What's shakin' LJ?
I'll be frank, I forgot about Livejournal. Well, I've forgotton about the internet and computer in general. I've come to really dislike the computer, probably because I just don't have much time to be on it. But for my birthday this past month, my parents bought me a notebook pc for college next year. It's freaking awesome, so now I'm actually on the internet and all that jazz. But back to my neglection of LJ...Since I have maybe two whole friends who my still use this site, it seems appropriate that I use this time to spill.
It's been rough since my last post. I'm here because a former friend reminded me of LJ, and even that thing called Xanga (which, in my case, is broken...I have no idea how that happened though). But since my huge blow-up wih that very same friend, life has been so different. It's been...difficult. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed life or had happiness since then. Things have been excellent and I could not have asked for a better senior year. Anyways, I lost a big part of myself with this friend. I lost a sense of who I was and what defined me. Since then I've been on this endless journey to finding the person I was almost seven months ago. I cried, a lot. Not for the loss of that mysterious "spark" but for the loss of one of my best friends EVER. It almost seems odd to call this person a best friend. We only knew eah other for a short time but instantly we took to each other. Common interest, similar personalities, even joking of soul mates. I never got sick of this friend either. And one day, I realized that I would take a bullet for this friend. It's amazing, the whole concept of friendship. My friend was always there for me though, and I thank them for that.
I miss my friend.
After the blow-up, I honestly never thought we'd speak again, well, maybe not NEVER. I considered us meeting up again twenty years later, bumping into each other at a grocery store while reaching for the same can of green beans or something. No, I'm not a creep. It just felt like after all that happened, I would never regain my friend's trust or acceptance, thus reaching the point of never speaking again.
But recently, I was approached by my friend. It was said that it was acceptable for us to speak under certain conditions. My reaction: cool. But in truth, it weirded me out. I wasn't expecting it so soon. I don't think I gave off the best impression that day, and for that I apologize. It was just so out of the norm that I was startled by the concept.
And then there's the sudden acceptance of talking online. Uhh, that's fine, I suppose. Nothing like awkward AIM chatter with a former friend. Haha, I'm just joking. But it really was nice to start catching up with my former friend that way. It was less intimidating and realistic. But then the topic of the blow-up comes up...I knew my friend wasn't ready. I could tell from the beginning. But I need to put it out there: I'm ready to talk about it.
For seven months, I tore myself down to my weak foundation and rebuilt myself. I crumbled like a building, literally. I...I stopped eating. I had no desire to sleep or feel anything around me. I sunk so deep into my own body to fix myself. After losing my friend, I lost all faith in myself. With that came a lack of self-confidence and trust. Since then it's been an uphill battle to rebuild myself. But over the past two months, I've reached my rooftop. I'm putting on the last set of shingles as I type this. And I didn't do this on my own. Oh, no way! I thank God for giving me such caring friends and family for pulling me up the hill for the past seven months.
But listen here old friend: I miss you. I was really hoping we could talk about anything and everything but I understand that you're not ready. Just understand that I've waited seven months now for us to get this far, and I'm quite sure I can continue to wait until you are ready. You truely were special to me, and I hope that someday you can once again share with me the great bond of friendship. I'll always care for you like I had before.
Look at it this way: we're still two lost souls swimming around, but we've moved to a smaller tank than the ocean-size one we were in these past seven months. We're bound to bump into each other in this new tank. Don't be afraid to greet me once in a while. I'm ALWAYS here for you, and I can guarantee that when you're ready to talk about things, I'll still be waiting. After all, that's what friends are for.
Now, the odds of my friend actually reading this some day seem a bit slim, but I figure there's still a chance. Nevertheless, it shows I still care.
So I suppose that's enough for now. Thank you very much.
Peace and love to all,
ACC :]
It's been rough since my last post. I'm here because a former friend reminded me of LJ, and even that thing called Xanga (which, in my case, is broken...I have no idea how that happened though). But since my huge blow-up wih that very same friend, life has been so different. It's been...difficult. That's not to say I haven't enjoyed life or had happiness since then. Things have been excellent and I could not have asked for a better senior year. Anyways, I lost a big part of myself with this friend. I lost a sense of who I was and what defined me. Since then I've been on this endless journey to finding the person I was almost seven months ago. I cried, a lot. Not for the loss of that mysterious "spark" but for the loss of one of my best friends EVER. It almost seems odd to call this person a best friend. We only knew eah other for a short time but instantly we took to each other. Common interest, similar personalities, even joking of soul mates. I never got sick of this friend either. And one day, I realized that I would take a bullet for this friend. It's amazing, the whole concept of friendship. My friend was always there for me though, and I thank them for that.
I miss my friend.
After the blow-up, I honestly never thought we'd speak again, well, maybe not NEVER. I considered us meeting up again twenty years later, bumping into each other at a grocery store while reaching for the same can of green beans or something. No, I'm not a creep. It just felt like after all that happened, I would never regain my friend's trust or acceptance, thus reaching the point of never speaking again.
But recently, I was approached by my friend. It was said that it was acceptable for us to speak under certain conditions. My reaction: cool. But in truth, it weirded me out. I wasn't expecting it so soon. I don't think I gave off the best impression that day, and for that I apologize. It was just so out of the norm that I was startled by the concept.
And then there's the sudden acceptance of talking online. Uhh, that's fine, I suppose. Nothing like awkward AIM chatter with a former friend. Haha, I'm just joking. But it really was nice to start catching up with my former friend that way. It was less intimidating and realistic. But then the topic of the blow-up comes up...I knew my friend wasn't ready. I could tell from the beginning. But I need to put it out there: I'm ready to talk about it.
For seven months, I tore myself down to my weak foundation and rebuilt myself. I crumbled like a building, literally. I...I stopped eating. I had no desire to sleep or feel anything around me. I sunk so deep into my own body to fix myself. After losing my friend, I lost all faith in myself. With that came a lack of self-confidence and trust. Since then it's been an uphill battle to rebuild myself. But over the past two months, I've reached my rooftop. I'm putting on the last set of shingles as I type this. And I didn't do this on my own. Oh, no way! I thank God for giving me such caring friends and family for pulling me up the hill for the past seven months.
But listen here old friend: I miss you. I was really hoping we could talk about anything and everything but I understand that you're not ready. Just understand that I've waited seven months now for us to get this far, and I'm quite sure I can continue to wait until you are ready. You truely were special to me, and I hope that someday you can once again share with me the great bond of friendship. I'll always care for you like I had before.
Look at it this way: we're still two lost souls swimming around, but we've moved to a smaller tank than the ocean-size one we were in these past seven months. We're bound to bump into each other in this new tank. Don't be afraid to greet me once in a while. I'm ALWAYS here for you, and I can guarantee that when you're ready to talk about things, I'll still be waiting. After all, that's what friends are for.
Now, the odds of my friend actually reading this some day seem a bit slim, but I figure there's still a chance. Nevertheless, it shows I still care.
So I suppose that's enough for now. Thank you very much.
Peace and love to all,
ACC :]