Oh, my goodness. I spent the whole time I was writing this pretty much tearing out my hair and yelling "There are too many words!!! Daniel can't go from uncomfortably angsty to 'I kiss you now!' in 2.5 seconds!" But...apparently he can. :) Thanks for the votes, guys. I'll of course be reading the feedback that was submitted, but I'm also open to a back-and-forth here, if you want.
Well, even though you'll get my "official" comments from The Big M (aka mod, hee), I just wanted to address your Daniel can't go from uncomfortably angsty to "I kiss you now!" in 2.5 seconds!
After all, remember this is Daniel we're talking about, the fastest mouth and brain other than Rodney McKay (so ... like ... one per galaxy, right?). He'll already have gone through several conversations and potential outcomes in his brain, even as he's speaking to Jack.
And I really like the idea that, after an entire evening of talking about how his life WAS, with a merging of reality and fantasy further blurred by the love from his teammates, he ends up showing how he'd like his life to BE.
I wrote, "Bahaha, Atlantis personnel WOULD take a game of assassin way too far!" I was thoroughly amused by your fic. Especially by poor, put-upon Woolsey. :)
Thanks! I was thinking of the idea of war games, like synecdochic's fic, but comedy is tough to pull off in so few words. I'm glad someone liked it. :)
Parts of this were really adorable and amused me, but I had a hard time accepting the premise that these trained professionals would let paintball get so all-consuming (I know, I know. It's comedy, and I should relax). But also, no Ronon! I can't quite decide if Ronon would be really into paintball, or if he wouldn't see the point of splattering each other with paint, but his absence was conspicuous.
I liked the story, especially snarky Jack/Daniel banter (always) and especially that it was the reverse of the norm - that Jack had thought it would be a nice planet to visit (which is Daniel's usual role) and Daniel snarking about how badly it turned out
( ... )
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Are you still flailing?
Well, even though you'll get my "official" comments from The Big M (aka mod, hee), I just wanted to address your Daniel can't go from uncomfortably angsty to "I kiss you now!" in 2.5 seconds!
After all, remember this is Daniel we're talking about, the fastest mouth and brain other than Rodney McKay (so ... like ... one per galaxy, right?). He'll already have gone through several conversations and potential outcomes in his brain, even as he's speaking to Jack.
And I really like the idea that, after an entire evening of talking about how his life WAS, with a merging of reality and fantasy further blurred by the love from his teammates, he ends up showing how he'd like his life to BE.
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