Monday morning
Some days I get these moments, where I feel happy, content, at peace. Like I am actually myself for a brief time, but these moments are transient and temporary. I go back to how I normally am, tired and waiting, tired of working and worrying. Waiting for the things that make me happy to come along. Then they're gone and I'm waiting again.. I can't just be anymore. I can't just be happy. I need reasons, people, places and things... For a little while just now, I got to enjoy myself before the heaviness returned and I felt weary. Sleep can't help with this kind of weary. I've tried that enough. I'm rambling along here, putting my thoughts down because that's all I can think to do.
School starts soon, I hope that will help me more than it will burn me out. I want to dig in and get it going again. The time I spent between was hard enough. The though of losing another year is terrifying.
Had some wicked vivid dreams yesterday. The first only left me with heartache, the second a funny anecdote. I had a bad day trying to banish the feeling of those dreams. These things I keep to myself because I don't know who would want to hear them.
The world is waking up. It's time for bed.
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