FIC: Old Enough to Know Better
Title: Old Enough to Know Better
Author: starfirefic
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Jack/Martha (Doctor implied)
Word Count: ~360 words
Genre: Angst, angst baby
Rating: PG13 for mentions of sex
Author's Notes:Written for one of the Doctor Who Challenge #10 prompts - "No one knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better" Set at the end of s3, in basically the same AU as Moments, but far angstier
Spoilers: None really (unless you seriously wondered if the Doctor and Martha were ever going to get together)
Summary: You too, huh? (or, alternatively, "Love the one you're with...")
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. Martha would probably have gotten out sooner if she did
Warnings: None, other than that it's unbeta-ed and so thick with angst it's damned amazing I could squeeze any actual words in there. What can I say... my hypochondria demons are restless, and this is apparently the only way I can exorcise them...
Old Enough to Know Better
Martha cries when she comes. And self-centred as Jack might know himself to be, he never for a moment assumes it has anything to do with him.
Martha always cries when she comes nowadays. It’s something that’s ceased to surprise either of them - a regular catharsis she only ever allows herself in those eye-blink brief instants while her face is still flushed, her pulse is still pounding, and her body’s still shuddering - when the barriers she usually keeps herself safe behind lie in temporary ruins; and for a few short moments, she doesn’t have to pretend it’s OK any more.
Mostly it’s quiet. She turns to him an instant after her climax, slipping her slender arms under his, pulling herself in to his body as though she’s trying to crawl into him, burying her face against his chest, and motionlessly letting the silent tears trail burning wet paths over his skin. Sometimes, though, when she's really hurting, she gives the pain a voice; and the choking, wracking sobs tear themselves from her body as she shudders and rocks against him.
And he understands it completely. Of course he does. You don’t ever forget the first time someone breaks your heart, after all. Yes, over the years, the unavoidable, ever-present knifewound fades to a whiplash sting you only feel when you go looking for it. But you still don’t really ever forget.
So he tenderly strokes the back of her head with one hand, cradling her close and blanketing her with his warmth. And he whispers softly into her ear, his lips hovering just a breath away from her forehead, that she’s beautiful, and desirable, and lovable, and that the Doctor’s a blind, stupid fool not to realise. And he doesn’t - doesn’t - allow himself to acknowledge just how much he aches to hear those same words himself; and how very much, in the end, he wants exactly the same thing that she does.
Because he isn’t young the way she’s young any more. This isn’t the first time he’s yearned with everything he is for something he knows he can never have. It’s not the first time his heart has broken inside him. And unlike her, he really is old enough to know better.
He just wishes someone would tell that to his feelings.
Author: starfirefic
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Jack/Martha (Doctor implied)
Word Count: ~360 words
Genre: Angst, angst baby
Rating: PG13 for mentions of sex
Author's Notes:Written for one of the Doctor Who Challenge #10 prompts - "No one knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better" Set at the end of s3, in basically the same AU as Moments, but far angstier
Spoilers: None really (unless you seriously wondered if the Doctor and Martha were ever going to get together)
Summary: You too, huh? (or, alternatively, "Love the one you're with...")
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. Martha would probably have gotten out sooner if she did
Warnings: None, other than that it's unbeta-ed and so thick with angst it's damned amazing I could squeeze any actual words in there. What can I say... my hypochondria demons are restless, and this is apparently the only way I can exorcise them...
Old Enough to Know Better
Martha cries when she comes. And self-centred as Jack might know himself to be, he never for a moment assumes it has anything to do with him.
Martha always cries when she comes nowadays. It’s something that’s ceased to surprise either of them - a regular catharsis she only ever allows herself in those eye-blink brief instants while her face is still flushed, her pulse is still pounding, and her body’s still shuddering - when the barriers she usually keeps herself safe behind lie in temporary ruins; and for a few short moments, she doesn’t have to pretend it’s OK any more.
Mostly it’s quiet. She turns to him an instant after her climax, slipping her slender arms under his, pulling herself in to his body as though she’s trying to crawl into him, burying her face against his chest, and motionlessly letting the silent tears trail burning wet paths over his skin. Sometimes, though, when she's really hurting, she gives the pain a voice; and the choking, wracking sobs tear themselves from her body as she shudders and rocks against him.
And he understands it completely. Of course he does. You don’t ever forget the first time someone breaks your heart, after all. Yes, over the years, the unavoidable, ever-present knifewound fades to a whiplash sting you only feel when you go looking for it. But you still don’t really ever forget.
So he tenderly strokes the back of her head with one hand, cradling her close and blanketing her with his warmth. And he whispers softly into her ear, his lips hovering just a breath away from her forehead, that she’s beautiful, and desirable, and lovable, and that the Doctor’s a blind, stupid fool not to realise. And he doesn’t - doesn’t - allow himself to acknowledge just how much he aches to hear those same words himself; and how very much, in the end, he wants exactly the same thing that she does.
Because he isn’t young the way she’s young any more. This isn’t the first time he’s yearned with everything he is for something he knows he can never have. It’s not the first time his heart has broken inside him. And unlike her, he really is old enough to know better.
He just wishes someone would tell that to his feelings.