Fic: Recovery (3/3)
Meta and part 1
And now, the conclusion.
Before supper, John walked to Jack's chambers and knocked. A minute later, the door opened and Charles appeared on the other side. "Oh," he said.
"Were you expecting someone else?" John asked.
"I take it you're here to see my father," said Charles.
"Is he here?"
"Is he expecting you?"
"Can you give me an actual answer?"
Charles glared at him for a moment and then walked back into the room. "Father," he said toward an open door within. "You have a guest."
Jack came out of the other room and Charles excused himself. John waited until the door was shut, and then he cleared his throat. "I assume you did not know that your son is courting Kate Heightmeyer," he remarked. Jack was visibly startled by this news, and John knew he'd been right to reveal it. The reaction did make him wonder about Jack's relationship with his only child, but John would leave that be for now. It was none of his business anyway. "I would have thought that the possibility of challenging your own son for an affront to Kate's honor would have driven you mad by now."
"Well, I thank you for your information," Jack said, somewhat awkwardly. "How did you know?"
"He came upon me yesterday morning when Kate was embracing me," John explained. "He was not very happy."
Jack waved him toward a chair, and John sat down. Jack followed him, though with a grimace on his face. "The change in the weather hasn't been good to me in years," he said. "But at least the heat is long gone."
John laughed. "Heat? You should have been with me, Jack."
"Believe me, my lord, I am from the Talas mountains. I know what summer is in the south."
John said nothing in response, and Jack, amazingly, began to squirm. "I assume you did not come here to tell me about Kate," he said.
"No," John replied. "We have not spoken in the time I've been back. You have not been with the queen at any time."
Jack glared at him. "Has your title made you a politician after all?"
"That is not a terrible thing for men in our positions," John pointed out.
"It is not a terrible thing for a man who may seek to marry a queen, either."
John didn't take the bait. He had no idea if Jack had spoken to Lord George, but it was beside the point. He had not come to talk about Elizabeth. "What happened, Jack?" he asked bluntly.
Jack was still for a while, staring at nothing. "I spoke out against the queen."
"An offense she would have forgiven by now," John pointed out. "I have heard as much already. I have also heard that one of the noblemen knew of the weapon that saved Caldora from the Goa'uld, a weapon which my cousin tells me you witnessed when the Asgard came to the summit but was shown only to yourself and the queen. How could this other man have known about it?"
"Were you always this shrewd?" Jack asked ruefully. "I told Woolsey. The queen and I had been butting heads over this weapon almost since the moment we witnessed it in Neill." Jack stood and walked to the window. "I believed my best friend would be dead in a matter of hours, and one of my closest mentors was also gravely ill. I was angry. I fought with her. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life that night."
John fell silent. He had deduced Jack's actions already, but the depth of his remorse was a little surprising to John. He had never taken Jack to be the type of man who wallowed in regrets. "Have you tried to speak to the queen?"
Jack nodded. "The morning she lost the support of the college for the navy. I knew I had made a tremendous mistake. I tried to speak to her, but it was too late. Lorne and I found her unconscious in her study."
John had not heard that particular detail, and the image of Elizabeth alone and sick and unable to cry out for help made his throat close for a moment. There was no use, though, in this fear and worry in hindsight. Elizabeth was alive and well.
"Well," he said, getting to his feet, "I came here to thank you."
Jack's head snapped up. "For what?"
"You sent word about the Tok'ra," John replied, "and you sent the Asgard. Without those acts Caldora surely would have been overrun. A Caldoran honors his debts, and I owe you a great deal."
John nodded then and took his leave. The situation with Jack and Elizabeth was perplexing, and he wondered if there was something he could do, anything that would at least get them speaking to each other again. Though he could understand Elizabeth's anger, he also knew the separation between them benefited no one.
Whether they could restore some measure of their old relationship would be entirely up to them.
*~*~*~*
Elizabeth met with Lord George at evening, the two of them sharing a comfortable meal together in his quarters. However, it did little to allay her fears for his well-being. The fever had killed a number in the palace, and at first Elizabeth had been relieved to know that her cousin and her guardian had survived. Her guardian's failure to regain his old strength, though, worried her greatly, even as she strove to remain cheerful in his presence.
She also kept catching him staring at her in a way that was at once odd and familiar. She could not remember when he had been prone to watch her like that, nor could she discern why he was watching her so closely now. Something was transpiring under her nose and she knew not what.
The supper was perhaps more instructive than she had expected, and she felt a little sad when she had left Lord George. Without thinking about it, she wandered down to the stables, where she found John alone with the horses.
"My lord," she said softly.
He looked away from his steed in surprise. "My lady," he replied. "What brings you here?"
She almost shrugged, coming forward to him. "I have not been here in some time."
"I'm afraid Silvanus was in desperate need of grooming," John said, seeming a little unsure of what was transpiring. "I am surprised one of the groomsmen did not see to it, but it is just as well. Gives me something to do."
Elizabeth smiled at him and walked past him to Megaera's stall. John's horse had been placed next to hers. "These two always got along very well," she commented.
"Yes, even when his master and her mistress were not," John agreed. Megaera nuzzled Elizabeth's face, earning a laugh from John. "I think she wants something from you."
Elizabeth smiled ruefully. "I wasn't planning to come down here. I haven't got anything for her."
"For shame," he teased. Then, a moment later, he set a bright red apple on the top of the stall door. "At least one of us was prepared."
Elizabeth blushed, but she took up the apple and offered it to her mare. Megaera whinnied in approval before eating it. John, meanwhile, stepped inside the stall to brush his horse's coat. "When was the last time you went riding?" he asked.
She thought about it for a moment. "Honestly? I don't remember," she replied. "I didn't take her with me this summer, and I was gone so long. I know the groomsmen exercised her while I was gone, but it's been a long time."
"What would you say to riding with me?"
He asked the question calmly, but the look he gave her afterward was a little anxious, like he was aware that he had stepped past the bounds of propriety. It amused Elizabeth a little, as John had never been able to stay within the role he was supposed to occupy in her court. "If I can find some time," she said. "It would be lovely to get out of the palace, but this situation with the college has occupied most of my time."
John looked at her with a soft smile on his face. "I meant now, my lady."
"Now?" Elizabeth replied. "But it will be full dark soon."
He shrugged. "There will be a full moon tonight," he pointed out. "And not a cloud in the sky. It will be a beautiful night for it."
"I doubt Captain Lorne will be amenable to the idea," she said, lowering her voice. She did not add that Marcus had nearly died defending her when her party was attacked during a ride on the mainland. Though many years had passed since then, she could remember the fear of that day all too well.
John seemed to understand her concerns, but he stopped tending to Silvanus and leaned over the stall door. "It could just be you and me," he said lowly. "We could slip away after dusk. The captain may have his concerns, but we would stay away from the villages. There would be no danger I could not protect you from."
Megaera had finished eating the apple, and Elizabeth stroked her mane. There were a number of logical reasons not to do this, but the way John was looking at her was just as powerful. The temptation he was offering was simply too much to resist. She pouted at him. "Were you always able to get your way with me, John?"
He feigned hurt. "Have you forgotten so soon?"
She smiled and brushed her knuckles against his cheek. His eyes closed for a moment at her touch. "If the captain does not raise an objection, I would be glad to go with you," she told him.
On her way out of the stable, she stopped in front of Marcus, who was looking rather grumpy already. "How much of that did you overhear?" she asked him bluntly.
To his credit, he did not try to deny it. "I do not like the idea," he told her. "But I know he will protect you as I would."
As they walked back into the palace, Elizabeth remarked, "You have been remarkably understanding about all of this, Marcus."
He grumbled something in response. She tried not to laugh at him.
Kate and Laura were surprised but pleased by the plan, and entering fully into the spirit of things, helped her change into one of Kate's dresses and her cloak, the better to conceal her identity should anyone come seeking the queen. Shortly after dusk, Elizabeth headed out of the palace by the quieter passageways. John had both their horses out of the stable, saddled and ready to go. He helped Elizabeth onto Megaera while Silvanus stood patiently nearby, and when they were both mounted they set forth, Captain Lorne watching them anxiously from the side yard.
The night was as John had predicted, full of moonlight. Even the forested mainland was bright enough for them to see well down their path. The novelty of being out in the moonlight thrilled Elizabeth. Eventually, though, they turned off the main road at John's urging, and to Elizabeth's delight they soon arrived at a little pool in a clearing.
"I imagine you have been here before," he remarked while helping her down from her horse.
"Laura and Kate and I learned to swim here," she said. "It seemed bigger then, but I was only eight."
John chuckled. "I am not surprised." Standing behind her, he bent his head to kiss her neck slowly, sending a shiver through her that had nothing to do with the night air. "Who taught you?"
"Daniel," Elizabeth replied, "and Jack."
"I should have guessed." John took her hand and drew her away from the horses, who had started to drink from the pool. There was a large felled tree nearby, and there they sat side by side.
Elizabeth didn't know what to say. It occurred to her abruptly that they were utterly alone. They had found time to themselves over the last few days, but to say they were alone was stretching the truth. Now, though, there were no guards, no attendants or advisers to disrupt them. The thought was liberating, and almost frightening.
John touched her cheek, turning her face toward him, and he leaned in to kiss her. Elizabeth drew away after a few moments. "This was a good idea, John."
He smirked. "I thought you'd enjoy it."
