed for the stables, thinking to take a long ride while he had some time to himself. The stables were not empty when he arrived, however, and the conversation within made him stop in the shadows, listening without being seen.
"It's understandable that the king has Prince Cameron taking on so much," one voice said. "But to relegate my concern to Princess Carolyn? I'd rather have his Majesty tell me plainly that he does not care."
Cameron's hands balled into fists to hear his wife talked of this way, but some measure of dignity restrained him from making his presence known. Another voice said, "It will all go back to normal once she's delivered a child. The only royal affairs she will care for then will be the size of the nursery."
The first man chuckled. "True, true. I doubt it will be very long, either."
"Considering the way the prince treats her when they are in public, no."
The two men went their way laughing, departing through the door on the far end of the stable. Cameron stood where he was for some time, trying to comprehend what he had just overheard. Was that how the court saw Carolyn? As nothing more than a nuisance, a woman waiting to bear a child?
And had he been complicit in this?
Furious with the court and with himself, Cameron made one further resolution. He would not give the court or Carolyn reason to think that her only worth was as the mother of his children. She was far more to him than that. He only had to find a way to express that to her.
As the silence stretched between herself and her husband, Carolyn came to believe that this was worse than when she was unmarried. It had only been a year since Father had made her his regent, and less than a year since she had visited the war camp and delivered supplies she had herself organized to Cheyenne. Even prior to that, she had not been invisible in the court, as her choice of husband would determine Caldora's next king. Now that she had chosen that king, she had disappeared, even from her husband.
It should not have upset her so much. She had long ago resigned herself to the likelihood of a marriage of political convenience, rather than one between equal partners. Cameron's feelings for her had given her hope of a real relationship, but that hope seemed silly now. He might care for her still, but clearly that was not enough. She would fulfill his physical needs and hopefully give him an heir. She would do her duty as a wife, and one day as a queen.
She would have to learn to accept reality again, but somehow it hurt far more now than it ever had before.
Lady Juliana kept close watch over her, clearly aware that something was amiss, but Carolyn could not bring herself to admit her own folly, even to her friend. One afternoon, however, they were walking together and found themselves at the opposite end of a corridor from Cameron.
And a woman.
For a long, horrible moment, Carolyn was frozen where she was. Surely Cameron could not do this to her. He had been avoiding her for days, but surely this was not in his nature.
Her feet carried her down the corridor before she had consciously made the choice. Juliana was close behind, asking in a low voice if she really wanted to do this. The woman hanging on Cameron's arm was Lady Reya. Carolyn vaguely remembered seeing Reya trying to catch Cameron's eye once or twice before the wedding.
Carolyn ignored Juliana and called to her husband. Cameron looked up at her, his expression a mix of relief and confusion. "My lady," he replied, slowly pulling away from Lady Reya.
Carolyn helped to separate them by stepping in quite close to her husband and stretching up to kiss him. He was clearly surprised, but did not object when she lingered in the kiss. It was highly improper and she should have been ashamed of herself, but instead she only felt relief when Cameron's hand rested at her waist and he kissed her back. It was petty and perhaps spiteful of her, but Cameron was her husband. No one but she had the right to touch him like this, and she was not above giving him and the ladies of the court a reminder of that fact.
He made a little sound of protest when she drew away. She managed not to look at Reya right away, but was in no way surprised when she heard Juliana leading the other woman away. That left Carolyn alone with Cameron, or as alone as they could be while surrounded by guards. He seemed to cast about for something to say. "Good afternoon."
That made her laugh despite herself. "Good afternoon."
She hoped he might say something reassuring, but another awkward silence followed, and Carolyn gave serious consideration to just kissing him again, or possibly finding an empty chamber and having her way with him, as it would be preferable to the polite, remote silence of the last few days. "I - I'm afraid I'm late for - an appointment," he managed. He certainly sounded reluctant to go.
Carolyn narrowed her eyes at him, but he was looking elsewhere. "All right."
When he had taken his leave, Carolyn leaned against the wall and hoped he had understood what she wanted.
That night, she retired to her room alone. Her maid helped her change into clean undergarments and her nightgown, but once the girl had left, Carolyn stripped out of everything but her dressing gown and then began to pace idly back and forth across the room while she waited.
Nothing happened. No knock upon the door, no sound in the hallway.
