Sex, drugs and rock & roll!!!!!!!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this but DAMN I MISS HIGHSCHOOL. Even the drama!! And that's what I tried to avoid. I know it's not my friends' fault..it is mostly mine because I haven't left time for friends and if I do have any...I spend it with Chris. THAT IS TERRIBLE. I feel..stuck. I feel like I constantly have to be with him and I know I sound crazy but it's true. I've met some really nice people in my classes and have promised to hang out with them and then when it comes down to it...I want to be with Chris. That sickens me. I know I have to do something about it because realizing the problem isn't solving anything..and KNOWING I have issues and attempting to ignore them is making the situation worse. I'm afraid by hanging out with other people that I'm betraying him and putting a rift between us. I love the way he makes me feel and I don't want to lose that...but I don't want to lose the people who should be the most important..the ones I've put to the side. I'm an asshole. SOMEONE KICK ME.
Damn, I miss the things I never allowed myself to enjoy. I just kept saying to myself "Highschool..it will all be over soon..I'm SO over this..blah blah blah" *smack* I should have soaked up all of the craziness around me and enjoyed myself. Now everything seems so dull in my life. I wake up..I go to work..I go to school/do school work/go to the gym/be with Chris...go to sleep..then the cycle starts again. I miss seeing my friends and KNOWING I'm going to see them the next day. Now I wonder if I'll ever see them again. Bree is a billion miles away...Natalie and I live just a few miles away from eachother and I NEVER see her. Ashley is in God knows where hookahing it up and I'm just stuck in this constant cycle. Nothing amuses me anymore...there's no highschool drama to amuse me.
I've become revolved around myself...trying to make myself perfect after barely graduating highschool. I feel like this is my last chance to do things right. And by doing that, I've lost out on some important aspects..my friends, VACATION, doing something other than what I "should" be doing. God, SOMEONE THROW A FUCKING KEGGER AND INVITE ME. I need alcohol and cigarettes..and pot and all those horrible things that I used to do to myself that I'm wondering WHY DID I QUIT?? Drugs are TERRIBLE for you...that's why you do them. They're fun!
Ok...and that pretty much sums it up. Natalie, I left you a comment on my last entry. READ IT.
Damn, I miss the things I never allowed myself to enjoy. I just kept saying to myself "Highschool..it will all be over soon..I'm SO over this..blah blah blah" *smack* I should have soaked up all of the craziness around me and enjoyed myself. Now everything seems so dull in my life. I wake up..I go to work..I go to school/do school work/go to the gym/be with Chris...go to sleep..then the cycle starts again. I miss seeing my friends and KNOWING I'm going to see them the next day. Now I wonder if I'll ever see them again. Bree is a billion miles away...Natalie and I live just a few miles away from eachother and I NEVER see her. Ashley is in God knows where hookahing it up and I'm just stuck in this constant cycle. Nothing amuses me anymore...there's no highschool drama to amuse me.
I've become revolved around myself...trying to make myself perfect after barely graduating highschool. I feel like this is my last chance to do things right. And by doing that, I've lost out on some important aspects..my friends, VACATION, doing something other than what I "should" be doing. God, SOMEONE THROW A FUCKING KEGGER AND INVITE ME. I need alcohol and cigarettes..and pot and all those horrible things that I used to do to myself that I'm wondering WHY DID I QUIT?? Drugs are TERRIBLE for you...that's why you do them. They're fun!
Ok...and that pretty much sums it up. Natalie, I left you a comment on my last entry. READ IT.