She leaned against him and let him wrap his arm around her. This was the kind of escape she so desperately needed. It was not merely his romantic attentions she had enjoyed these few days, but his companionship as well. Sometimes they didn't even have to speak. He always seemed to know her thoughts before she said a word.
He was playing with a loosened lock of her hair when she sighed. "What is it?" he asked.
"I wish I could stay here," Elizabeth replied. "So much fell apart while you were gone."
"I know," he said, kissing the top of her head.
"Lord George is not recovering as he ought," she said, finally saying the truth aloud. "His fever broke before mine or Daniel's but he is still too weak. I fear..."
John took her hand in his. "What?"
"I fear he should not stay in Atlantis," she admitted. "Hammond would be a quieter life for him. He would have his son and daughter and granddaughters with him. I would rather have him there than watch him kill himself trying to serve me as he once did, but I do not know what I would do without his guidance."
"Or without his influence over your cousin and Jack." Elizabeth stiffened, but John did not apologize for mentioning him. "Are you not worried that they could be more at odds with each other than they probably are now?"
It took her some time, but eventually she said, "Yes."
"You know Jack is a good man," he pressed.
Elizabeth stood up, turning away from him. "John, what he did to me..."
"I know," John interrupted, his voice serious. "There was no excuse. I am not defending him."
"I hate this," she said, walking along the edge of the pond. "Jack has always been my friend. When the others were thinking about politics, he was the one to think of what their decisions would do to me. I never believed him capable of turning on me."
She looked at John, who had rested his elbows on his knees as he stared at the pond. "Elizabeth, I know what it is to face betrayal from those you trusted," he replied, surprising her a little. "And I know what it is to have no choice but to set the past aside. It is not pleasant, but sometimes it is necessary."
Elizabeth stared at him, wondering. He had been exiled from his homeland by his peers, and she knew that that betrayal had been inordinately painful for him. While she had thought often about what the last six months had been like for him, returning to Caldora and fighting, she had not really considered what it had meant to be fighting alongside the men who had expelled him from the country. He had spent some time in court, too, forced to do business with those who had convicted him wrongly.
"How did you countenance it?" she asked him.
John huffed out a breath. "Not with much grace, I admit." Elizabeth smiled a little. "But I had no alternative. And there are things about my exile that I am grateful for."
Her cheeks flushed slightly at his implication. John rose then and approached her, setting his hands upon her shoulders. "Your anger with Jack is just," he said. "But there is a time and place for mercy."
She touched his face, knowing that he was right. "It is not easy."
"It never is." John dropped his hands along her sides and pulled her into his embrace. "But you are capable of this. I know it."
Sliding her hand to the back of his head, Elizabeth pulled him down, bringing his mouth to hers. He let out a small sound of surprise, but she was undeterred. Though she had never been this bold before, it felt right to kiss him. It felt right to be in his arms, alone with him. Heat flooded her body when his hands slid down her back, past her waist, bringing her even closer.
"John," she gasped, when they parted just long enough to breathe.
He murmured her name and kissed her again, but this time was less intense. His hands left her body and he took a step back. "Perhaps we should think about going back," he said. "The captain will be worried. Not to mention anyone who comes looking for you."
She reached for his hands, though. "In a little while, John," she replied. "Give me just a little while."
He lifted her hand and kissed it tenderly. "As long as you need."
*~*~*~*
Lord George was slightly surprised when the queen asked for him the next morning. They had spoken over supper the night before and she had resisted talking of too much business through the meal. It had been a blatant attempt to lift his spirits, and it had fallen rather flat. Certainty had been building in him for some days and after their shared meal, he had sat in his rooms quietly, wondering how to broach the subject of what must happen next.
Elizabeth had summoned him to her rooms, rather than her audience chamber, and when she took her seat across the table from him, Laura and Kate as well as Captain Lorne vacated the room.
They had sat this way on many mornings over the last year, sharing breakfast and planning and processing the business of the realm. Today she looked more somber than he had seen her in some while.
Elizabeth sighed. "My lord, I know there is a decision before us, but I find I lack the words to even begin."
He nodded. "I know, my lady. But I fear we must acknowledge the reality in front of us. You must know that I wish to remain here in service-"
Elizabeth cut him off. "And you must know that I will not suffer you to endanger your health for my sake. Not after all the sacrifices you have made for me. You deserve to rest, after all this time." She bit her lip. "Though I confess, I am not sure what I shall do without you."
"You have only to say the word, Majesty, and I will return whenever I am needed." She nodded, but he suspected that summons would never come. She would write to him, ask for his advice, but short of another war, he would never be as present in her life again.
It was that thought which had kept him from saying this to her for weeks. He had to clear his throat as the truth of it sank in.
Elizabeth reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "I cannot begin to thank you for all that you have done for me, and will continue to do." There were tears in her eyes as she looked up at him. "You have been the only father I have had for these ten years. I would not be here today if not for the care and loyalty you have given to me."
He folded his hand on top of hers, patting it gently. "Elizabeth, you are as dear to me as my own children. I hope you know that my service has never been as much about duty, nor even my promise to your father, as it has been out of love."
Both of them were too emotional to speak right away and Elizabeth withdrew her hand with a small laugh, reaching for her kerchief. She dried her eyes and stood. He followed suit but placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead. "Trust yourself, Elizabeth. Whatever catastrophes may have come or may yet arrive, you are capable of weathering them." She made a wry face at that, then embraced him.
After a long moment they parted and he let out a deep breath. "It will take some days to settle everything, so you are not quite rid of me yet, my lady. I will speak to Daniel and Jack to begin preparing today."
Elizabeth nodded. "Please keep Teyla advised as well, for I believe she will remain in court for the present and her help may be invaluable."
He had his suspicions of why Teyla had settled herself in court and why Elizabeth was relying so much more on the young countess, but he merely nodded and kept silent. He was about to become merely an observer in the queen's life and he would need to begin getting used to the role.
*~*~*~*
The moment had arrived when Elizabeth could no longer postpone her meeting with the Iolanian ambassador. If her excuses grew much more contrived a stiff wind would blow them apart. To atone for having kept such a prominent ally waiting so long, she ordered a private supper for the audience.
Before that meeting, though, as she was sitting with Daniel and Peter discussing the ramifications of Lord George's departure, Captain Lorne brought a request she granted immediately. She hastened to her private audience chamber and was barely seated before the doors opened and a small figure in a simple cloak appeared. She smiled with genuine warmth. "Master Thor, it is a pleasure to see you returned at last."
"Majesty," the priest replied, inclining his head deferentially. "It is a great relief to return to Atlantis and the sanctuary."
After urging him to sit down, Elizabeth inquired after his journey and Thor offered a few tidbits of information regarding the state of things in Caldora. He had gone south again after the summit meeting in Neill and was only just returned home with most of the priests who had left in the early summer. The Asgard had left Caldora before John but, traveling in wagons, it had taken them longer to reach the northern coast. Thor had not heard of John's decision regarding the Sodan, and they spoke for a little while about the implications of the news.
At length, Master Thor turned serious eyes upon her. "Majesty, is it true that the college of lords has been informed of the gunpowder?"
Elizabeth suddenly felt nervous. The Asgard's expression reminded her of the same look he had given her when as a child she had not been as diligent in her lessons as she should. Uncertain what to say, she simply nodded.
Thor persisted. "And is it also true the college has demanded not only that Atalan pursue the gunpowder but has reallocated support intended for the navy to this task?"
Bitterness surged but Elizabeth remembered her conversation with John the night before. It was time to move on and deal with what was in front of her, rather than what was behind. After a deep breath, she sighed. "It is. Jack informed Lord Richard Woolsey of the existence of the gunpowder and it was used as a bargaining chip to weaken the navy project. No decisions have yet been made as to how precisely to proceed, though. I expect the college will take up the matter of developing the weapon once they return."
"And the ambassadors?" he asked shrewdly.
"Are politely screaming in alarm and protest at the thought of Atalan so rearming itself," she conceded.
Master Thor sat quietly for a moment. Elizabeth had always marveled that so tiny a person could project such an air of gravity. Finally he seemed to rouse himself. "Majesty, the Asgard chose to use the gunpowder in defense of Caldora against a foe it could not defeat alone, because the possibility of Caldora falling to the Goa'uld would undermine the peace and security of most of the continent. In so doing, we understood that revealing the existence of such a weapon would incite any who saw it to pursue mastery of it, and once that process was begun, it could not be stopped. But I find myself appalled that thirst for such power comes not from the Goa'uld or even the Caldorans, but from Atalan, where the Asgard have been at home for so long."
Sitting on the royal throne, Elizabeth flinched. It was on the tip of her tongue to point out that if Thor wished to lay blame somewhere, it should rest on Jack's shoulders, but she checked herself. Instead, she replied coolly, "I find it natural that our country, which is still vulnerable to enemies both on land and sea, would seek any advantage to further our safety and protection."
Thor nodded slightly. "Natural, yes, but not necessarily wise. A competition for mastery of such a powerful new weapon could destabilize the entire continent, and this is an outcome which the Asgard will not aid." He stood, smoothing his cloak down. "Majesty, understand this. The Asgard will render no assistance to any nation seeking mastery of the gunpowder. We will not share our knowledge or any information regarding this weapon. To do so would assist in undermining peace throughout the lands. We will leave Atalan entirely if we must."
Elizabeth was so startled by this pronouncement that she could not muster a word to say as Master Thor bowed to her and swept from the room. She sat in contemplation so long that Peter appeared at the door, reminding her that her dinner with the ambassador was waiting.