Some time passed while she grew more and more agitated, but Cameron did not come. Eventually she was forced to accept that he was not going to.
A week, she thought to herself. A week he'd stayed away from her bed. He'd never not come to her for this many nights in a row. All she could remember now was Lady Reya fondling his arm, pressing it against her bosom and fluttering her eyelids while he didn't try particularly hard to get away.
The idea she'd been repressing all afternoon finally forced its way into her consciousness, for she could no longer avoid the possibility. From gossip she'd overheard in court, it was extremely strange for any man to willingly stay away from his bride's bed for even one night. Cameron had never been with her two nights in a row since shortly after the wedding.
What if he did not desire her in that way any longer? He had said that he loved her. What if he had given up on her ever returning his feelings and was showing it by avoiding her now? What if she was too late? He was polite and attentive enough by day to keep up appearances, but Carolyn knew that kind of companionship was not going to satisfy her, not anymore. And while that night he returned from Icaria had been memorable, he had been gone for days and could well have just been looking for a willing body he could have without effort. Particularly one that had a duty to bear his heir.
Worse, what if he was seeking another outlet for that desire? Gossip in court also had taught her that fidelity in marriage was the exception rather than the rule for most couples, and nearly every woman in court had been coveting him since the war had ended.
Fury erupted within her. No. Cameron would not do that.
Moreover, she would not stand for it.
She'd not been married more than three months yet. It was bad enough that she was being shunted aside and forgotten in matters of state. Carolyn was not going to stand idly by while she was turned into a laughingstock before the whole court. Pride straightened her spine and she marched to the door, ignoring the surprised look of the guard as she left her chamber and headed for Cameron's, too angry to consider that she was severely underdressed to be seen even at this hour.
Knocking on his door to announce her presence would have been polite. Instead she grabbed the handle and shoved the door open, partly out of rage and partly in case she was about to discover him in bed with someone else. Her hands trembled with relief to find her husband in a dressing gown and reading, alone.
He started up in shock as she stormed into the room. She could not help noticing that the robe he wore gaped open to reveal his bare chest, nor that his hair was already slightly tousled from lying in bed.
The startled guards closed the doors discreetly behind her. Cameron got to his feet and looked at her in concern. "My lady, is something wrong?"
Carolyn put her hands on her hips. "I was going to ask you the same question. Are you ill?"
"No," he said slowly, watching as she paced restlessly.
"Injured?"
"No, my lady."
"Stop that!" She nearly stamped her foot at him. "I have already told you, we are equals here. You do not have to defer to me."
A glimmer of annoyance flashed over his face. "I'm still getting used to it, Carolyn."
"You seem to be getting used to other things," she said, a dangerous glint in her eye.
Cameron clearly sensed it, for his voice grew sharper. "What does that mean?"
"I know what I saw this afternoon." When he looked puzzled, her anger only grew that much more. "Tell me, have you been enjoying the attention from the ladies of the court, Prince?"
His eyes darkened with a suddenness that made her stomach lurch in alarm. "Not especially, no," he told her coldly.
His displeasure wasn't enough to stop Carolyn. "It didn't look that way to me," she told him. "You were pleased enough with Lady Reya's flirtations today."
"Is that what this is about? You think I was enjoying that?"
"You weren't? Why not? Is she too old for you? Perhaps your taste runs only to younger, less experienced women," she sneered, though her heart was now racing at the look on his face.
He loomed over her, making her step back involuntarily. "What are you suggesting?"
She clung to her anger, her pride, and faced him. But her voice cracked slightly in spite of herself. "A week. You've not come to me for a full week. What else am I supposed to think?"
Her accusation rang through the air for a moment. He stared down at her, his body trembling from rage. "You think I have been unfaithful to you? That I would betray my vows to you? How could you think that of me?"
"And what other explanation is there?" she fired back. "You say that you love me, Cameron, but you have a strange way of showing it!"
"I was trying to be respectful!" Through his anger, he seemed to cast about for something more to say. "I did not - that is -" Then he threw up his hands and turned away. "I do not know how to say it for a lady's ears."
"Then say it as you would to a man! Do not treat me like some precious artifact, Cameron. Do not dare."
