(no subject)
Bold everything you've done, strike everything you think is unnecessary, yadda.
1. Hard boil an egg - This should be "boil an egg to just the right consistency, consistently." How is hard boiling an egg difficult? Boil water, put egg in, leave it for ages ...
2. Diplomatically tell Mom to butt-out
3. Ace a job interview - Probably more a case of "you're clean and not obviously a wanker or a psycho, you'll do," but ... I've .... had jobs?
4. Ask a man out
5. Send a thoughtful thank you note
6. Listen to a friend in need
7. Ask for help
8. Effectively end an unhealthy relationship - I understand the point of this one, as in ending it rather than allowing it to continue, but just because I haven't done it doesn't mean I need to or wouldn't.
9. Beautifully wrap a gift - Oh jeez, so unimportant.
10. Say “no” gracefully
11. Whip up a great dinner with the five items in her fridge
12. Forget pleasing him, by 30 a woman should be able to tell her man exactly how to please her - This is a prerequisite for any relationship, duh.
13. Sew a button - I know HOW to, does that count?
14. Mix a kick-ass cocktail - What, for when the Photographer/Librarian plan falls through and I have to live in a Human League song?
15. Take off her bra without removing her shirt - I'm not blessed with boobs that don't feel really awkward under shirts without a bra, so ... no.
16. Apply lip gloss in the dark - In what situation would applying lipgloss be so important that I couldn't just wait until the lights were on?
17. Balance her checkbook
18. Create a budget
19. Find the best deal - Thank you, internet!
20. Negotiate a salary and/or pay raise
21. Read a map - HAHAHAHA oh god I have the worst sense of direction in the world. Really, it's bad. I've met cucumbers that can navigate better than I can.
22. Hail a cab
24. Apologise when she’s wrong
25. Dress for her body type - I don't understand how someone could NOT dress for their body type and still think they look good.
26. Change a flat
27. Spot a fake - Don't care.
28. Feign interest - I think most women know how to do this by the age of ten.
29. Know what to tip on a $25 dinner bill - Nothing? Since we're apparently at Burger King. Can you really eat out for $25 in the US? Of course, nothing is what Adam and I have tipped about 70% of the time in restaurants and bars, haha. AT LEAST THEY HAVE JOBS! WE DON'T! WE NEED OUR MONEY TO SPEND ON FILM AND CHEESE. :(
30. Hold a baby - I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS. Babies - really little ones, anyway - really terrify me. Or, they have in the past; I don't know how I'd feel now, but whenever I've had the chance to hold a baby, I've just been worried because of my hyper-awareness of how bad it would be if I dropped it or broke its neck or held it too hard and made its tiny organs come shooting out of its nose or something. I've also always been weirded out by, and in denial of, my pretty strong maternal instincts. I'm not anymore, so when I do actually get the chance to hold a baby, maybe I will! Without breaking it!
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HEY, WE'RE MOVING HOUSE. Breaking news: I fucking love moving house. Correction: I fucking love planning my new bedroom. I fucking hate moving house. BUT it is an essential component of BEING in a new house, so I endure it. The new house is 5 minutes' walk away from the centre of Holmfirth, has a massive and mindblowingly amazing kitchen (with a range! A RANGE!), working electrics, heating and plumbing and an awesome attic which is my new bedroom. We move in on December 1st and I can't waittttttttt.
I'm also writing again. Don't tell anyone, even though I've broadcasted it all over facebook. It might not come to anything (there's another competition ending on Nov. 30th) but it feels so good to be EXCITED ABOUT WRITING again. I've had a few characters and ideas floating around in my peripheral vision for a few weeks, and they just weren't cooperating, but last night I got the urge so bad that I couldn't actually READ, and this was when I'd already gone to bed, so I got a pen and pad and wrote until gone midnight. I've edited what I wrote today and come up with a few more ideas and it's really working. I just hope it continues. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, IMAGINARY FRIENDS! WITHOUT YOU I AM NOTHING. OR AT THE VERY LEAST, THE LITTLE CHANCE OF ONE DAY HAVING A BIT MORE MONEY TO TIDE ME OVER UNTIL I DO ACTUALLY HAVE TO SELL THE BIG ISSUE WILL BE TAKEN AWAY FROM ME.
Oh yeah, and I had a birthday! Wow. That feels like a long time ago. Thanks for all your birthday wishes, guys! I had a crazy party, got some truly brilliant presents, spent a wonderful day back in my old hometown with Adam and generally enjoyed being 19. It's still pretty cool. I like the number 19. I think it's underrated. I have shitloads of pictures (I ALWAYS have shitloads of pictures! Seriously, the amount of unedited RAW format pictures I have on my hard drive is bordering on obscene. Sadly, none of them are ACTUALLY obscene (well ... maybe a few) but god, it's just so much to edit and upload. HAVING SAID THAT THOUGH, look at this creepy fucking kid we saw on the train:
She knows all your secrets, you guys. (Yes, that one too.) HOLY CRAP!
Here's a few others from my birthday and recently while I'm here:
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I just ate bright pink soup!