Elizabeth shook herself and proceeded to the private dining room, where a man with short silver hair and a weathered face waited. Lord Henry Hayes had served as Iolan's ambassador to Atalan for many years and had been a friend of her father's. He had in fact retired to his estates three years ago. The fact that Radek had called upon him to come and deliver Iolan's objections regarding the gunpowder was a silent signal of how seriously the new king was taking this issue. Lord Henry had the weight of years and familiarity to bring to bear on her and no scruple about using them.
Inwardly Elizabeth reflected that the level of her diplomatic relations with her country's oldest ally had just jumped up several notches with her cousin and former suitor now her counterpart in Iolan. Radek was an extremely shrewd man.
They sat to table and Elizabeth yielded to temptation and inquired for particulars regarding Natalya's illness and Radek's succession to the throne. Till now she had not spent much time thinking on it, but Lord Henry would be able to give her more detail than a younger, less influential man, and she was curious as to Radek's state of mind.
When she had heard the story and the main course of the meal had arrived, Lord Henry grew more serious. "I'm certain you know the reason I was sent here, Majesty."
Elizabeth nodded. "Iolan has concerns regarding the new weapon."
"Among other things," Hayes replied. She raised her eyebrows. "It is one thing to hear an ally and neighbor is at work on developing a devastating new weapon of war, my lady. To hear that the same ally is also reinforcing the borders between you is even more alarming."
Only years of training kept her from squirming in her seat. "The improvements are to be for all the borders of the nation, my lord. Given the recent aggression by the Goa'uld, it is only prudent to look to our defenses. Better to do so now than regret not doing it after they have attacked."
"True enough, Majesty, but can you explain why Atalan, which is at far more danger from sea than land, would abandon protecting its coast from an existing threat to arm itself against peaceful neighbors and an enemy recently beaten and, if reports are to be believed, busy fighting a civil war?"
Elizabeth's expression cooled. While she knew exactly how ridiculous this turn of events had been, it was not for a foreigner, even an old and respected friend, to try and force her into speaking against her own people. "I'm certain such arguments for inactivity and complacency were familiar to your ears, my lord, in the years just before the Ori appeared."
Lord Henry looked away and Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. Rebuke delivered, she softened her voice. "You know full well that my greatest concern is with the threat of the Wraith and the danger they pose to my people as well as yours. But there are legitimate reasons to take the winter months to see to the other defenses. I learned my father's lessons well and will not be caught unprepared if I can prevent it."
He nodded. "I understand that, my lady, but I hope you are able to see how this appears to the rest of the world. Atalan is rearming itself, fortifying its borders and expanding its military. It is not difficult to turn such facts into fears."
Elizabeth smiled somewhat ruefully. "I can, though it is strange to me to think of wanting even more responsibility than I have now. Ruling a single country is consuming enough."
The tension in the room eased at that and as the dessert was placed before them, the conversation turned back to the gunpowder. "I will tell you candidly, my lord, I would have preferred more time to deliberate, but I must concede there is some need for urgency. The Goa'uld have witnessed the power of this gunpowder already." She thought briefly of Lord Mitchell, explaining both the gunpowder and the vicious destruction of the city of Cheyenne in Caldora to her during the secret summit meeting. "They may be fighting amongst themselves now, but they will do whatever they must to acquire this weapon eventually. We will need to be ready."
"I cannot argue with such reasoning," Lord Henry replied. "But that does not allay the concerns of Iolan regarding how and where such a weapon might be used."
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Do you think Atalan could be tempted use it against our oldest and closest ally?"
He looked back at her grimly. "Begging your pardon, my lady, there is no telling what corruption power can spread when it is concentrated in one nation. Power such as this is seductive. I have seen it before. Possessing such a weapon will lead men to ask themselves, 'Why do we have this, if not to use it?'"
Given the recent insurrection of her own nobles, Elizabeth felt her stomach turn slightly at that thought. She could all too easily imagine Samuels making such an argument. Not perhaps against Iolan, but there was always some foe to be chased. In her heart she admitted that if the gunpowder proved effective, even she would probably not hesitate much to use it against the Wraith if it would end their reign of terror for good.
And then what? If the Wraith were eliminated, would the sense of triumph only make her long for more conquests?
Elizabeth was not sure of the answer to that question.
"My lady?" Lord Henry queried quietly.
She shook her head slightly. "Forgive me. My mind wandered for a moment." She leaned back in her chair, drinking from her cup and forcing her mind back to the present. "Has Iolan anything else to say aside from your concerns?"
Lord Henry laid down his spoon and looked at her steadily. "The king wanted me to express a wish that Atalan and Iolan could work together on this task, as we have on so many other projects in the past."
Elizabeth knew without asking that the words were a direct quote. She heard Radek's voice in the message. He had always had a knack for seeing the long term.
She wasn't opposed to the idea. Partnering with Iolan would ease the burden on Atalan's resources, and also appease the tension between the countries. However, it would also only exacerbate tensions with the Jaffa, the Tok'ra and all Atalan's other allies.
Unless...
"Majesty?" For the second time Lord Henry recalled her to the present, though now he looked highly curious. Her cheeks were flushed and her mind was racing.
The college would object, especially Samuels and Woolsey, but Elizabeth suspected seating them opposite Teal'c and allowing them to explain their anger would bring them around fairly quickly. It was a diplomatic matter, an issue of the nation's security, and as such it was her prerogative.
It might even soothe Master Thor's fears.
If she could get it to work.
"My lord," she said, leaning closer and folding her hands in her lap to keep from tapping her fingers nervously. "I believe I may have a solution."
*~*~*~*
The fourth time Kate was woken by the sound of a pen scritching across parchment, she finally gave up the pretense of ignoring the source. "Elizabeth," she said, so loudly that Elizabeth jumped. "What is going on?"
"I've had an idea," Elizabeth said, turning back to her desk. "Go back to sleep."
"Have you been having ideas all night?" Kate asked, tossing the covers aside and getting out bed. It was a little chilly, but she didn't intend to be out of bed for long. "This is not the first time you've woken me."
The queen looked guilty, but not enough. "Kate, I'll be done in a few minutes."
"What is going on?" Kate asked again, sitting down near the fireplace. "Even with John here, something has been troubling you. Are you still trying to find a way around the college?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "Not exactly. I - I know I can't just ignore them, much as I might want to. But I may have found something that might allow me to neutralize what they did."
"Is it a coincidence that you came upon this idea after you finally started speaking to the ambassadors again?" she teased.
Elizabeth made a face but didn't deny it, so Kate walked up to the desk and looked at what she was writing. "Writing to Radek?" she said, surprised at what she saw.
Elizabeth nodded. "I have never been more nervous about writing to him."
Kate smiled ruefully, smoothing Elizabeth's hair back and resting her hand on her friend's shoulder. Since the letters that had upset Elizabeth so before her collapse, Radek had written once again, expressing his relief at the news of her recovery. Kate knew that Elizabeth had not replied to him yet. She had been too busy once she had recovered enough to work again, but Kate strongly suspected that she had also not known quite what to say to him.
"Do you think he will object to your idea?" she queried, as Elizabeth focused again on her writing still without answering Kate's original question.
"It is possible," Elizabeth replied, finally turning from the desk. "Kate, I want to invite our allies to join us in working to develop this substance. Master Thor is right. For us to pursue it alone would upset the balance of power on the continent. With this we can at least make the offer to share with our friends."
"Not to mention, gain their help," Kate mused. Elizabeth had told her earlier of Thor's determination not to help Atalan in this matter. "After all, the nation which produced Rodney McKay must have another genius or two tucked away somewhere."
Elizabeth smiled, turning as if to go back to her letter. "Yes, exactly."
Kate took the pen from Elizabeth's hand. "But you, my lady, must come back to bed immediately," she said. "This will keep until morning."
Elizabeth grumbled but made her way back across the room. "Were you always this insistent, or was Laura really that distracting?"
Kate extinguished the candle at the desk and got back into bed herself. "I think we both underestimated Laura's ability to distract from anything and everything," she answered. "But it's times like these that make me long for the day you are married, my lady."
"And why is that?"
"Your husband will have the pleasure of dealing with your ideas in the third watch, while I get to sleep through them."
*~*~*~*
There was a knock on Jack's door very early in the morning. At first he did not consider it, as he was far more interested in the curve of Sarah's neck and shoulder, and how he knew she would shift her body against his if he kissed just the right spot. But the knock came again and he woke more fully, realizing that he needed to get to the door before someone opened it.
He hastened from the bed, throwing on his dressing gown on his way to the door. On the other side was a royal messenger. Jack blinked several times. His first thought was that the man was looking for Sarah and that their affair had been discovered. Then he shook himself mentally. It had been a long time since a royal messenger had come looking for him, but not that long. "Yes?" he said, running his hand through his hair.
"The queen requests your presence, my lord," the man said simply, before he bowed and departed.
Jack closed the door, thinking of his conversation with Sheppard the other day and wondering if the young marquis had anything to do with the summons.
He was quickly distracted from any such thought as Sarah roused in his bed. She sat up, covered by a sheet, and her hair was a mess. The sight made him smile a little as he fetched his clothes. "Jack?" she said.
"The queen has asked for me," he replied, getting dressed.
"Indeed? Have you any idea why?"
Jack shook his head. "I imagine I will find out in due course."