"I do not know, Carolyn!" he nearly shouted. "You welcome me in one moment and pull yourself back in the next! You confuse me, Carolyn. In all my life, I've never come upon a riddle more frustrating than you. I wish you would tell me plainly what I have done to offend you so-"
She had no patience for this now. "I have been alone in my bed for a week now," she said, interrupting. "Were you waiting for a written invitation?"
That startled him. "No, but you could have said something!"
"So could you!"
"Then why make such an accusation?" he demanded.
"I don't know! I love you, Cameron, but I didn't know what else to think!"
It took her a moment to grasp fully the truth of what she had blurted out. She hadn't admitted it even to herself until this moment, but everything - the longing she'd felt while he'd been gone, the fierce jealousy at the thought of him with another woman - made sense now. Her attachment to him went far deeper than mere regard and affection. Across the room, Cameron stared at her with his eyes wide and jaw dropped. Carolyn felt heat rising in her cheeks, but she would not call her words back now. Her anger and frustration with him did not make it any less true. She clutched the edge of the table behind her and waited.
He swallowed hard, but it took several agonizing heartbeats for him to speak. "Say it again," he told her in an awed voice.
This time, she did not shout it. She took a deep breath, but could only manage a whisper. "I love you."
He did not hasten across the room, as she might have expected, but when he finally stood before her, he looked happier than she had ever seen him. He framed her face and kissed her sweetly, reverently, before whispering a plea to hear it again and again. Carolyn did not care to resist him in anything he asked just now, and she told him as often as their lips separated long enough.
Eventually, though, sweet kisses gave way to the hunger now familiar to Carolyn, and she was acutely aware of how little they were both wearing, along with the obvious proof of her husband's desires. But he pulled away and stared at her so intently that Carolyn began to blush. The heat in his eyes was almost a tangible thing, and his voice was low and rough. "There is no other woman in the world I want so much as you," he said, erasing the last remnant of her fear. "There never has been. There never will be."
Carolyn's heart pounded in her chest, her relief so strong her legs shook. She knew that they needed to talk about the misunderstanding that had arisen between them, but she pushed back the part of her that counseled caution and prudence. She would not hold herself back from him any longer.
Still, her hands trembled as she untied the belt of her robe and shrugged, letting the silk slide off her shoulders and onto the floor. She had never been this bold with him before. While he stared at her body, his hungry expression grew stronger, and he bit his lip as though struggling to control himself. But she did not want control or restraint, not now. Carolyn framed his face and waited for him to meet her gaze again. "I am yours, Cameron," she said, "and you are mine." The possessive words were nearly a growl.
At that declaration he smiled, although it was far from an innocent smile, and he lifted her into his arms and carried her across the room to his bed.
Cameron had no idea what time it was when he woke. It was still dark outside, though it felt like he'd only slept a few hours. At some point he had rolled to his back, and Carolyn was curled up against him. This was not the first time he had woken up in bed with her, but now, in the dim moonlight, he brushed her hair back from her face with a kind of awe he hadn't felt before.
She loved him. That had been his dearest wish, yet he had not allowed himself to expect it. Truthfully he felt relieved as much as anything else. He had feared there would always be a tension brought on by the disparity of feelings between them. He knew they would have problems in the future, for no relationship could exist without them, but now he hoped this marriage would be easier than it might have been otherwise.
Carolyn shifted and stretched. "Tell me it isn't morning," she muttered into his shoulder.
Cameron chuckled. "It isn't," he said, trailing his fingers up her bare arm.
She hummed as though she doubted him. "And you would not be saying that just to please me?"
"I have much better ways of pleasing you," he replied with a smirk.
Carolyn narrowed her eyes at him, and then suddenly she was straddling him and his smirk vanished as he gasped. "Do you now," she said, planting her hands on his shoulders and wriggling her hips.
She leaned forward then and nuzzled his jaw. He thought about complaining, but he found that he rather enjoyed her teasing. She settled her weight fully on him, resting her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her. He played with her hair and she ran her fingernails lightly over his chest. "I'm sorry," she said.
His brain wasn't working very well with her naked body draped over him. "For what?"
She sighed. "I accused you of being unfaithful," she replied. "I should have known better. I do know better."
"I knew you were upset with me," Cameron said lowly. "I thought I should leave you alone for the time being."
That made her laugh, and her body rubbed against his in a way that made him groan. "I was upset with you because you were leaving me alone."