"I shall not deter you, then." Sarah was silent only for a few moments, though. "You know this is why I said I shouldn't stay the night."
"I know." Jack held in a sigh. "You should probably get dressed. If someone came for me, you're likely wanted too."
Sarah got out of bed, and Jack tried not to stare at her too much as she dressed, at least when she didn't need his assistance. "I keep telling myself this is the last time," she said as he laced up her gown. "One of these days someone will discover us. But I can't seem to keep away."
Jack rested his hands on her shoulders, and she leaned back against him, taking deep, deliberate breaths. "Sarah, is something wrong?" he asked, suddenly concerned at her manner. "Is there something we should talk about?"
"Nothing that cannot wait," she replied. "Go to the queen, Jack. She has asked for you."
She did not need to explain the importance of that, so with a kiss, Jack departed. During the walk to the Elizabeth's chambers, he strove to put Sarah from his mind, focusing instead on what he knew the queen was dealing with now. He had heard that Elizabeth had spoken with both Thor and the Iolanian ambassador the previous evening. That anyone was being summoned to her presence before breakfast suggested that she had perhaps come upon a way to keep the ambassadors happy without ignoring the college.
One of the guards at the queen's door looked somewhat surprised to see him, but Jack let it pass unremarked upon. Once inside, he had something much greater to contend with, for he was not the only one Elizabeth had called. Lady Teyla was in the antechamber, as was Daniel. The lady quickly found something else to look at when Jack entered, but Daniel did not avoid his gaze. There was some anger still there, but perhaps less than Jack would have expected. Though that could have been a function of the early hour.
"You're looking well, Daniel," Jack said, trying to be honest and for once non-confrontational.
Daniel opened his mouth to reply, but the door swung open and Elizabeth entered, Kate close behind her. "Good, everyone has arrived," she said quietly. "Please be seated."
They gathered in chairs in the middle of the room. Daniel spoke first. "Majesty, how may we serve you?" he asked, quite formally.
Elizabeth cleared her throat quietly. "Almost since the hour I awoke from the fever, I have been trying to determine how best to proceed with the decision the college made," she said. She was not looking at Jack. "Master Thor told me in no uncertain terms that the Asgard will not support Atalan's development of gunpowder, and that we risk losing them as allies over this matter."
That made Jack startle. If the Asgard did not want any nation to possess the weapon, why had they invented it?
"However, I believe I may have found a way to mitigate Master Thor's concerns, reassure our allies of our continued friendship, and fulfill the letter of the college's will, if perhaps not the spirit."
"How?" Jack blurted out. The rest in the room stared at him, but he kept his eyes on the queen steadfastly.
"I wish to share this knowledge," Elizabeth explained. "More than that, though. I wish to draw our allies into our development of this weapon, if they want to join us. I have no desire to upset the balance of power among our allies."
"It would also lessen the burden on Atalan's purse strings if other nations were to contribute," Teyla remarked.
"Indeed." The queen looked to her cousin. "What think you, my lord?"
"I believe it is a shrewd plan," he said. "I am not convinced that it will work, for some in the college will howl in objection, but perhaps it will convince the Asgard that you are being fair and open-handed about this."
Elizabeth nodded. "The three of you represent the broadest connections within the college and the ambassadors," she replied. "I will need all of you to help in this."
Teyla and Daniel agreed immediately, and then Elizabeth looked at Jack in silent question. "I am at your service, Majesty," he said, meeting her eyes.
"Good," she said, with another slight nod. "The ambassadors are dining with me tonight. You three will join us. Tomorrow, if all goes well with the ambassadors, we will begin to inform the college of our decision."
This time, she would leave no room for the college to question her, for implicit in her tone was a warning that she would tolerate no dissent among her closest friends and advisors. Jack thought it was probably wise, and this time he was determined to be seen on the queen's side from beginning to end.
"In the meantime, I would have you speak with the ambassadors," Elizabeth continued. "Gauge their reaction to this idea. I do not want them any of them to be surprised by this tonight."
She rose, and they stood with her. "Lord Jonathan, if I could have a word with you?" she said.
The others took their leave, and even Kate retreated to the bedchamber. Jack stood still, as though under inspection, while Elizabeth watched him and seemed to gather herself. "You have not atoned for what you did to me," she said lowly. There was an openness to her tone which surprised him a little. "I am not sure what would redeem you. But I am trusting you in this matter, Jack. Do not ever abuse that again."
"Yes, Majesty," he replied almost automatically. He started toward the door, but then he paused. "My lady."
Elizabeth blinked a few times. "Yes?"
Jack took a deep breath. "I am sorry," he said. "More than I can say."
Her expression softened, and for a moment Jack thought he saw a flicker of warmth in her eyes. She looked down. "It is time to work, Jack," she said. "You are dismissed."
She had not accepted his apology, but as Jack left the room he did not care. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders in saying the words. He could find his way back into her good graces with time.
*~*~*~*
Elizabeth was in better spirits thanks to both the morning meeting and a hearty breakfast. It was still early, so she elected to take a short walk before the press of regular business began. However, in response to her invitation, a servant informed her that Lord John was already up and had been seen heading for the shore.
Slightly alarmed, Elizabeth made her way through the slowly wakening castle with Marcus and Kate behind her. When they came outside, finding John on the north side of the island, Kate and Marcus held back. With a smile, Kate urged Elizabeth onward, to the solitary figure at the water's edge.
John was standing very still, his arms crossed over his chest as he gazed toward the open ocean. On this side of the island, the palace came nearly to the water's edge. Above them was the ballroom, where no one would be so early in the morning. It gave Elizabeth a sense of privacy she had rarely felt, and that in turn gave her boldness.
"My lord."
He glanced at her before turning his eyes northward again. "I missed the sea," he said. "I did not realize how much."
"So did I," Elizabeth replied. "It was as though a part of me was gone."
"I know the feeling."
John looked at her then, meeting her eyes and telling her more, as he always had so easily. The time apart had not dulled his ability, nor exaggerated it in her memory.
She crossed the short distance between them, laid her hand upon his shoulder, and kissed him softly. She kept it brief, but the feeling of his lips moving against hers sent a chill through her that had nothing to do with the autumn morning, and she hoped the feeling would never get old.
"How long until you must leave?" she asked.
He smiled wistfully and touched her face. "How do you always know?"
"You seemed agitated yesterday, and now you are up since dawn," Elizabeth replied, slipping her hand around his arm and looking out at the ocean. "And I knew the day you returned that you could not stay long."
John nodded quickly. "I wrote my cousin the next morning and told him to watch for my return within a few days." He took a deep breath. "I cannot delay my departure further, Elizabeth."
"I know." She bit her lip, an old habit from childhood, upon seeing the strange expression on his face. "John, you - you were going to say goodbye, weren't you?"
He startled at the question but quickly composed himself. "I was going to wait another hour or so, and call on you and take my leave." He frowned. "What brought you out here so early?"
"I believe I found a solution to my quandary last night, and I was eager to move swiftly," Elizabeth replied. "When Kate heard you were out here alone, she urged me to come. I think she was somewhat put out six months ago when you left without speaking to her."
"Yes, for which I have already made profuse apologies," he grumbled, making Elizabeth laugh. That drew a sheepish smile from him before he grew serious again. "I do not know how long I will be gone. The reconstruction of Cheyenne may be secure, at least in theory, but there is much work to be done."
"You have your cousin," Elizabeth replied. "And the support of the king. That must ease your burden."
"It does," John said, "but in many ways peace is harder than war." At her curious look, he sighed. "I hope you never learn that lesson for yourself, my lady."
"There is little more sacred to me than duty, John," she said. She drew in a deep breath, attempting not to let her sadness show. "I trust that you will return when you are able."
"I shall." Determination was burning in his eyes, and he turned to face her fully, clasping her hands tightly. "Yet I would not leave without telling you this."
Elizabeth felt as though her heart had just skipped a beat. "Yes?"
He took a deep breath, steadying himself, and met her gaze. "Elizabeth, I love you."
Many times as a young girl, Elizabeth had imagined the way in which her prince would say that to her. It would be the culmination of a speech praising her wisdom and beauty, ending with a plea to end his misery by returning a mere tenth of his feelings. She wondered sometimes at her own youthful silliness, but now, at the critical moment, her thoughts were not on the fantasies of years past. What John had said was neither flowery nor graceful, but it was perfect, and Elizabeth could but blush and smile at him.
He let out a little relieved laugh when she smiled, and their lips met for a kiss, playful but full of longing. By the time they pulled apart to breathe, they were in each other's arms. John rested his forehead against hers and Elizabeth traced the line of his jaw with her thumb. "And I love you, my lord," she said lowly. John shivered slightly in her arms and she saw the relief in his eyes.
"Perhaps such knowledge will make the separation more bearable," John suggested.
Elizabeth thought it unlikely, but in that moment she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
After one more kiss, John drew away, formally bowing to her as he bade her farewell. Elizabeth stood where she was and watched him go, smiling a little when he paused where Kate and Marcus waited, speaking to Kate and kissing her hand. When he had disappeared around the corner, Elizabeth walked toward her friends. "You seem sanguine," Kate remarked, when she was close enough.
"He will return," Elizabeth told her.
"And that is enough?" Kate was watching her, somewhat anxiously. Elizabeth knew that in time she would be pained by John's absence once again, but at the moment, she felt strangely calm.
She smiled. "Yes. For now, that is enough."
And now, the conclusion.
Before supper, John walked to Jack's chambers and knocked. A minute later, the door opened and Charles appeared on the other side. "Oh," he said.
"Were you expecting someone else?" John asked.
"I take it you're here to see my father," said Charles.
"Is he here?"
"Is he expecting you?"
"Can you give me an actual answer?"
Charles glared at him for a moment and then walked back into the room. "Father," he said toward an open door within. "You have a guest."
Jack came out of the other room and Charles excused himself. John waited until the door was shut, and then he cleared his throat. "I assume you did not know that your son is courting Kate Heightmeyer," he remarked. Jack was visibly startled by this news, and John knew he'd been right to reveal it. The reaction did make him wonder about Jack's relationship with his only child, but John would leave that be for now. It was none of his business anyway. "I would have thought that the possibility of challenging your own son for an affront to Kate's honor would have driven you mad by now."
"Well, I thank you for your information," Jack said, somewhat awkwardly. "How did you know?"
"He came upon me yesterday morning when Kate was embracing me," John explained. "He was not very happy."
Jack waved him toward a chair, and John sat down. Jack followed him, though with a grimace on his face. "The change in the weather hasn't been good to me in years," he said. "But at least the heat is long gone."
John laughed. "Heat? You should have been with me, Jack."
"Believe me, my lord, I am from the Talas mountains. I know what summer is in the south."
John said nothing in response, and Jack, amazingly, began to squirm. "I assume you did not come here to tell me about Kate," he said.
"No," John replied. "We have not spoken in the time I've been back. You have not been with the queen at any time."
Jack glared at him. "Has your title made you a politician after all?"
"That is not a terrible thing for men in our positions," John pointed out.
"It is not a terrible thing for a man who may seek to marry a queen, either."
John didn't take the bait. He had no idea if Jack had spoken to Lord George, but it was beside the point. He had not come to talk about Elizabeth. "What happened, Jack?" he asked bluntly.
Jack was still for a while, staring at nothing. "I spoke out against the queen."
"An offense she would have forgiven by now," John pointed out. "I have heard as much already. I have also heard that one of the noblemen knew of the weapon that saved Caldora from the Goa'uld, a weapon which my cousin tells me you witnessed when the Asgard came to the summit but was shown only to yourself and the queen. How could this other man have known about it?"
"Were you always this shrewd?" Jack asked ruefully. "I told Woolsey. The queen and I had been butting heads over this weapon almost since the moment we witnessed it in Neill." Jack stood and walked to the window. "I believed my best friend would be dead in a matter of hours, and one of my closest mentors was also gravely ill. I was angry. I fought with her. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life that night."
John fell silent. He had deduced Jack's actions already, but the depth of his remorse was a little surprising to John. He had never taken Jack to be the type of man who wallowed in regrets. "Have you tried to speak to the queen?"
Jack nodded. "The morning she lost the support of the college for the navy. I knew I had made a tremendous mistake. I tried to speak to her, but it was too late. Lorne and I found her unconscious in her study."
John had not heard that particular detail, and the image of Elizabeth alone and sick and unable to cry out for help made his throat close for a moment. There was no use, though, in this fear and worry in hindsight. Elizabeth was alive and well.
"Well," he said, getting to his feet, "I came here to thank you."
Jack's head snapped up. "For what?"
"You sent word about the Tok'ra," John replied, "and you sent the Asgard. Without those acts Caldora surely would have been overrun. A Caldoran honors his debts, and I owe you a great deal."
John nodded then and took his leave. The situation with Jack and Elizabeth was perplexing, and he wondered if there was something he could do, anything that would at least get them speaking to each other again. Though he could understand Elizabeth's anger, he also knew the separation between them benefited no one.
Whether they could restore some measure of their old relationship would be entirely up to them.
*~*~*~*
Elizabeth met with Lord George at evening, the two of them sharing a comfortable meal together in his quarters. However, it did little to allay her fears for his well-being. The fever had killed a number in the palace, and at first Elizabeth had been relieved to know that her cousin and her guardian had survived. Her guardian's failure to regain his old strength, though, worried her greatly, even as she strove to remain cheerful in his presence.
She also kept catching him staring at her in a way that was at once odd and familiar. She could not remember when he had been prone to watch her like that, nor could she discern why he was watching her so closely now. Something was transpiring under her nose and she knew not what.
The supper was perhaps more instructive than she had expected, and she felt a little sad when she had left Lord George. Without thinking about it, she wandered down to the stables, where she found John alone with the horses.
"My lord," she said softly.
He looked away from his steed in surprise. "My lady," he replied. "What brings you here?"
She almost shrugged, coming forward to him. "I have not been here in some time."
"I'm afraid Silvanus was in desperate need of grooming," John said, seeming a little unsure of what was transpiring. "I am surprised one of the groomsmen did not see to it, but it is just as well. Gives me something to do."
Elizabeth smiled at him and walked past him to Megaera's stall. John's horse had been placed next to hers. "These two always got along very well," she commented.
"Yes, even when his master and her mistress were not," John agreed. Megaera nuzzled Elizabeth's face, earning a laugh from John. "I think she wants something from you."
Elizabeth smiled ruefully. "I wasn't planning to come down here. I haven't got anything for her."
"For shame," he teased. Then, a moment later, he set a bright red apple on the top of the stall door. "At least one of us was prepared."
Elizabeth blushed, but she took up the apple and offered it to her mare. Megaera whinnied in approval before eating it. John, meanwhile, stepped inside the stall to brush his horse's coat. "When was the last time you went riding?" he asked.
She thought about it for a moment. "Honestly? I don't remember," she replied. "I didn't take her with me this summer, and I was gone so long. I know the groomsmen exercised her while I was gone, but it's been a long time."
"What would you say to riding with me?"
He asked the question calmly, but the look he gave her afterward was a little anxious, like he was aware that he had stepped past the bounds of propriety. It amused Elizabeth a little, as John had never been able to stay within the role he was supposed to occupy in her court. "If I can find some time," she said. "It would be lovely to get out of the palace, but this situation with the college has occupied most of my time."
John looked at her with a soft smile on his face. "I meant now, my lady."
"Now?" Elizabeth replied. "But it will be full dark soon."
He shrugged. "There will be a full moon tonight," he pointed out. "And not a cloud in the sky. It will be a beautiful night for it."
"I doubt Captain Lorne will be amenable to the idea," she said, lowering her voice. She did not add that Marcus had nearly died defending her when her party was attacked during a ride on the mainland. Though many years had passed since then, she could remember the fear of that day all too well.
John seemed to understand her concerns, but he stopped tending to Silvanus and leaned over the stall door. "It could just be you and me," he said lowly. "We could slip away after dusk. The captain may have his concerns, but we would stay away from the villages. There would be no danger I could not protect you from."
Megaera had finished eating the apple, and Elizabeth stroked her mane. There were a number of logical reasons not to do this, but the way John was looking at her was just as powerful. The temptation he was offering was simply too much to resist. She pouted at him. "Were you always able to get your way with me, John?"
He feigned hurt. "Have you forgotten so soon?"
She smiled and brushed her knuckles against his cheek. His eyes closed for a moment at her touch. "If the captain does not raise an objection, I would be glad to go with you," she told him.
On her way out of the stable, she stopped in front of Marcus, who was looking rather grumpy already. "How much of that did you overhear?" she asked him bluntly.
To his credit, he did not try to deny it. "I do not like the idea," he told her. "But I know he will protect you as I would."
As they walked back into the palace, Elizabeth remarked, "You have been remarkably understanding about all of this, Marcus."
He grumbled something in response. She tried not to laugh at him.
Kate and Laura were surprised but pleased by the plan, and entering fully into the spirit of things, helped her change into one of Kate's dresses and her cloak, the better to conceal her identity should anyone come seeking the queen. Shortly after dusk, Elizabeth headed out of the palace by the quieter passageways. John had both their horses out of the stable, saddled and ready to go. He helped Elizabeth onto Megaera while Silvanus stood patiently nearby, and when they were both mounted they set forth, Captain Lorne watching them anxiously from the side yard.
The night was as John had predicted, full of moonlight. Even the forested mainland was bright enough for them to see well down their path. The novelty of being out in the moonlight thrilled Elizabeth. Eventually, though, they turned off the main road at John's urging, and to Elizabeth's delight they soon arrived at a little pool in a clearing.
"I imagine you have been here before," he remarked while helping her down from her horse.
"Laura and Kate and I learned to swim here," she said. "It seemed bigger then, but I was only eight."
John chuckled. "I am not surprised." Standing behind her, he bent his head to kiss her neck slowly, sending a shiver through her that had nothing to do with the night air. "Who taught you?"
"Daniel," Elizabeth replied, "and Jack."
"I should have guessed." John took her hand and drew her away from the horses, who had started to drink from the pool. There was a large felled tree nearby, and there they sat side by side.
Elizabeth didn't know what to say. It occurred to her abruptly that they were utterly alone. They had found time to themselves over the last few days, but to say they were alone was stretching the truth. Now, though, there were no guards, no attendants or advisers to disrupt them. The thought was liberating, and almost frightening.
John touched her cheek, turning her face toward him, and he leaned in to kiss her. Elizabeth drew away after a few moments. "This was a good idea, John."
He smirked. "I thought you'd enjoy it."