"I thought it was because of that night I came back from Icaria," he said, frowning. "I did not ask if you wanted me there. I thought..."
She pushed herself up enough to meet his gaze. "Cameron, if I do not want your attentions, I will tell you."
He closed his eyes for a moment in relief. "You only ever have to say no."
"I know that," she replied, and he believed her. Something in her expression puzzled him, but then she stretched and moved off of him. "I should go."
Cameron followed her, sitting up and kissing her bare shoulder. "You should stay."
Her eyes fluttered closed, but she remained undeterred even as his kisses strayed lower. "Have you forgotten what I was wearing when I arrived?"
"I doubt I will ever forget that, Carolyn."
She laughed and swatted his knee. "I should get back to my chambers. I would rather not be here in the morning without clothes." But she leaned into his caresses even as she spoke.
"We have servants," he pointed out, "who will fetch your entire wardrobe if needed. So you could stay a little longer." He nudged her to turn her head, and when he kissed her, she responded eagerly and pushed him down onto his back again.
A little while later, Carolyn was sprawled on the bed beside him, both of them panting. He rolled to his side, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her close. "Stay," he asked quietly. He cared less about her attire or gossip than having her with him all night, and he was too comfortable to move.
She nodded, her fingers trailing up and down his arm lazily.
A few minutes passed quietly, but despite the late hour, Carolyn didn't appear to be sleepy. Cameron said nothing until she sighed. Despite everything that had happened between them in the last few hours, he tensed. "What is wrong?"
Carolyn didn't meet his eyes. "There is something else that has been bothering me, aside from our... misunderstanding." She pulled away from his arms slightly and he let her go so that she could sit up. He waited in silence until she gathered her thoughts. "While you were away, I did my best to handle as much of your work as I was able, but I was thwarted repeatedly. Many of the noblemen refused to believe I could even help them. I lost count of the number who said they would wait until you returned to have their concerns addressed."
Her voice had been growing more angry as she spoke and he hardly blamed her, remembering what he'd overheard in the stable just the other day. "I've noticed that as well. It seems as though half the court has decided our marriage rendered you incapable of doing anything."
"More than half," Carolyn said bitterly.
Cameron hesitated, but he wanted her to know. "If it is any consolation, Carolyn, I do not think of you that way, and I never have. Whatever my other feelings, I still think you're more fit to run the country than I will ever be."
She laughed a little at that. "I'm not sure I envy you that task, Cameron." She paused for a moment, then frowned. "What do you mean, whatever your other feelings?"
Cameron could feel his ears getting hot. "I only meant that no matter how much I desire you, how much I look forward to having a family with you, I seem to be able to harbor those feelings and still value your counsel at the same time."
She leaned over and kissed him. "Would that all noblemen were as sensible," she said wryly. "I am not sure what to do about this."
"We could speak to your father," he suggested. "It might be time to pursue changing the succession."
"I'm not certain how far you will get with that notion."
He shrugged, his voice growing more forceful as he spoke. "Perhaps nowhere, but pursuing it will let the entire court know what my opinion is of your value to the country, and hopefully send a message about denigrating my wife's abilities ever again."
Carolyn laughed again, stretching out in the bed alongside him. "That is a very political step to take, Prince. I am impressed."
He tickled her for a minute in retaliation before they settled down again. "I wanted to ask you something."
"What is it?"
"Come with me to Atlantis," he said. "To my cousin's wedding. I do not want to be away from you for so long."
She touched his face tenderly and smiled at him. "It certainly took you long enough to ask me."
Cameron rolled his eyes. "Carolyn."
"Yes, I will go with you, Cameron, but on one condition," she replied. At his curious look, she added, "That we stop keeping things from each other. We have enough concerns without adding to our problems that way."
He leaned in and kissed her. "I will try."
Carolyn was satisfied with that answer, and within a few minutes, she was asleep in his arms once more. But Cameron lay awake for a little while, thinking of the mistakes they had made and wondering what mistakes lay before them. He was learning how to be a prince, but at the same time he was learning how to be a husband, and she was learning how to be a wife. They would never be perfect, but they would get better. Somehow he was sure of it.
And he was looking forward to his cousin's wedding immensely now. It would be good to get out of Redwater again, this time with his wife at his side.