She leaned against him and let him wrap his arm around her. This was the kind of escape she so desperately needed. It was not merely his romantic attentions she had enjoyed these few days, but his companionship as well. Sometimes they didn't even have to speak. He always seemed to know her thoughts before she said a word.
He was playing with a loosened lock of her hair when she sighed. "What is it?" he asked.
"I wish I could stay here," Elizabeth replied. "So much fell apart while you were gone."
"I know," he said, kissing the top of her head.
"Lord George is not recovering as he ought," she said, finally saying the truth aloud. "His fever broke before mine or Daniel's but he is still too weak. I fear..."
John took her hand in his. "What?"
"I fear he should not stay in Atlantis," she admitted. "Hammond would be a quieter life for him. He would have his son and daughter and granddaughters with him. I would rather have him there than watch him kill himself trying to serve me as he once did, but I do not know what I would do without his guidance."
"Or without his influence over your cousin and Jack." Elizabeth stiffened, but John did not apologize for mentioning him. "Are you not worried that they could be more at odds with each other than they probably are now?"
It took her some time, but eventually she said, "Yes."
"You know Jack is a good man," he pressed.
Elizabeth stood up, turning away from him. "John, what he did to me..."
"I know," John interrupted, his voice serious. "There was no excuse. I am not defending him."
"I hate this," she said, walking along the edge of the pond. "Jack has always been my friend. When the others were thinking about politics, he was the one to think of what their decisions would do to me. I never believed him capable of turning on me."
She looked at John, who had rested his elbows on his knees as he stared at the pond. "Elizabeth, I know what it is to face betrayal from those you trusted," he replied, surprising her a little. "And I know what it is to have no choice but to set the past aside. It is not pleasant, but sometimes it is necessary."
Elizabeth stared at him, wondering. He had been exiled from his homeland by his peers, and she knew that that betrayal had been inordinately painful for him. While she had thought often about what the last six months had been like for him, returning to Caldora and fighting, she had not really considered what it had meant to be fighting alongside the men who had expelled him from the country. He had spent some time in court, too, forced to do business with those who had convicted him wrongly.
"How did you countenance it?" she asked him.
John huffed out a breath. "Not with much grace, I admit." Elizabeth smiled a little. "But I had no alternative. And there are things about my exile that I am grateful for."
Her cheeks flushed slightly at his implication. John rose then and approached her, setting his hands upon her shoulders. "Your anger with Jack is just," he said. "But there is a time and place for mercy."
She touched his face, knowing that he was right. "It is not easy."
"It never is." John dropped his hands along her sides and pulled her into his embrace. "But you are capable of this. I know it."
Sliding her hand to the back of his head, Elizabeth pulled him down, bringing his mouth to hers. He let out a small sound of surprise, but she was undeterred. Though she had never been this bold before, it felt right to kiss him. It felt right to be in his arms, alone with him. Heat flooded her body when his hands slid down her back, past her waist, bringing her even closer.
"John," she gasped, when they parted just long enough to breathe.
He murmured her name and kissed her again, but this time was less intense. His hands left her body and he took a step back. "Perhaps we should think about going back," he said. "The captain will be worried. Not to mention anyone who comes looking for you."
She reached for his hands, though. "In a little while, John," she replied. "Give me just a little while."
He lifted her hand and kissed it tenderly. "As long as you need."
*~*~*~*
Lord George was slightly surprised when the queen asked for him the next morning. They had spoken over supper the night before and she had resisted talking of too much business through the meal. It had been a blatant attempt to lift his spirits, and it had fallen rather flat. Certainty had been building in him for some days and after their shared meal, he had sat in his rooms quietly, wondering how to broach the subject of what must happen next.
Elizabeth had summoned him to her rooms, rather than her audience chamber, and when she took her seat across the table from him, Laura and Kate as well as Captain Lorne vacated the room.
They had sat this way on many mornings over the last year, sharing breakfast and planning and processing the business of the realm. Today she looked more somber than he had seen her in some while.
Elizabeth sighed. "My lord, I know there is a decision before us, but I find I lack the words to even begin."
He nodded. "I know, my lady. But I fear we must acknowledge the reality in front of us. You must know that I wish to remain here in service-"
Elizabeth cut him off. "And you must know that I will not suffer you to endanger your health for my sake. Not after all the sacrifices you have made for me. You deserve to rest, after all this time." She bit her lip. "Though I confess, I am not sure what I shall do without you."
"You have only to say the word, Majesty, and I will return whenever I am needed." She nodded, but he suspected that summons would never come. She would write to him, ask for his advice, but short of another war, he would never be as present in her life again.
It was that thought which had kept him from saying this to her for weeks. He had to clear his throat as the truth of it sank in.
Elizabeth reached across the table and squeezed his hand. "I cannot begin to thank you for all that you have done for me, and will continue to do." There were tears in her eyes as she looked up at him. "You have been the only father I have had for these ten years. I would not be here today if not for the care and loyalty you have given to me."
He folded his hand on top of hers, patting it gently. "Elizabeth, you are as dear to me as my own children. I hope you know that my service has never been as much about duty, nor even my promise to your father, as it has been out of love."
Both of them were too emotional to speak right away and Elizabeth withdrew her hand with a small laugh, reaching for her kerchief. She dried her eyes and stood. He followed suit but placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead. "Trust yourself, Elizabeth. Whatever catastrophes may have come or may yet arrive, you are capable of weathering them." She made a wry face at that, then embraced him.
After a long moment they parted and he let out a deep breath. "It will take some days to settle everything, so you are not quite rid of me yet, my lady. I will speak to Daniel and Jack to begin preparing today."
Elizabeth nodded. "Please keep Teyla advised as well, for I believe she will remain in court for the present and her help may be invaluable."
He had his suspicions of why Teyla had settled herself in court and why Elizabeth was relying so much more on the young countess, but he merely nodded and kept silent. He was about to become merely an observer in the queen's life and he would need to begin getting used to the role.
*~*~*~*
The moment had arrived when Elizabeth could no longer postpone her meeting with the Iolanian ambassador. If her excuses grew much more contrived a stiff wind would blow them apart. To atone for having kept such a prominent ally waiting so long, she ordered a private supper for the audience.
Before that meeting, though, as she was sitting with Daniel and Peter discussing the ramifications of Lord George's departure, Captain Lorne brought a request she granted immediately. She hastened to her private audience chamber and was barely seated before the doors opened and a small figure in a simple cloak appeared. She smiled with genuine warmth. "Master Thor, it is a pleasure to see you returned at last."
"Majesty," the priest replied, inclining his head deferentially. "It is a great relief to return to Atlantis and the sanctuary."
After urging him to sit down, Elizabeth inquired after his journey and Thor offered a few tidbits of information regarding the state of things in Caldora. He had gone south again after the summit meeting in Neill and was only just returned home with most of the priests who had left in the early summer. The Asgard had left Caldora before John but, traveling in wagons, it had taken them longer to reach the northern coast. Thor had not heard of John's decision regarding the Sodan, and they spoke for a little while about the implications of the news.
At length, Master Thor turned serious eyes upon her. "Majesty, is it true that the college of lords has been informed of the gunpowder?"
Elizabeth suddenly felt nervous. The Asgard's expression reminded her of the same look he had given her when as a child she had not been as diligent in her lessons as she should. Uncertain what to say, she simply nodded.
Thor persisted. "And is it also true the college has demanded not only that Atalan pursue the gunpowder but has reallocated support intended for the navy to this task?"
Bitterness surged but Elizabeth remembered her conversation with John the night before. It was time to move on and deal with what was in front of her, rather than what was behind. After a deep breath, she sighed. "It is. Jack informed Lord Richard Woolsey of the existence of the gunpowder and it was used as a bargaining chip to weaken the navy project. No decisions have yet been made as to how precisely to proceed, though. I expect the college will take up the matter of developing the weapon once they return."
"And the ambassadors?" he asked shrewdly.
"Are politely screaming in alarm and protest at the thought of Atalan so rearming itself," she conceded.
Master Thor sat quietly for a moment. Elizabeth had always marveled that so tiny a person could project such an air of gravity. Finally he seemed to rouse himself. "Majesty, the Asgard chose to use the gunpowder in defense of Caldora against a foe it could not defeat alone, because the possibility of Caldora falling to the Goa'uld would undermine the peace and security of most of the continent. In so doing, we understood that revealing the existence of such a weapon would incite any who saw it to pursue mastery of it, and once that process was begun, it could not be stopped. But I find myself appalled that thirst for such power comes not from the Goa'uld or even the Caldorans, but from Atalan, where the Asgard have been at home for so long."
Sitting on the royal throne, Elizabeth flinched. It was on the tip of her tongue to point out that if Thor wished to lay blame somewhere, it should rest on Jack's shoulders, but she checked herself. Instead, she replied coolly, "I find it natural that our country, which is still vulnerable to enemies both on land and sea, would seek any advantage to further our safety and protection."
Thor nodded slightly. "Natural, yes, but not necessarily wise. A competition for mastery of such a powerful new weapon could destabilize the entire continent, and this is an outcome which the Asgard will not aid." He stood, smoothing his cloak down. "Majesty, understand this. The Asgard will render no assistance to any nation seeking mastery of the gunpowder. We will not share our knowledge or any information regarding this weapon. To do so would assist in undermining peace throughout the lands. We will leave Atalan entirely if we must."
Elizabeth was so startled by this pronouncement that she could not muster a word to say as Master Thor bowed to her and swept from the room. She sat in contemplation so long that Peter appeared at the door, reminding her that her dinner with the ambassador was waiting.
Elizabeth shook herself and proceeded to the private dining room, where a man with short silver hair and a weathered face waited. Lord Henry Hayes had served as Iolan's ambassador to Atalan for many years and had been a friend of her father's. He had in fact retired to his estates three years ago. The fact that Radek had called upon him to come and deliver Iolan's objections regarding the gunpowder was a silent signal of how seriously the new king was taking this issue. Lord Henry had the weight of years and familiarity to bring to bear on her and no scruple about using them.
Inwardly Elizabeth reflected that the level of her diplomatic relations with her country's oldest ally had just jumped up several notches with her cousin and former suitor now her counterpart in Iolan. Radek was an extremely shrewd man.
They sat to table and Elizabeth yielded to temptation and inquired for particulars regarding Natalya's illness and Radek's succession to the throne. Till now she had not spent much time thinking on it, but Lord Henry would be able to give her more detail than a younger, less influential man, and she was curious as to Radek's state of mind.
When she had heard the story and the main course of the meal had arrived, Lord Henry grew more serious. "I'm certain you know the reason I was sent here, Majesty."
Elizabeth nodded. "Iolan has concerns regarding the new weapon."
"Among other things," Hayes replied. She raised her eyebrows. "It is one thing to hear an ally and neighbor is at work on developing a devastating new weapon of war, my lady. To hear that the same ally is also reinforcing the borders between you is even more alarming."
Only years of training kept her from squirming in her seat. "The improvements are to be for all the borders of the nation, my lord. Given the recent aggression by the Goa'uld, it is only prudent to look to our defenses. Better to do so now than regret not doing it after they have attacked."
"True enough, Majesty, but can you explain why Atalan, which is at far more danger from sea than land, would abandon protecting its coast from an existing threat to arm itself against peaceful neighbors and an enemy recently beaten and, if reports are to be believed, busy fighting a civil war?"
Elizabeth's expression cooled. While she knew exactly how ridiculous this turn of events had been, it was not for a foreigner, even an old and respected friend, to try and force her into speaking against her own people. "I'm certain such arguments for inactivity and complacency were familiar to your ears, my lord, in the years just before the Ori appeared."
Lord Henry looked away and Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. Rebuke delivered, she softened her voice. "You know full well that my greatest concern is with the threat of the Wraith and the danger they pose to my people as well as yours. But there are legitimate reasons to take the winter months to see to the other defenses. I learned my father's lessons well and will not be caught unprepared if I can prevent it."
He nodded. "I understand that, my lady, but I hope you are able to see how this appears to the rest of the world. Atalan is rearming itself, fortifying its borders and expanding its military. It is not difficult to turn such facts into fears."
Elizabeth smiled somewhat ruefully. "I can, though it is strange to me to think of wanting even more responsibility than I have now. Ruling a single country is consuming enough."
The tension in the room eased at that and as the dessert was placed before them, the conversation turned back to the gunpowder. "I will tell you candidly, my lord, I would have preferred more time to deliberate, but I must concede there is some need for urgency. The Goa'uld have witnessed the power of this gunpowder already." She thought briefly of Lord Mitchell, explaining both the gunpowder and the vicious destruction of the city of Cheyenne in Caldora to her during the secret summit meeting. "They may be fighting amongst themselves now, but they will do whatever they must to acquire this weapon eventually. We will need to be ready."
"I cannot argue with such reasoning," Lord Henry replied. "But that does not allay the concerns of Iolan regarding how and where such a weapon might be used."
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow. "Do you think Atalan could be tempted use it against our oldest and closest ally?"
He looked back at her grimly. "Begging your pardon, my lady, there is no telling what corruption power can spread when it is concentrated in one nation. Power such as this is seductive. I have seen it before. Possessing such a weapon will lead men to ask themselves, 'Why do we have this, if not to use it?'"
Given the recent insurrection of her own nobles, Elizabeth felt her stomach turn slightly at that thought. She could all too easily imagine Samuels making such an argument. Not perhaps against Iolan, but there was always some foe to be chased. In her heart she admitted that if the gunpowder proved effective, even she would probably not hesitate much to use it against the Wraith if it would end their reign of terror for good.
And then what? If the Wraith were eliminated, would the sense of triumph only make her long for more conquests?
Elizabeth was not sure of the answer to that question.
"My lady?" Lord Henry queried quietly.
She shook her head slightly. "Forgive me. My mind wandered for a moment." She leaned back in her chair, drinking from her cup and forcing her mind back to the present. "Has Iolan anything else to say aside from your concerns?"
Lord Henry laid down his spoon and looked at her steadily. "The king wanted me to express a wish that Atalan and Iolan could work together on this task, as we have on so many other projects in the past."
Elizabeth knew without asking that the words were a direct quote. She heard Radek's voice in the message. He had always had a knack for seeing the long term.
She wasn't opposed to the idea. Partnering with Iolan would ease the burden on Atalan's resources, and also appease the tension between the countries. However, it would also only exacerbate tensions with the Jaffa, the Tok'ra and all Atalan's other allies.
Unless...
"Majesty?" For the second time Lord Henry recalled her to the present, though now he looked highly curious. Her cheeks were flushed and her mind was racing.
The college would object, especially Samuels and Woolsey, but Elizabeth suspected seating them opposite Teal'c and allowing them to explain their anger would bring them around fairly quickly. It was a diplomatic matter, an issue of the nation's security, and as such it was her prerogative.
It might even soothe Master Thor's fears.
If she could get it to work.
"My lord," she said, leaning closer and folding her hands in her lap to keep from tapping her fingers nervously. "I believe I may have a solution."
*~*~*~*
The fourth time Kate was woken by the sound of a pen scritching across parchment, she finally gave up the pretense of ignoring the source. "Elizabeth," she said, so loudly that Elizabeth jumped. "What is going on?"
"I've had an idea," Elizabeth said, turning back to her desk. "Go back to sleep."
"Have you been having ideas all night?" Kate asked, tossing the covers aside and getting out bed. It was a little chilly, but she didn't intend to be out of bed for long. "This is not the first time you've woken me."
The queen looked guilty, but not enough. "Kate, I'll be done in a few minutes."
"What is going on?" Kate asked again, sitting down near the fireplace. "Even with John here, something has been troubling you. Are you still trying to find a way around the college?"
Elizabeth shook her head. "Not exactly. I - I know I can't just ignore them, much as I might want to. But I may have found something that might allow me to neutralize what they did."
"Is it a coincidence that you came upon this idea after you finally started speaking to the ambassadors again?" she teased.
Elizabeth made a face but didn't deny it, so Kate walked up to the desk and looked at what she was writing. "Writing to Radek?" she said, surprised at what she saw.
Elizabeth nodded. "I have never been more nervous about writing to him."
Kate smiled ruefully, smoothing Elizabeth's hair back and resting her hand on her friend's shoulder. Since the letters that had upset Elizabeth so before her collapse, Radek had written once again, expressing his relief at the news of her recovery. Kate knew that Elizabeth had not replied to him yet. She had been too busy once she had recovered enough to work again, but Kate strongly suspected that she had also not known quite what to say to him.
"Do you think he will object to your idea?" she queried, as Elizabeth focused again on her writing still without answering Kate's original question.
"It is possible," Elizabeth replied, finally turning from the desk. "Kate, I want to invite our allies to join us in working to develop this substance. Master Thor is right. For us to pursue it alone would upset the balance of power on the continent. With this we can at least make the offer to share with our friends."
"Not to mention, gain their help," Kate mused. Elizabeth had told her earlier of Thor's determination not to help Atalan in this matter. "After all, the nation which produced Rodney McKay must have another genius or two tucked away somewhere."
Elizabeth smiled, turning as if to go back to her letter. "Yes, exactly."
Kate took the pen from Elizabeth's hand. "But you, my lady, must come back to bed immediately," she said. "This will keep until morning."
Elizabeth grumbled but made her way back across the room. "Were you always this insistent, or was Laura really that distracting?"
Kate extinguished the candle at the desk and got back into bed herself. "I think we both underestimated Laura's ability to distract from anything and everything," she answered. "But it's times like these that make me long for the day you are married, my lady."
"And why is that?"
"Your husband will have the pleasure of dealing with your ideas in the third watch, while I get to sleep through them."
*~*~*~*
There was a knock on Jack's door very early in the morning. At first he did not consider it, as he was far more interested in the curve of Sarah's neck and shoulder, and how he knew she would shift her body against his if he kissed just the right spot. But the knock came again and he woke more fully, realizing that he needed to get to the door before someone opened it.
He hastened from the bed, throwing on his dressing gown on his way to the door. On the other side was a royal messenger. Jack blinked several times. His first thought was that the man was looking for Sarah and that their affair had been discovered. Then he shook himself mentally. It had been a long time since a royal messenger had come looking for him, but not that long. "Yes?" he said, running his hand through his hair.
"The queen requests your presence, my lord," the man said simply, before he bowed and departed.
Jack closed the door, thinking of his conversation with Sheppard the other day and wondering if the young marquis had anything to do with the summons.
He was quickly distracted from any such thought as Sarah roused in his bed. She sat up, covered by a sheet, and her hair was a mess. The sight made him smile a little as he fetched his clothes. "Jack?" she said.
"The queen has asked for me," he replied, getting dressed.
"Indeed? Have you any idea why?"
Jack shook his head. "I imagine I will find out in due course."
"I shall not deter you, then." Sarah was silent only for a few moments, though. "You know this is why I said I shouldn't stay the night."
"I know." Jack held in a sigh. "You should probably get dressed. If someone came for me, you're likely wanted too."
Sarah got out of bed, and Jack tried not to stare at her too much as she dressed, at least when she didn't need his assistance. "I keep telling myself this is the last time," she said as he laced up her gown. "One of these days someone will discover us. But I can't seem to keep away."
Jack rested his hands on her shoulders, and she leaned back against him, taking deep, deliberate breaths. "Sarah, is something wrong?" he asked, suddenly concerned at her manner. "Is there something we should talk about?"
"Nothing that cannot wait," she replied. "Go to the queen, Jack. She has asked for you."
She did not need to explain the importance of that, so with a kiss, Jack departed. During the walk to the Elizabeth's chambers, he strove to put Sarah from his mind, focusing instead on what he knew the queen was dealing with now. He had heard that Elizabeth had spoken with both Thor and the Iolanian ambassador the previous evening. That anyone was being summoned to her presence before breakfast suggested that she had perhaps come upon a way to keep the ambassadors happy without ignoring the college.
One of the guards at the queen's door looked somewhat surprised to see him, but Jack let it pass unremarked upon. Once inside, he had something much greater to contend with, for he was not the only one Elizabeth had called. Lady Teyla was in the antechamber, as was Daniel. The lady quickly found something else to look at when Jack entered, but Daniel did not avoid his gaze. There was some anger still there, but perhaps less than Jack would have expected. Though that could have been a function of the early hour.
"You're looking well, Daniel," Jack said, trying to be honest and for once non-confrontational.
Daniel opened his mouth to reply, but the door swung open and Elizabeth entered, Kate close behind her. "Good, everyone has arrived," she said quietly. "Please be seated."
They gathered in chairs in the middle of the room. Daniel spoke first. "Majesty, how may we serve you?" he asked, quite formally.
Elizabeth cleared her throat quietly. "Almost since the hour I awoke from the fever, I have been trying to determine how best to proceed with the decision the college made," she said. She was not looking at Jack. "Master Thor told me in no uncertain terms that the Asgard will not support Atalan's development of gunpowder, and that we risk losing them as allies over this matter."
That made Jack startle. If the Asgard did not want any nation to possess the weapon, why had they invented it?
"However, I believe I may have found a way to mitigate Master Thor's concerns, reassure our allies of our continued friendship, and fulfill the letter of the college's will, if perhaps not the spirit."
"How?" Jack blurted out. The rest in the room stared at him, but he kept his eyes on the queen steadfastly.
"I wish to share this knowledge," Elizabeth explained. "More than that, though. I wish to draw our allies into our development of this weapon, if they want to join us. I have no desire to upset the balance of power among our allies."
"It would also lessen the burden on Atalan's purse strings if other nations were to contribute," Teyla remarked.
"Indeed." The queen looked to her cousin. "What think you, my lord?"
"I believe it is a shrewd plan," he said. "I am not convinced that it will work, for some in the college will howl in objection, but perhaps it will convince the Asgard that you are being fair and open-handed about this."
Elizabeth nodded. "The three of you represent the broadest connections within the college and the ambassadors," she replied. "I will need all of you to help in this."
Teyla and Daniel agreed immediately, and then Elizabeth looked at Jack in silent question. "I am at your service, Majesty," he said, meeting her eyes.
"Good," she said, with another slight nod. "The ambassadors are dining with me tonight. You three will join us. Tomorrow, if all goes well with the ambassadors, we will begin to inform the college of our decision."
This time, she would leave no room for the college to question her, for implicit in her tone was a warning that she would tolerate no dissent among her closest friends and advisors. Jack thought it was probably wise, and this time he was determined to be seen on the queen's side from beginning to end.
"In the meantime, I would have you speak with the ambassadors," Elizabeth continued. "Gauge their reaction to this idea. I do not want them any of them to be surprised by this tonight."
She rose, and they stood with her. "Lord Jonathan, if I could have a word with you?" she said.
The others took their leave, and even Kate retreated to the bedchamber. Jack stood still, as though under inspection, while Elizabeth watched him and seemed to gather herself. "You have not atoned for what you did to me," she said lowly. There was an openness to her tone which surprised him a little. "I am not sure what would redeem you. But I am trusting you in this matter, Jack. Do not ever abuse that again."
"Yes, Majesty," he replied almost automatically. He started toward the door, but then he paused. "My lady."
Elizabeth blinked a few times. "Yes?"
Jack took a deep breath. "I am sorry," he said. "More than I can say."
Her expression softened, and for a moment Jack thought he saw a flicker of warmth in her eyes. She looked down. "It is time to work, Jack," she said. "You are dismissed."
She had not accepted his apology, but as Jack left the room he did not care. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders in saying the words. He could find his way back into her good graces with time.
*~*~*~*
Elizabeth was in better spirits thanks to both the morning meeting and a hearty breakfast. It was still early, so she elected to take a short walk before the press of regular business began. However, in response to her invitation, a servant informed her that Lord John was already up and had been seen heading for the shore.
Slightly alarmed, Elizabeth made her way through the slowly wakening castle with Marcus and Kate behind her. When they came outside, finding John on the north side of the island, Kate and Marcus held back. With a smile, Kate urged Elizabeth onward, to the solitary figure at the water's edge.
John was standing very still, his arms crossed over his chest as he gazed toward the open ocean. On this side of the island, the palace came nearly to the water's edge. Above them was the ballroom, where no one would be so early in the morning. It gave Elizabeth a sense of privacy she had rarely felt, and that in turn gave her boldness.
"My lord."
He glanced at her before turning his eyes northward again. "I missed the sea," he said. "I did not realize how much."
"So did I," Elizabeth replied. "It was as though a part of me was gone."
"I know the feeling."
John looked at her then, meeting her eyes and telling her more, as he always had so easily. The time apart had not dulled his ability, nor exaggerated it in her memory.
She crossed the short distance between them, laid her hand upon his shoulder, and kissed him softly. She kept it brief, but the feeling of his lips moving against hers sent a chill through her that had nothing to do with the autumn morning, and she hoped the feeling would never get old.
"How long until you must leave?" she asked.
He smiled wistfully and touched her face. "How do you always know?"
"You seemed agitated yesterday, and now you are up since dawn," Elizabeth replied, slipping her hand around his arm and looking out at the ocean. "And I knew the day you returned that you could not stay long."
John nodded quickly. "I wrote my cousin the next morning and told him to watch for my return within a few days." He took a deep breath. "I cannot delay my departure further, Elizabeth."
"I know." She bit her lip, an old habit from childhood, upon seeing the strange expression on his face. "John, you - you were going to say goodbye, weren't you?"
He startled at the question but quickly composed himself. "I was going to wait another hour or so, and call on you and take my leave." He frowned. "What brought you out here so early?"
"I believe I found a solution to my quandary last night, and I was eager to move swiftly," Elizabeth replied. "When Kate heard you were out here alone, she urged me to come. I think she was somewhat put out six months ago when you left without speaking to her."
"Yes, for which I have already made profuse apologies," he grumbled, making Elizabeth laugh. That drew a sheepish smile from him before he grew serious again. "I do not know how long I will be gone. The reconstruction of Cheyenne may be secure, at least in theory, but there is much work to be done."
"You have your cousin," Elizabeth replied. "And the support of the king. That must ease your burden."
"It does," John said, "but in many ways peace is harder than war." At her curious look, he sighed. "I hope you never learn that lesson for yourself, my lady."
"There is little more sacred to me than duty, John," she said. She drew in a deep breath, attempting not to let her sadness show. "I trust that you will return when you are able."
"I shall." Determination was burning in his eyes, and he turned to face her fully, clasping her hands tightly. "Yet I would not leave without telling you this."
Elizabeth felt as though her heart had just skipped a beat. "Yes?"
He took a deep breath, steadying himself, and met her gaze. "Elizabeth, I love you."
Many times as a young girl, Elizabeth had imagined the way in which her prince would say that to her. It would be the culmination of a speech praising her wisdom and beauty, ending with a plea to end his misery by returning a mere tenth of his feelings. She wondered sometimes at her own youthful silliness, but now, at the critical moment, her thoughts were not on the fantasies of years past. What John had said was neither flowery nor graceful, but it was perfect, and Elizabeth could but blush and smile at him.
He let out a little relieved laugh when she smiled, and their lips met for a kiss, playful but full of longing. By the time they pulled apart to breathe, they were in each other's arms. John rested his forehead against hers and Elizabeth traced the line of his jaw with her thumb. "And I love you, my lord," she said lowly. John shivered slightly in her arms and she saw the relief in his eyes.
"Perhaps such knowledge will make the separation more bearable," John suggested.
Elizabeth thought it unlikely, but in that moment she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
After one more kiss, John drew away, formally bowing to her as he bade her farewell. Elizabeth stood where she was and watched him go, smiling a little when he paused where Kate and Marcus waited, speaking to Kate and kissing her hand. When he had disappeared around the corner, Elizabeth walked toward her friends. "You seem sanguine," Kate remarked, when she was close enough.
"He will return," Elizabeth told her.
"And that is enough?" Kate was watching her, somewhat anxiously. Elizabeth knew that in time she would be pained by John's absence once again, but at the moment, she felt strangely calm.
She smiled. "Yes. For now, that is enough."